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Friendship ruined after holiday?

195 replies

ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 14:49

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Cruisebabe1 · 23/11/2022 14:59

She should have asked you first- why film someone who didn’t want to be in the picture! As she is a childhood friend she should know this about you!, she sounds really selfish. 🤗

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LBFseBrom · 23/11/2022 15:02

Nobody should be photographed without giving their permission. Your friend needs to know that. However she meant no harm and it is a shame if it has spoiled your friendship, never mind the holiday. Human beings make errors of judgement.

For the record, I wouldn't have liked it, I am very private.

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SnoozyLucy7 · 23/11/2022 15:04

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I do not like being in photos or any kind of videos. I know someone very close to me, like your friend, who at every single event, no matter how small, has to take lots, and I mean lots, of photos and videos, and then they post all of these images on all their socials. I absolutely hate this. I have had a word with them and have asked for them not to take any photos or videos of me. They don’t any longer do that.

If your friend wants to sulk about it, let her, but your privacy is more important.

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Keyansier · 23/11/2022 15:05

Cruisebabe1 · 23/11/2022 14:59

She should have asked you first- why film someone who didn’t want to be in the picture! As she is a childhood friend she should know this about you!, she sounds really selfish. 🤗

Completely disagree with this, I think the OP sounds quite entitled. If the friend is not known to be an influencer and isn't uploading videos of her in anywhere, then why should the OP care?

Also, the other poster mentioning 'permission' Hmm You can take a photo or video of anyone you want, it's not illegal.

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Neerdoneerdo · 23/11/2022 15:05

Videoing a 5 hour walk?!!! Has she heard of living in the moment? That would have driven me insane. And she should have respected your request. You could have compromised on her taking some photos and a short video.

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ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:08

I think the core of it is that she and I views photos/videos very differently. To her, her whole iCloud Photos is basically her 'journal'/way of remembering things.

We don't have any issues at home because there's really not much to film/photograph when we go to our usual cafes. To her, iCloud Photos is password protected, she's not posting them online so she doesn't understand (or refuses to understand) why I'm so against her video journaling while we're on holiday.

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ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:08

If the friend is not known to be an influencer and isn't uploading videos of her in anywhere, then why should the OP care?

This is exactly her point of view.

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PickyEaters · 23/11/2022 15:09

Presumably you were walking in a public place?
In which case anyone can film you without your permission and do whatever they wish with the film. Even if they don't know you from Adam.
There is no such thing as privacy in public!

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CrystalCoco · 23/11/2022 15:11

The OP IS 'entitled' in this situation - entitled not to be filmed when she's specifically said she doesn't want to be.

Some people lack empathy and have a real problem trying to put themselves into another person's shoes - other people will just argue black is white (even when they know it's not) so anyone who's saying your DF's behaviour was fine falls into one of those two categories IMO

I feel sad for you that your friend behaved like this and ruined the trip, also petty of her to keep saying she'll just google it when she gets back - how about just enjoy what you can see with you own eyes, take a couple of snaps and a few mins of video (with no one in it who doesn't want to be in it!)

YANBU

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SusanPerbCallMeSue · 23/11/2022 15:13

Yes, other people could film her, but presumably they wouldn't up close with every private conversation recorded forever. WhenI see my friends I like to talk about everything with them. Including stuff I wouldn't want other people to hear, so no, I wouldn't want them filming a 5 hour walk, and recording all the shit I talk about. Mostly it would be incredibly boring, but it might be personal.

How on earth did you manage to talk to her during that time? Cringy.

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MoreTeaLessCoffee · 23/11/2022 15:13

You're both extreme. It's strange she feels such a strong need to film everything, particularly hours at a time. It's also strange that you are so dead set on not being recorded when it's not going anywhere public. You should both have met in the middle imo.

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Backstreets · 23/11/2022 15:20

What a pity. Sounds like you’re compatible as friends but not as travel partners, unfortunately there’s no way of knowing until you’ve tried it.

I don’t enjoy being filmed either, private or no (and private can ALWAYS be made public), I think YANBU and your friend should have respected your wishes even if she didn’t agree.

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ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:20

At the risk of sounding defensive, is it really that extreme to not like being on camera? If I appear in the background of someone's photos or videos, so be it. But aside from taking a few photos, I seriously dislike and don't feel comfortable with being videoed!

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Viostep · 23/11/2022 15:20

Your friend sounds tedious. Why not live in the moment. Nothing wrong with taking photos and short videos but filming a 5 hour walk is ridiculous. I can't understand why anyone would film someone so uncomfortable with being filmed. I would hate this and not feel comfortable enough to chat or be myself with a camera pointed in my face for hours.

As for the google comments, how passive aggressive 😆. I think your better off without her to be honest, she sounds awful.

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latetothefisting · 23/11/2022 15:22

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 23/11/2022 15:13

You're both extreme. It's strange she feels such a strong need to film everything, particularly hours at a time. It's also strange that you are so dead set on not being recorded when it's not going anywhere public. You should both have met in the middle imo.

This!

Very odd of your friend to record things so much, is she really going to watch a video of a 5 hour hike back? Also if she doesn't want to be in loads of photos then it's very rude of her to insist you are. Plus yes of course you can get videos of most tourist places elsewhere so unless she is an amazing videographer not sure what she gains from creating her own version other than pissing her travelling companion off!

Otoh if they aren't going to be seen by anyone then your aversion to any photos at all (although i agree a full on video would put most people off!) is also a bit irrational. Don't you have any record of yourself at all?

You agreeing to a photo/short video together at each location (not to go on social media) and taking more photos just of her would be the best compromise.

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Badgirlriri · 23/11/2022 15:22

Keyansier · 23/11/2022 15:05

Completely disagree with this, I think the OP sounds quite entitled. If the friend is not known to be an influencer and isn't uploading videos of her in anywhere, then why should the OP care?

Also, the other poster mentioning 'permission' Hmm You can take a photo or video of anyone you want, it's not illegal.

I agree. I don’t see the big issue if she’s not sharing it anywhere. Even if she did put it on social media, nobody is going to want to watch a 5 hour video of OP walking.

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/11/2022 15:26

ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:20

At the risk of sounding defensive, is it really that extreme to not like being on camera? If I appear in the background of someone's photos or videos, so be it. But aside from taking a few photos, I seriously dislike and don't feel comfortable with being videoed!

No, it isn't extreme. I don't like being photographed and filmed either. It's your preference and you're entitled to it.

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ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:28

Very odd of your friend to record things so much, is she really going to watch a video of a 5 hour hike back?

It's part of her journaling process. We went on a trail and she wanted to record the walk. And no, I don't video myself actually. I am just not a photo/video person.

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avocadoandchill · 23/11/2022 15:30

It's so sad that she spent her holiday worrying about the video

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ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:42

I don’t see the big issue if she’s not sharing it anywhere. Even if she did put it on social media, nobody is going to want to watch a 5 hour video of OP walking.

The thing I don't like about being filmed is the permanence. I don't like having a camera pointed in my face or on the back of my head. I don't like having to watch what I say or what I do. To me there is a difference between talking to someone and talking to someone and have your entire conversations be recorded. Doesn't even matter if we're just talking about the trip or back in the day stories.

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Brefugee · 23/11/2022 15:44

Completely disagree with this, I think the OP sounds quite entitled. If the friend is not known to be an influencer and isn't uploading videos of her in anywhere, then why should the OP care?

i hate being on film, having my voice recorded or being in photos - and i don't care what the photographer wants to do with them.

So much so that i didn't have a photographer at my wedding (did allow people to take photos, posed for a few - very very few, and my mum got a load printed. I hate them and never look at them but DH and our families liked them)

But i do get using your photos videos (maybe not 5 hours in one go) as a kind of visual diary/journal. So while i don't think OP is unreasonable, i think it's ok for her friend to have taken photos (that she got in a huff and didn't take any is weird. She's right that there are usually better photos online, but the point of selfies, etc, is to have a record of you in that place)

OP couldn't you have taken photos of her for her? was that even discussed.

It seems a shame to lose a friendship over this though

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fancyacuppatea · 23/11/2022 15:46

1 she should have asked for your permission to film you that much.
2 I would have taken the camera/phone off her after about 10 mins - she could have had it back at the airport on the way home.

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DrManhattan · 23/11/2022 15:47

I'd hate that! Why would you film someone for that long, it's just odd. If a mate of mine said to stop I would. Your mate is in the wrong imo.

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roarfeckingroarr · 23/11/2022 15:51

ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:08

If the friend is not known to be an influencer and isn't uploading videos of her in anywhere, then why should the OP care?

This is exactly her point of view.

I agree with this.

But I also think it's a bit odd to photo or video a whole trip. Can't she just enjoy it, then revisit the actual memories rather than looking the same place up again on YouTube / Google?

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KettrickenSmiled · 23/11/2022 15:56

Nobody should be photographed without giving their permission. Your friend needs to know that. However she meant no harm
😂😂😂

Meant no harm, in subjecting her friend to 7 hours of video recording, despite being asked not to & knowing damn well her friend hates being recorded?

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