To think my mate is shit?

[LosAmigos]

I see my best friend regularly. He is very busy with work and everything else and we were supposed to be meeting up soon to do an activity but as he was so busy, I suggested that we can postpone until things get a little bit less busy for him after the new year. He agreed. I was disappointed, but these things happen.

We were texting yesterday when he drops into conversation that he has a date coming up in a few weeks. Now, I'm a little bit pissed that he has time for someone he has never met before, but not me. I expressed this to him and he thinks i'm being silly.

We have very close relationship and speak everyday.

AIBU to be pissed off at him?

Maybe he's trying to put some distance between you?
You aren't his girlfriend so there is no reason he should prioritise seeing you above his other friends. Sorry

You need to tell him, I thought the same a few years ago and he was stunned when I told him. We now have a little baby and are living together 😬. Go for it.

I love him so much and the hurt that he's potentially going to be dating (and loving) someone when I want him is just too much to bear!

You really need to take a step back. He's entitled to date, to see other people, do things without you. Just as you're free to do your own thing. If nothing has happened in all the time you've been friends it's not likely he's going to get hit by a bolt from the blue and suddenly your life is a Hallmark movie - unless you tell him how you feel and he feels the same.

You need to stop fixating on whether his behaviour was a bit off on this one small occasion and refocus on the bigger picture which is that he IS going to eventually find and love someone.

You need to focus on you and what action you are going to take to centre yourself. This could be walking away from this friendship and building up honest and open relationships and friendships of your own.

Otherwise a suppressed life of bitterness, resentment and jealousy will be your lot.

You can't be 'friends' with someone you're in-love with.
It's not fair on either of you.
What age are you?
I'm thinking twenties.
Are you prepare to stand on the side lines and watch this man, date , marry and possibly have children?
While all the time potential ideal men are passing you by?
This is unrequited love - and it's sole destroying.
Have you been attracted to unavailable men before ?
What is your relationship like with your own father ?

If he does this, he's putting distance between you. For your own sake, pay attention to that. Take a step back, it'll hurt less in the long run.

God I can't abide needy friends.

If you can't stop yourself from being the 'friendzoned' 'nice guy' then just leave him alone.

A 'friendship' thats based on you wanting more than what it is and being jealous isn't actually a friendship at all, its toxic and just a way to attempt to control and sabotage as punishment for not being with you.

It's not healthy for either of you.

Why offer to postpone if you're not happy to postpone?

Sounds like you're playing mind games to me.

If you are in love with him and you know for 100% certain that your love will NEVER be returned, then you're torturing yourself by staying in this friendship. Don't you understand that you are depriving yourself of the real possibility of love with someone else in order to keep feeling the pain you feel over him? Why would you want to put yourself through that?

Your friend's life is going to be a series of people that he believes he can fall in love with until he finds Mr/Ms Right and settles down. Then you'll have to watch from the sidelines whilst he builds a life and has a family and then grows old with that person instead of you. Don't do this to yourself.

I don't know why you feel he would 'never be interested', unless one of you is gay. In which case, no, it will never happen for you. But otherwise my suggestion would be to take a chance and simply tell him that you love him. But then be prepared to 'move on' if he tells you your feelings aren't/won't be returned.

Another vote for TELL HIM! I was in the exact same position as you. Best friends for a few years, he dated a lot of people during that time and I always thought he'd never be interested in me. Then one day I thought "fuck it" and decided to tell him how I felt. I was prepared for him to say he didn't feel the same and to step away from the friendship but I didn't feel I could go on being friends with him anyway so it was worth the risk. Six years in and we're now married and expecting our first child together. TAKE THE PLUNGE!

I think he's fobbing you off and cancelling plans because he's guessed how you feel about him, OP, and he's mentioned the date for the same reason – because he wants to let you down gently. If you don't want to throw caution to the wind and tell him how you feel, you're either going to have to put up with how he's being, confront him about being an unreliable friend (and risk the 'I love you' slipping out and it all blowing up) or cut contact.

You might as well tell him, because your friendship isn’t going to last as it is.

If you're absolutely sure it's not reciprocated (and are you? I don't find men tend to form such intense friendships with women when it's purely platonic) then if you can't cope with him dating falling in love with someone else, you need to stop seeing him.

Do you have a reliable mutual friend who could sound him out discretely?

DH’s best friend fancied him. I could tell as soon as I met her (he knew her before me). The odd behaviour carried on for years.

Have some self-respect and leave him to it.

OP, I see where you're coming from.

I think you'd get different responses if this was a female friend and romantic feelings didn't come into it.

The core issue isn't that you want to be dating him. The core issue is that you're being made to feel like plan B or C. Best friends typically treat each other like equal priorities in each others lives and this isn't happening right now.

I'd be annoyed if I tried to plan something with a female friend and we postponed it to the new year, only to find out that she went on a date. I also wouldn't dream of doing that to a friend. If you can make time to prioritise a date, you can make time to see a friend too. I have ditched friendships for this kind of behaviour in the past (when it became a repeated pattern).

I think he knows you like him and has mentioned the date and spaced out your meetings to show you your feelings are not reciprocated.

This is good because you know he isn’t in to you and you can now begin the process of detaching from him and being open to meeting someone who will love you.

What a drip feed! Don't you think this should have been in your OP???

I think you'd get different responses if this was a female friend and romantic feelings didn't come into it.

If romantic feelings didn't come into it, she'd have a different response!

@LosAmigos tell him how you feel!! If your feelings for him are that strong, bite the bullet.

You could just say something along the lines of, I've developed strong feelings for you, i don't want to ruin our relationship, but I had to tell you.?

Sometimes you just never know, he may like you too.

What on earth are you expecting to get out of all of this? He doesn’t fancy you he’s actively dating other people. Get some self respect and walk away from this before it destroys your self esteem entirely. You have already taken this infatuation way too far.

Odds are he knows.

I'm sorry.

Tell him please!!

I told my best friend we've been together 12 years, 2 kids

Go for it ❤️

You need to be brave and stop seeing him altogether, you will feel better in the long run. It won't be easy but if you carry on as you are you will be very unhappy.