To think my mate is shit?

[LosAmigos]

I see my best friend regularly. He is very busy with work and everything else and we were supposed to be meeting up soon to do an activity but as he was so busy, I suggested that we can postpone until things get a little bit less busy for him after the new year. He agreed. I was disappointed, but these things happen.

We were texting yesterday when he drops into conversation that he has a date coming up in a few weeks. Now, I'm a little bit pissed that he has time for someone he has never met before, but not me. I expressed this to him and he thinks i'm being silly.

We have very close relationship and speak everyday.

AIBU to be pissed off at him?

Move on and leave him behind while you have a scrap of dignity left, you are embarrassing yourself now, this has gone way too far.

Harsh. Especially as I have reduced contact with him and done my best to get over my feelings for him.

If you were truely friends you would be able to talk about your dating lives with each other. It's what friends do. But you're not friends. What you have isn't friendship.

He's continuing to talk about it because either he wants things to be normal again, or he's trying to reinforce to you that there can't ever be something between you. Either way, you need to step away completely because this is not working.

If he was an ex boyfriend of yours, would you understand that you need to go no contact because your feelings are still there and you're unable to chat about his love life without feeling hurt?

Because while he isn't an ex, I think you need to treat this situation as if he was one as your feelings were and are so strong.

This is so unhealthy and blaming your feelings on his behaviour while you want to be friends, which isn't possible, is only lengthening the amount of time you're hurting for.

Look at what you wrote. You basically repeated to me what I posted to you. That means that you know he isn't a true friend, you know he doesn't care, you know you need to go NC.

At this point it's your own fault that you are in so much pain. You know what to do, you simply aren't doing it. And you can't blame your inaction on him. That blame rests squarely on your own shoulders.

Look at it this way; if you were standing by a stove (that's him) and putting your hand over a lit burner, whose fault is it that your hand is getting burnt? The stoves? No, it's yours. The stove may have the lit burner, but you are the one standing there with your hand over the flame.

So turn off the stove and walk away from the stove (go NC).

You've had some really good advice in this thread. There will be a time when you can look back on this from a happier frame of mind and think 'god, what was I thinking!'

I would second the encouragement for some counselling on this, especially to explore whether there's a subconscious reason you've projected these feelings onto a person you know cannot return them and never could. Even with the pain of it being unrequited, perhaps on some level that felt safer? If so then it may be something to work through so you can find a genuine reciprocated connection when you're ready.