Is this a reasonable amount of ‘jobs’ for a maid of honour?

I think I would say no. To preserve the friendship, I would say that I was thrilled to be asked but now feel that I would not be able to do the role justice, worried I'd make strong decisions etc Say you'll step back to a bridesmaid role and support whoever she chooses for the enormous honour.

Just No, that's a crazy list.
Even the hen do is a tall ask for 25 people, high likelihood you end up out of pocket.
I'd back out, or if you don't want to do that say you're only doing the hen do and not the rest.

Er, no. I was a MoH living 4 hours away this year, with a job and a 3 year old. Bride's cousin sorted the hen do although I was in charge of getting bride there. Bride did all of those things, with the groom's help.

Don't be ridiculous. These are wedding planner jobs not MoH duties.

My MoH arranged my hen night, which was a meal out (this was the 80s and hens and stags were usually just a local night out), came to the fitting for her dress (local dress maker) and turned up on the day - that's it!

OP you have to stop this now. Explain that due to your child's health concerns you don't want to risk not being able to fulfill the duties she's expecting of you, so it would be for the best if she asked someone else.

Hen do, yes. I would also happily arrange the bridesmaid dress fitting. Everything else is a firm but polite no, as soon as possible. Don't let it drag on - its a no. Its not your wedding.

You need to sit down and have a proper conversation with her. ‘I’m delighted that I’m MOH and value our friendship, but this is your wedding not mine. I’m happy to organise the hen weekend, but you and your fiancé need to make the decisions about flowers, dresses, photographers, gifts etc. and book them, not me. I’d likely make choices or spending decisions that you wouldn’t and I don’t want to put our friendship at risk by doing that or by feeling responsible for the day. I’m the MOH and already have a very busy life managing 4 kids - I’m not a professional wedding planner who can dedicate the amount of time needed to do this properly. You are the one spending all this money so you should choose exactly what you want. I’m happy to be a sounding board for ideas, but this is your rodeo”.

Like others have said way too much. I think you need to be really clear and say you can’t help with all those things, especially stuff like flowers and photographer. If something goes wrong then it’s all on you! Also I’m sure the rest of the bridesmaids would want to do their own make up rather than an untrained stranger. But I would compromise and offer to do the table decs/ favours or similar. Something that you can do early or when you have time and if it doesn’t happen it’s not going to ruin the wedding. And defo don’t take on any babysitting on the day, you’re going to need a drink at this wedding I would say 😉

Run

Also, WTAF is this?

I’ve got someone to do the hair but not the make up. I probably won’t have the money to be honest for make up. But on the day if you start early, you can do the make up for everyone.’

If she has no idea how long makeup for 11 takes, I would wager she's left the hairdresser about 5 mins 30 secs per bridesmaid. 😄

This 100% op. You have too much on your hands and your friend knows this. She’s very selfish and l feel for you. She is taking advantage of you. I hope that you get the courage to step down. Thinking of you op. 💐💐💐

You need to let her know asap you can't do all this.

I'd say to her that you can organize the hen, but can't do any of the other items on the list.
I wouldn't even list out the things you can't do, since then she'll try to negotiate that you "just" do the flowers/photographer.

If she pushes back or gets snippy, then I'd say I was happy to be a regular bridesmaid if she'd prefer a different MoH who has more free time/lives closer/experience in event planning.

Farking Norah - no way!

Tell her

“Lovely Bridezilla, I’ve been thinking about all the jobs for the wedding you want me to help with. With my son, we can end up in hospital for a week or so, or he’s just unwell at home and I get no sleep. I’m not exactly very productive or organised at those times and to be honest, even at the best of times with 4 kids I am run ragged a lot. I can definitely do the hen do and look after the flower girls while we’re getting ready on the day. And I’m happy to be a sounding board for any of your decisions but that’s all I can manage. I can’t sort the dress fittings out, make the final decisions on photographers or whatever, or order or sort wedding favours. If that means you think someone else should be MoH I won’t be offended at all.”

You have to push back early and decisively or she’ll stomp all over you in her wedding shoes.

These are not duties of the MOH let’s me clear about that. I’ve also never actually met a bride who would have relinquished control over all those design decisions in the first place.

I’ve been MOH several times, and all I did any of those times was show up for dress fittings, act as a sounding board for some decisions, and attend on the day. Once I gave a speech. Another time the florist had a fire the day before the wedding so I helped the bride decorate the church with wild flowers.

My maid of honour organised my hen do, curled my hair on the morning for me, I did hers, and held my flower girls hand walking up the aisle. I wouldn't of asked any more from her at all. The bride is being unreasonable

She's treating you like an unpaid wedding planner!!!

Absolutely sort the hen party but none of the rest of it should be expected of you, especially as you live so far away from her and you have a severely disabled child!

Speak to her now. Don't leave it.

This is a really good message, I would send something like this.

I agree. NoSquirrels post is a good one.

Also, make sure that if you end up doing the hen do that it is a hen night within easy reach of where most people live, not a hen weekend away, especially not abroad.

If she wants a weekemd away she can organise it herself or get some other poor scapegoat to do it.

You lost me after the hen do. Your friend is cheeky!

This sounds absolutely crazy.

Only reasonable part is hen do

If anything goes wrong or she doesn't love the flowers/ photos it will be all your fault

Are you a professional at make up? Because she said she cant afford that and that you can do it for everyone..

Theres also a lot of expectation that you will find good deals (florist, videographer) and if it was too cheap and too good to be true then you are in the firing line for ruining her wedding.

And the ordering things she wants...surely that's more fuss transferring money than just doing it herself.

Wedding favours....well she clearly expects them and isnt indicating that she is participating in the making of or paying for stuff.

So you get all the mental load and risk of things go wrong. And no clear indication from her about what she is paying for. she needs to pick photographer etc herself as it's a bespoke service.

Just read you have four children one of whom is disabled. This is unacceptable. What a strange selfish friend she is. Say no now before this all gets out of control

Where the hell is her fiancé in these plans? She’s insane, nobody ask’s this much of a bridesmaid.

I’d organise the hen do, nothing more & I’d let her know that sooner rather than later.

How does she intend to pay the deposit for the flowers and photographer? Is she paying for the favours and hen do deposits/ makeup etc? You could end up seriously out of pocket and as she seems like a total CF I would want a credit card or cash up front. Can the other bridesmaids bot do their own makeup?