To think if you invite someone over for Christmas

[Jerryyyyyy]

That means you'll serve Christmas dinner?

I live quite far away from family - same country, half a day drive away. They have come to us for most christmasses. We have space for them to stay but they don't have space for us so logistically it's always made more sense. They've decided they don't want to come anymore, which is fine. It can be intense here, a lot of family from the other side. DH always cooks a huge Christmas Dinner.

This year they've made arrangements so that we can go to them for Xmas and we will have somewhere to stay. We're thinking of driving down on Xmas day so that we xan do prezzies with our DC at home. Will prob be with them by 3 at the latest and will stay a couple of nights. Found out today they think we're only there for the afternoon and so they're not cooking Christmas Dinner which means we won't have one!

Sounds like a simple miscommunication - they invited you for the afternoon and you thought they were (finally) doing their turn with the turkey baster!

At least it has come out now so you can either sort it out with them or make other plans.

Haha I'm actually shocked you aren't all on my side! I was so sure of myself.

DH is the one wanting Xmas morning at home. I'd happily go the night before.

Family have actually said they NEVER cook Christmas Dinner, apparently I knew this (despite not going to theirs for Xmas for 15 years) but also we ALWAYS cook Christmas Dinner all together as its too much pressure for one 🤷‍♀️

I definitely want Christmas dinner in Christmas day so need to make some changes to the plan I think!

Arrive at 2pm, lunch at 3pm- would that work?

I’d definitely have Christmas Day just you guys at home - so much nicer!! Then you can go up Boxing Day. But yeah I personally think it’s weird they wouldn’t do a proper meal for you.

We have family round for Christmas dinner most years - they never arrive til around 3pm and we have dinner at around 5pm - we've always done this as we like to have time alone with the dc's during the day, plus everything is always chaotic and we don't tend to even get dressed until lunchtime! Also we don't like eating a huge meal earlier in the day.

I don't understand why arriving at 3pm means they won't be cooking Christmas dinner - I'm guessing this is your parents OP? Maybe they just can't be arsed cooking a big dinner if they don't usually bother for themselves?

Id just stay home if it'll mean not having a dinner.

Even if they were cooking dinner, I wouldn’t wait until 3pm to eat. So you’d have missed it if you arrived at that time.

If they've made arrangements for you to stay for a couple of nights, why do they now think you are only there for the afternoon?

I think 3pm is an awkward time to arrive on Christmas day. I'd go on Christmas Eve or Boxing day. Maybe they would like to see your children open their presents too?

Whereas we eat Christmas dinner at 6ish so it would be perfect for us to have guests arrive at 3 🤷🏻‍♀️. Both scenarios irrelevant here though as apparently the family members don’t cook Christmas dinner at all.
Id go on Boxing Day.

Haha, yes! No Christmas dinner would be rubbish.

If you are going “ away” for Christmas you kind have to go all in.
Go Chittagong as Eve and the kids presents with you. Find a pub doing Christmas lunch and have that. See them Boxing Day and then leg it back home.

That sounds bloody awful! Why spend Christmas Day in the car?

Citing one of MN phrases „It’s an invitation not summons”

All relationship go both ways. They (whoever they were) were happy to take Christmas dinner at yours for years and not offering anything despite being the host?
That’s bad manners at least or lazyitis and tight arse at worst.
I’m surprised you’re willing to schlep to them for half a day and sacrifice your family’s Christmas?

I wouldn’t go.

So OP knew all along that they weren't going to provide Xmas Dinner, regardless of what time they bothered to turn up, and OP absolutely, definitely wants a Xmas dinner so the only answer is to do her own Xmas Dinner and visit family another day. I just don't see what the big drama is about. Even if they went as planned, it's not like they're not going to get fed at all, I presume. They're not going to starve are they?

Yes this is fair enough although when the invitation was made they explicitly said come down on Christmas day if you like

You think inviting someone for Christmas means Christmas dinner. They might think inviting someone for Christmas means showing up for Christmas Day, not the dog-end of it.

I honestly just wouldn't go - it sounds like they're really not that arsed!

YANBU. Christmas dinner is a pretty integral part of Christmas day. If it isn't, then what the hell are all the supermarkets thinking, piling their shelves so high with Christmas goodies and swamping us with food adverts for two months prior?!

But then in our family we never have the traditional turkey and trimmings because no one really likes it and getting the timings spot on is super stressful for the cook. We have a lovely Christmas brunch and then sit down for a delicious dinner in the early evening.

They should definitely include Christmas dinner if you always cook one for them. But I would expect you to turn up earlier if having xmas lunch with us.
And spending half of xmas day in the car sounds very miserable for your DC. Go Boxing Day.

Good idea or I probably wouldn't bother at all. Why spend Christmas driving around the country just to 'see' people and getting stressed. Have a lovely, cosy day at home with your children

If I’ve invited someone for Christmas Day, I would expect them to arrive before 3pm in the afternoon. I think I would you were coming just for the afternoon as well.

wasn’t there another thread whereby guests were trying to dictate the hist’ds Christmas Day as well?

Open the presents on Christmas Eve, or travel on Christmas Eve and take the presents with you.

If there are too many to fit in the car, there are too many! (Unless one of them is a pony.)

We eat Christmas dinner at 4…#so that would be perfect. But if there’s no Christmas dinner….why bother?

I wouldn't invite someone over for Christmas without planning to include them in dinner. I'd feel rude not to!

To me, and I don't know your relative, but this very much sounds like "if you're that fussed to spend Christmas together, come down on Christmas day if you like". Echoed further by not being arsed to cook dinner.

If your DH is insistent on kids having their morning at home to open presents I don't understand then rushing out the door to drive half a day elsewhere. Kinda takes the shine off it for them surely. Stay home, go the day after.

Hang on … so they've arranged for you to have somewhere to stay, but they only think you're going for the afternoon?

(Eh?)