To rehome cat because of pressure on marriage

[Freshstillwater]

I’ve posted about this before but I didn’t get many serious replies.

I have been married for nearly a year, and just after our wedding I adopted a cat from a charity. I did talk about this with DH first, there was some eye rolling and ‘if you must’ but it was good humoured.

Nearly a year on and it’s really difficult. The cat had fleas which bit DH, he was pretty annoyed about this. He really doesn’t like the cat, I mean, I knew he wasn’t really into animals but I misread dislike as actual neutrality.

The complaining about the cat is really getting to me, I feel like he’d be happier without the cat and me, tbh.

I am not sure what to do now.

You shouldn’t have got the cat when it was obvious he wasn’t fully on board. Having to share your home with an animal when you don’t like them really isn’t fun.
Rehoming however will be quite traumatic for them. Have you had an actual serious conversation with your husband about it?

I'd rehome the husband.

You need to decide which you want more, the cat or the DH, as your DH isn’t going to suddenly like it.

Why not treat your cat for fleas? … problem solved 🤦‍♀️

I find the advantage stuff to go on the back of the cats neck works well, also buy some flea spray to treat your carpets and soft furnishings

@pd339 the last thread I had filled up with similar comments but it isn’t that simple.

@Lastqueenofscotland2 i know that now but it does feel that all the compromises are one way. Maybe that’s unfair and if DH was here he’d say no hang on … but as it is it feels that he can make me miserable because of what I wanted but he gets to live his life as he likes - not sure I’ve explained that well.

I prefer the company of cats over husband's tbh 😂 has he actually been bitten or is he being dramatic? What has been used to treat the fleas?

@Givemepinkgin it’s not the litter tray so I didn’t go into detail but I have, but either the fleas are immune to the treatment or the cat is, not sure. All I know is the cat has fleas despite being treated.

Doesn't sound great if he's making your life miserable in that way.

Go to your vet and get a prescription for advocate/similar high strength flea treatment. USE IT EVERY MONTH WITHOUT FAIL. Get a flea bomb off amazon for the house. Rehome husband. Sorted.

have you spoken to the vet about fleas? Many over the counter remedies don't work and you need something on prescriptions. I can imagine if you aren't keen on cats then getting bitten by fleas would be annoying.

It’s not sorted though since we’ve done those things - actually haven’t used a flea bomb but have had pest control out so really should be more effective - and somehow we (apparently) still have fleas.

But I’m honestly not wanting flea advice at the moment. I really am low about this and would welcome thoughts on my relationship.

Are you sure the fleas are not now in your house? I was bitten severely by fleas when I was young and it was awful. However, we had to treat the whole house, not just the cat.

Cross posted!

What's your DH like about other issues, OP?

Poor cat you are both awful !

No problem but if we could move away from fleas and onto my marriage I’d be very grateful

You need to treat carpets and soft furnishings, outdoor cats need to be tgen regularly treated for fleas plus vaccinated annually

What did you use to treat the cat though? Front line never works, they have an old formula that many fleas are immune to. Buy the advantage one, it’s a bit more costly but it works, and check it’s the right dose for your cats weight.

And if that fails ask the vet for advice, there will be other treatments available . Fleas are treatable and you shouldn’t abandon a pet because they have fleas… It’s like putting up a child for adoption because they have head lice …

Have you used prescription treatments from the vet and also treated the house/soft furnishings?

if not then it’s not surprising the fleas remain.
you need to do this first.

is it just the fleas your DH dislikes or anything else?
mid his reaction to the cat symptomatic of him disliking disruption to his life? If so hen how do you think he’ll react if you have DC?
be very careful!

Could you please link your previous thread for more information?

I think to be honest you've made some terrible decisions here - you got a cat when he wasn't onboard with it and misread dislike and being neutral. It needs fixing, either by getting rid of the cat or getting rid of the husband (those are the only two options I can see!).

If you've had pest control and flea treated the cat, how does it "apparently" still have fleas?

In some areas fleas have built up a resistance but there area different products to try. There's no excuse for an infested cat. If you do it properly, your cat will stay flea free. Regular worming and defleaing is essential. I think Advantage & Drontal were the products I used.

OP it doesn't seem as though you want the cat either. Cats Protection League will take it off your hands relatively quickly. Give them a call and do it for the cat's sake, it deserves a better home where it will be loved and appreciated and you will be glad you did it. Just don't get another one!

@holierthanthou73 why am I awful?

@JoanOgden its hard to say as I have to admit at the moment I’m feeling like this has sullied everything. It’s no exaggeration to say that a couple of weeks ago we spoke about nothing other than fleas. DH does have a tendency to fixate on one topic somewhat and I was nearly tearing my hair out with it.

I don’t think it was the intention but it started to feel as if he wanted me to feel as bad as possible.

He has many lovely points but my main concern is that I feel like a guest. At first a welcomed and wanted guest but now like an unwanted one. But whether I am wanted or not I shouldn’t feel like a guest in my own home.

IMO it's not fair to ask any pet to live in a house where someone does not want them around and does not like them.

Like you say in your OP, neutrality is one thing but when someone doesn't like the animal, I think it makes it a hard life for everyone - the pet included.

Personally, I'd also be thinking about rehoming responsibily - and would start by having a frank and honest conversation with DH and coming to a joint decision on that.

It's not acceptable (imo) for him to say 'keep the cat' but still complain and dislike it. He either needs to come to terms with the cat being there, which will include occasional inconveniences like fleas (sick, shit, stuff getting scratched etc.). Or he needs to speak up and contribute to the decision to rehome.

From then on, you're probably facing a petless future - unless something dramatically changes.