To think my mate is shit?

[LosAmigos]

I see my best friend regularly. He is very busy with work and everything else and we were supposed to be meeting up soon to do an activity but as he was so busy, I suggested that we can postpone until things get a little bit less busy for him after the new year. He agreed. I was disappointed, but these things happen.

We were texting yesterday when he drops into conversation that he has a date coming up in a few weeks. Now, I'm a little bit pissed that he has time for someone he has never met before, but not me. I expressed this to him and he thinks i'm being silly.

We have very close relationship and speak everyday.

AIBU to be pissed off at him?

What a big drip feed that is 🤨

A date "in a few weeks"? Isn't that in the New year anyway, or very close to it?

Tell him, before he falls in love with the date woman. Yes, it’ll kill your friendship if he doesn’t feel the same, but it’s pretty much going to change or die now anyway.

I fell in love with my best friend. Telling him was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but we’ve been married for five years now. Good luck!

OP I’ve been in your exact shoes. After inflicting emotional self harm on myself for FAR too long, I told him how I felt, got the expected answer, and then cut him off completely and honestly? I got over it so quickly. It’s the constant dangling of ‘what if’ that keeps these unrequited feelings going. As soon as you cut it off at the source, you get over it.
Treat yourself how you deserve to be treated here and free yourself from this situation

Just tell him. If he doesn’t feel the same then oh well, you tried. Your friendship is doomed anyway tbh.

Sorry OP. And that there is why I think you're BU.

I can imagine this will hurt but you need to deal with your feelings; either tell him and be honest (and deal with the inevitable change is relationship) or be honest yourself- grieve for the 'what if' and then move on. X

So why is the title of your post alluding to him being shit? He isn’t a shit because he doesn’t fancy you!

He is her type - she thinks she’s not his type.

He’s not shit then is he?

The thing is your friendship cannot be sustained if you consider him a shit for not fancying you (or assuming he doesn’t). So you may as well tell him because there may be a potential romance there but there isn’t a real platonic friendship (from your side).

Tell him! You are already best friends so he must already think you are pretty amazing! My younger brother had a female best friend - it was so obvious that he was in love with her and that she was in love with him too. I always used to ask him why they were not together as a couple and he would reply that he didn’t want to ruin the friendship as it meant too much to him. He died aged 27 and his best friend confided in me after he died that she was in love with him but didn’t think that he thought of her the same way. So sad that they never got the chance to be together but I’m glad they had each other as special friends. I’m telling this because you just don’t know how someone feels until you tell them - yes it may be awkward if you tell him and he doesn’t feel the same way but at least you will know, and I really don’t think it would spoil the friendship as you have such strong foundations already. Good luck with whatever you decide

Just tell him you fancy him.

If he likes you too, then great, problem solved.

If he doesn't, then you'll probably stop speaking to each other quite as much, which is probably a good thing as where your head is at the moment isn't exactly healthy

Why do you think you’re not his type? You’re his type as a close friend, and that’s a really good basis for a relationship. How do you know he isn’t secretly in love with you and won’t tell you because he’s scared of being rejected? Tell him!!

I pretty much guarantee he doesn’t know!

There's no need for this level of bitchiness to OP at all.

What on earth is bitchy about that? OP has admitted she's jealous, and she is being possessive as she doesn't want her friend to date other people.

Neither of those emotions are particularly healthy.

so you think he’s ‘shit’ because he doesn’t fancy you 🙄. grow up

Its certainly wasn't intended to be bitchy. But I stand by what I said. Her original OP made her sound jealous and possessive which is understandable in an unrequited love situation and that it is not healthy to put yourself in that position.

No one knows for sure, except the man in question. The OP is getting hurt in the meantime, if she tells him her feelings then at least the situation can move on in one way, or another.

YABU re the date.

I would seriously consider whether it's good for your to continue the friendship when you feel that way.

Is he gay?

TELL HIM!

I wasted so much time before telling DH that actually I really fancied him and hated him dating other women (we were work friends).

The worst that could happen (him not being interested) is still better than the limbo you are in now. It's not a friendship for you, it's a crush. A confession, then a clean break or the start of a relationship are the least angsty options for your future.

And DH was completely shocked when I told him, he had no idea!

Despite me being what I would have described as 'glaringly obvious'.

This is so sad but fantastic advice, please take it OP.

Hummingbird11 - 💐

Of course no one's going to pass up a date over the run up to Christmas!

You sound a bit too into him.