Is this a reasonable amount of ‘jobs’ for a maid of honour?

At the point that you do all those jobs you may as well also say her vows for her, sign the register and have sex with her new husband. What’s she doing for her own wedding, exactly?

Jesus christ. IME perfectly usual for MOH to organise the dreaded hen. And this woman's no doubt gonna want the weekend overseas type with the resulting expense and hassle.
Everything else on that list is the job of the bride and groom - or their paid, professional event planner.

With my son, we can end up in hospital for a week or so, or he’s just unwell at home and I get no sleep. I’m not exactly very productive or organised at those times.

On this alone, I would politely decline and swiftly back away, OP.

No way in a month of Sundays should you accept, you'll run yourself ragged for your so-called friend's ego trip.

Elaborate weddings where family and friends are put upon and left bored rigged from a year's worth of running around, all for just one day, are a pain in the arse. Don't get involved, it's 10 months away, she can find someone else.

Wedding isn’t until September so saying she’s not got time to organise stuff is a crock of shit.

your job is hen do, fun wedding dress appointments, helping choose bridesmaid dresses and working with the best man to make sure everything goes smoothly on the day. Helping with getting the right people together for formal photos and herding people about. Sorting out any minor problems that come up with the vol au vents etc.

So yes you probably will be busy on the day but I wouldn’t accept being babysitter for two kids that’s their parents job. I wouldn’t be doing anyone’s makeup or any of the other wedding planner crap.

And she’s expecting you to pay for all of this? She’s going to reimburse you? You know where this is going….if she can’t afford make up, she can’t afford the rest….you’ll be paying for it and she will either 1. Fall out with you because she doesn’t like your choices or 2. Plead poverty. You will never get the money back.

Thinking about this a bit more, you can soften the blow by saying what you’ll do then suggest if she still needs the help she could approach some of the other eleven adult bridesmaids ……..

… all of whom I’m sure would be absolutely delighted and of course have endless time on their hands to help!

OP she is putting unreasonable and unfair expectations on you, and it would be irresponsible of you to say 'yes'. As you've explained, you may not be in a position to fulfill those roles, even if you wanted to. So better to explain that now and take the fallout, rather than live with the stress and dread of possibly, or actually, letting her down.

Tell her you're honoured and you love her but you can't do more than the hen party, and if that means she needs to choose someone else to be MoH you completely understand. Explain that with four of your own you can't look after any other children on the day, and that you certainly can't do everyone's makeup.

Of course you don't want to disappoint a friend but you are setting up a stressful year for yourself if you agree. She doesn't know that. You need to set the boundaries.

Hen do yes and the adult bridesmaids are usually responsible for the children during the service. Everything else No!!!!

Hahaahahahaha.... NO.

Eleven bridesmaids and two flower girls? Is she actually insane? And/or very rich?

I’m sure even the hen do she expects will be an absolute ball ache to organise. Getting 25 people to pay you back for a weekend in Ibiza 🤪

I’d be messaging back that you are standing down from MOh duties as you don’t have the time to fulfill her wish list due to having a hectic life and a disabled child.

if things go wrong on the day she is sure to blame you.

my MOH was expected to turn up and look beautiful on my day, i expected nothing else from her,

She’s deluded! It’s reasonable to ask you to plan the hen but other than that, your ‘job’ is to have a couple of nice evenings where you let her chat about wedding details without showing if you get bored (preferably over wine).

’Help me pick a photographer / videographer. You can decide out of a few we both choose. I will trust your judgment on that obviously.’

Translates as: "And if I dislike even one of the photos, it will ruin the entire day and it will be your fault."

’organise the flowers. I will send you some examples. So all you have to do is have a look at a few florists and their reviews, prices… and then just go from there.’

Bridezilla will hate everything you choose and blame you.

’I’ve got someone to do the hair but not the make up. I probably won’t have the money to be honest for make up. But on the day if you start early, you can do the make up for everyone.’

Are you even a professional make-up artist? I take it that means you get to buy the make-up and get left with a load of stuff that's no use to you because you had to cater for 12 different people's complexions?

’if you’ve got the time, can you sort out some wedding favours for the table. Maybe make something.’

"If you've got the time" is meaningless, She will have a major hissy fit if you say you haven't got time.

Walk away from all this, fast.

It doesn't sound very enjoyable for you, apart from anything else!
She sounds a bit of a nutter. Is she usually an outrageously demanding person? I suspect yes and she is used to having her way and you possibly people please with her??
Choosing someone else's photographer and flowers sounds a bit strange to me- is she then going to ask you to pay for some of it, seen as 'you chose it??' That would be my concern here. What if she doesn't like the flowers you choose? It's a very personal thing.
How are you meant to organise dress fittings around everyone else?. The bride needs to do this and probably attend the appointments as at the end of it, she has final say and needs to pay the bill for the dresses and alterations!
As for being make up artist/babysitter/giver of speeches and god knows what else on the day, I think you need to have a chat with her about what's happening here.
I've never been MOH, but have been a bridesmaid. We sorted the hen do but had very minimal input otherwise, which is what I'd expect! Support the bride, show up, wear the dress, help her to loo or whatever but I think that's pretty much it.
Maybe she hasn't been to many weddings and has got this idea from somewhere- she's a good friend, you need to have a chat. And if I were you, I'd be very clear that some of these 'jobs,' are just not going to work for you.- you'll be miserable! Alternatively, you do have the option to just suck it up and do what she wants to keep the bride happy!- but I don't think that would work for me and would worry there will be no friendship by the end of it all.

Accept. Do it all. Leave the bride’s makeup til last. Full clown face.

👏 👏

This has hit the nail firmly on the head!

You won't get it right, ever!

OMG - she is taking the piss - popcorn chewing gum has the mature response - your not the wedding planner - you have 4 children - you live 3.5 hours away - she is quite selfish in my view. 11 bridesmaids - WTF!!! No money for make up!!! Do your own. 😁If something goes wrong she will blame you - It’s a No from me.

That's a lot! My MoH:
Organised the hen do (along with another friend of mine so she wasn't doing it alone)
Looked after the flower girl (because it was her daughter, and to be fair her DH and mum also helped with that)
Organised little packs for the children to keep them amused during the speeches (her choice - I mentioned I was going to do it and she offered)

The only time I've done it as an adult I think my 'jobs' were organising the hen (with help from the other bm) and collecting some food from the evening buffet into some tupperware for them to take with them to the airport that night.

On a pragmatic note I would dismiss / politely turn down all jobs bar hen night and helping her with her outfit makeup on the day - that's a nice thing to do for a friend - but helping - not paying for professional make up artists

But the pragmatic thing is for 25 people make sure you are not lumbered with paying and people not paying you back. I would clarify It is a Night - not a week away & then you can book a bar restaurant whatever and people pay for themselves once they are there.

Lol. My maid of honour got a gift and free drinks at the wedding.

She's taking the piss, love.

This is ridiculous - resign forthwith. You will be a physical and emotional wreck if you don't, and I highly suspect significantly out of pocket too. Resign from any bridesmaid duty, on the basis of your children's needs and distance away - 100% best to be a guest at this one.

I think the moral of the story is to ask what is required before accepting.

I would resign now TBH.

Just pull out now. She clearly has no respect for you or your time. It'll just get worse.

Just phone her and say you've had a think about it and whilst you feel honoured and delighted to be asked by her, in reflection that's too much responsibility for you so you will have to decline.

She'll obviously try and talk you round as she probably identified you as the only mug she could palm all this on to.

She is being incredibly unreasonable and you need to put yourself and your family first.

Be prepared for a bit of fall out though, which will be worth it to get out of this situation.