Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mate is shit?

231 replies

LosAmigos · 26/11/2022 10:08

I see my best friend regularly. He is very busy with work and everything else and we were supposed to be meeting up soon to do an activity but as he was so busy, I suggested that we can postpone until things get a little bit less busy for him after the new year. He agreed. I was disappointed, but these things happen.

We were texting yesterday when he drops into conversation that he has a date coming up in a few weeks. Now, I'm a little bit pissed that he has time for someone he has never met before, but not me. I expressed this to him and he thinks i'm being silly.

We have very close relationship and speak everyday.

AIBU to be pissed off at him?

OP posts:
Pinkglittery · 26/11/2022 10:10

Are you jealous? Having a date to potentially start a new relationship might be high on his priority list at the moment.

notnowB · 26/11/2022 10:12

I think you're being a wee bit unreasonable, sorry.
A friendship - no matter how close - and romantic endeavours are two separate things.
Maybe he's feeling like it's all work and no play at the moment. And as a friend, you can't really fill that gap. I would try to support him, especially if this is a new venture and in my experience, it's unlikely to go anywhere anyway!

Joyfuljolly · 26/11/2022 10:12

Are you jealous?

butterfliedtwo · 26/11/2022 10:14

You sound possessive. He has a right to see other people and date them if he wishes.

MermaidEyes · 26/11/2022 10:15

I think you're a bit shit for not being happy that he has a date.

Original poster
LosAmigos · 26/11/2022 10:22

Thanks everyone.

I am jealous about his date. I'm in love with him and he doesn't know. I am definitely not his type so can never tell him.

I feel really sad.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 26/11/2022 10:33

You are possessive and jealous, understandable if you are in love with him but not healthy.

something2say · 26/11/2022 10:35

Ah.

He is not your friend then.

How are you going to handle this, to save yourself from hurt??

Newusernameaug · 26/11/2022 10:36

You can’t project this anger and jealously at him though otherwise you won’t have a friendship soon…….
Ive been there too, it’s tough but you got to bite your tongue. After all, you suggested after xmas.

ZenNudist · 26/11/2022 10:37

I'd stop speaking every day and get out and date yourself.

LadyKenya · 26/11/2022 10:38

It must be really hard being around him. At some point he will know your feelings, if he does not already.

PinkiOcelot · 26/11/2022 10:44

If I had the opportunity to go on a date or out with a friend, I know which I would choose.
However, given what you’ve just said, for yourself, I think you need to start pulling back a bit. Don’t speak every day etc. You’re going to end up being hurt here.

TigerRag · 26/11/2022 10:48

Get new friends and stop being so reliant on one person?

MatildaTheCat · 26/11/2022 10:51

LosAmigos · 26/11/2022 10:22

Thanks everyone.

I am jealous about his date. I'm in love with him and he doesn't know. I am definitely not his type so can never tell him.

I feel really sad.

I guarantee he does know and he’s telling you about his date in an attempt to tell you kindly that he’s not interested in you romantically.

You need to see less of him and cut communication if you are in love with him, it’s very tough but you want different things.

Squaffle · 26/11/2022 11:07

Oh my god TELL HIM!

I did: we’ve now been together for 12 years, married with a DC.

I’ve been in your shoes and I know how painful it is, it truly sucks. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, because just being friends with him is making you hurt so it’s not sustainable anyway if he doesn’t feel the same. True friends don’t make eachother feel like shit.

Good luck! 💐

notnowB · 26/11/2022 11:26

Aah, just read the update. Your jealousy is understandable but not healthy.
Look after yourself and put yourself first. You must take the course of action that will hurt you least in the long term - even if that does feel like ripping off a plaster initially Flowers

TheFunnyOne · 26/11/2022 11:28

Why do you think he’s not your type? He might like you but think you’re not interested so has given up and moved on 🤷‍♀️

Divebar2021 · 26/11/2022 11:33

I think men are hopeless at spotting when someone fancies them actually - you usually have to be quite explicit. ( so don’t count on him already knowing)

Quitelikeit · 26/11/2022 11:35

Why torture yourself by continuing this friendship?!

how do you know he doesn’t like you?

why not tell him then he can put you out of your misery

astronewt · 26/11/2022 11:37

Oh lord, I have very little patience for this sort of pointless self-punishment.

Just bloody tell him you're in love with him. If he's into it, yay; if he's not, at least you've taken your shot and you can take a break from him and work on getting over it. You'll just wreck everything, including yourself, this way.

BatshitBanshee · 26/11/2022 11:47

LosAmigos · 26/11/2022 10:22

Thanks everyone.

I am jealous about his date. I'm in love with him and he doesn't know. I am definitely not his type so can never tell him.

I feel really sad.

Helluva drip feed.

Maybe he does know and he's trying to very gently tell you that he's not interested. That's what I'd read from putting you off til next year and telling you about his date.

Stop punishing yourself and also being nasty about him because you're jealous.

Chikapu · 26/11/2022 12:13

If he's going on dates with other people then it's pretty certain he's not interested in you in that way.
Cut back on the time you spend being in touch with him, it's not good for you to be pining after him like that. Go out and find someone to date yourself.

Chikapu · 26/11/2022 12:13

And no he's not shit, he's just living his life.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 26/11/2022 12:16

Spoiler alert:

He knows.

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 26/11/2022 12:21

LosAmigos · 26/11/2022 10:22

Thanks everyone.

I am jealous about his date. I'm in love with him and he doesn't know. I am definitely not his type so can never tell him.

I feel really sad.

sorry to hear that - pretty hard situation

but he’s not shit because he wants to date someone. it’s sad but hopefully you can find someone to date too :)