Friendship ruined after holiday?

[ToFilmOrNotToFilm]

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

Wow. YANBU and I can’t believe anyone things you are BU.

It should have been as simple as “is it ok if I video you for my record of this hike.” “Actually I’d rather you didn’t “. End of conversation. It’s incredibly rude for her to video you knowing you didn’t like it.

And I agree about her sounding like a very tedious holiday companion. Who wants to be with someone who’s permanently attached to a device?

YANBU! Sounds ghastly. She sounds like the sort of person who’d be blocking others’ views to video an entire gig/children’s nativity/wedding etc.

I detest having a camera pointed at me due to something that happened as a child.

Even though my friends are unaware they respect me when I decline a camera pointed at me.

I couldn’t respect anyone who thinks they have a right to force me into doing anything I don’t want. It’s controlling.

I had a huge fallout with a friend I had known since childhood, whilst on holiday. This was 20 yrs ago and we haven't spoken since.
To be honest, she always got on my nerves but that holiday brought out the worst in her and I thought, fuck this. The best thing to have happened as I've been much happier without her in my life.

How ridiculous. It may not be illegal to take photos or videos of anything you want but is it considerate of a friend’s express wishes? No it is not. The friend’s desire for privacy trumps the desire to make a video with her in it.

Being videod would not bother me as such
However spending time with someone who spends their life looking through a screen rather than communicating would drive me insane
Do these people really think others are going to look at their social media for hours
These people are totally self absorbed and think the world is interested in them and their lives
If I want to see wildlife videos it would not be off someone's phone
It would be a real nature photographers who has kit worth ££££££££££££££

So she doesn’t film just herself in the frame because she thinks its “awkward”, but she
wants to film YOU the whole time, despite your discomfort?

Fuck that. I wouldn’t want a camera pointed at me while I’m trying to relax and enjoy a hike either.

And it sounds like she was trying to pass-agg over correct her behaviour by saying “I’ll just look it up on YouTube” for the rest of the holiday.

She sounds like one of those friends where its all about her and what she wants. Then throws a tantrum when you won’t comply. I know its painful to lose a friend, OP, but it sounds like you’re better off without this friendship.

I think most people would be fed up with your friend's bizarre behaviour but is it worth losing a lifelong friendship because of it?

Yanbu OP! People taking photos and videos all the time are SOOOOO tedious.

Presumably you were walking in a public place?
In which case anyone can film you without your permission and do whatever they wish with the film.

They can, but it would be rude to do so if the person has objected. Why would anyone want to treat a friend like that?

One of my major triggers is being filmed or having my photo taken, I hate both. I wouldn't have refused to go anywhere if she was insisting on doing that.

This constant need to take photos of everything and film everything, is massively intrusive.

If a friend of mine doesn't like something, we don't do it, full stop. Why is this so hard for people to grasp?

Hi OP, sorry about the ruined holiday and friendship but I think you were absolutely right to stick up for yourself.

If you want to have a go at salvaging the friendship, try one of your usual, not journal-worthy meeting places? She does come across as passive-aggressive though.

On a side note, I'm startled by the 'if it's not on camera it didn't happen' mindset of you friend. Her approach would have been unfeasible even 20 years ago, what would she have done then?

And as pps said, videoing is distracting even if the subject is willing. To need video to take ownership of your own experiences feels next door to addiction - quite sad in a way. I hope it remains exceptional.

Your mate is a weirdo, don't see the point of documenting your life.

A strange self obsession, when we die and those who love us die, we will be forgotten, even our children will be forgotten.

All these people obsessed with having so much data storage.

I print a few photos of loved ones and beautiful places, then I frame them and get to appreciate them every day.

Best to always avoid anyone who takes photos rather than dances at a concert.

Yep, hate having my photo taken too, have a bright eye colour that strangers think they are entitled to photo, nope, I get angry and treat them like they are a creepy bloke.

This!! Also, Who wants to watch a 5 hrs video?!! Even if I’d recorded it I wouldn’t want to watch it again 😂

Perfectly put!

How on Earth does the OP sound entitled simply for not wanting a camera pointed at her constantly?

The only entitled one is tbt friend who thinks her wish to video the OP is more worthy than the OPs wish not to be videoed.

She could have filmed the hike without the Op in - not like the OP was trying to ban her from filming at all.

I was just about to reply with this reason. Being around someone filming/taking photos can make some people uncomfortable. Instead of wandering around taking in the views and learning about the surroundings, they’re thinking about their appearance, clothing, hair and make up etc. Never assume someone’s comfortable about this.

5 hour video!

That is ridiculous and would have been tedious. How can you be yourself, especially physically exerted, with a phone in your face for 5 hours.

@KettrickenSmiled
I know you love performing as the Thread Contrarian @Keyansier - but that's a weird take on entitlement!

I know you love picking apart every single thing I post @KettrickenSmiled - not sure if you're aware of this but you don't need permission, or a licence, to record someone or something on your phone or camera, you don't need them to say 'yes you can film me' and have to stop if they say no.

I don't mind being in photo's as long as I don't have to look at myself but honestly she sounds bit ott. It would ruin the holiday for me having someone behaving like the paparazzi.

I would have hated it, every word, yawn, sigh, facial expression being filmed without me wanting it to be. I don’t really understand the ones who think it’s fine. So what if she’s not an influencer, why does that make it ok?

You’d have to be a spectacular level of knob to follow someone filming them for 5 hours against their expressed wishes.

That's not true. What a very UK centred view. She's gone somewhere long haul, it would have been mentioned if long haul meant bouncing around the Lake District.

I like to live in the moment and an experience is only really worth anything if it is ephemeral. Benn to a good few places around the world and if I have a dozen picture total I would be surprised. Taking a permanent video or picture of an experience with my image in it would feel like a serious breach of my privacy to me if I hadn't given permission since I am a private person.

The increase in selfies and picture taking at every outing of any kind or holiday really annoys me, it's a symptom of a vein society that wants to have evidence to validate every individual's existence by some personal or public measure of having been places and seen things. All the while, missing out on just enjoying the moment, really paying attention to the experience as it happens. Having a video camera hovering around all the time feels creepy and intrusive. I definitely think she was being unreasonable to assume that you were just fine with essentially being her photo/video accessory. She seems incapable of grasping that her desire to film you would have detracted from you enjoyment of the moment and made you so self-conscious as to have ruined the experience for you.

And for a 5 hour video...what the hell? Who would watch back a five hour hike first of all? A five hour video of a hike seems pointless to me. You will never experience the scents, the colors, the sensations of a really good hike through a video and taking the video I think would distract from really being able to spontaneously absorb and relish the reality of it.

I think OP you just have to accept that your personalities and priorities do not match for going on holiday together. You are strictly native environment friends.