Friendship ruined after holiday?

[ToFilmOrNotToFilm]

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

That doesn't make any sense - If I disagree with a poster I tell them I* *disagree with them. If they disagree with me, then ok, they disagree with me, and that's just that as far as I'm concerned.

I didn't hound OP with hyperbolic statements on this thread either - are you able to point out where I did that?

Sure can @Keyansier
From dismissing her right to make her own choices by telling her what she "should" care about, right through to personal attacks.

Completely disagree with this, I think the OP sounds quite entitled.

why should the OP care?

If I can be a bit frank the OP's behaviour is coming across as a tad pathetic

None of these are examples of hounding the OP though. I believe I replied to the OP once (sorry OP too lazy to go back and check!!). All those examples you gave were me responding to replies from the likes of you, and from other posters.

None of these are examples of hounding the OP though. I believe I replied to the OP once (sorry OP too lazy to go back and check!!). All those examples you gave were me responding to replies from the likes of you, and from other posters.

So?

Do you think your cutting remarks don't hit home if they are ABOUT an OP instead of TO her?

You claimed I was hounding the OP with repeated hyperbolic statements towards the OP. I didn't. I think the majority of MN would agree that the phrase "hounding someone" is a far, far cry from "leaving replies in responses from different people which disagree with what the OP posted".

And I think personal attacks calling OP 'pathetic' & 'entitled' for objecting to her friend ignoring her wish not to be constantly filmed is hyperbolic.

You'll disagree, but I suspect that far from "the majority of MN would agree" with you, that most have already seen your contrarian stance elsethread. Having now also seen your odd notions about what consent means, most of 'em are likely on Team Consent, & view your personal attacks as out of order. So I'm more than content to agree to differ. Have a good rest of evening.

I could not agree with you more. My bil videos every concert he goes to. Literally stands there and watches it through his phone, so capturing anyone singing along, what they are saying etc. We just will not go to a concert with him. He is very hurt but literally cannot see it from our point of view, which is that it ruins the experience for us.

She sounds excitable and sweet. I think the friendship drifting will be a good thing for her so she can be herself without anyone making her feel bad.

So I'm more than content to agree to differ.

As am I, except when I do it, it results in outpourings of posts like yours for disagreeing.

She doesn't sound remotely sweet.

If you were walking in front, she'd film your back, if you were walking side by side or you were behind her she'd get nothing.

This is a non- story and no big deal.

Filming you for that long in the knowledge that you didn't want to be filmed suggests she's a sociopath.

She just sounds a bit odd.

It's no big deal to you perhaps but it is a big deal to a lot of people. Lots of people don't feel comfortable talking when there's a camera around, constantly having to watch where I can stand relative to where the camera is etc.

If you were walking together, she couldn't film you.

If you walked ahead she filmed your back.

If you were chatting and it was picked up, what's wrong with this? It's just your voices.

She is keeping the footage private. So, what's the big deal?

In a few years you might be glad she filmed it and you can both look back at your holiday.

It’s so weird that this website is normally so strong about consent and respecting people’s wishes and boundaries.

yet apparently wanting to film your friend for multiple hours against their wishes is fine if you’re not planning sharing it on social media and the OP is the spoiler for not letting her friend do what she wanted on her holiday…

So bizarre.

You can...and should...ask permission for many things which are 'not illegal'.
Presumably you ask permission to use someone's bathroom?

The big deal is that it makes me feel tense when I know I'm walking with someone and they have the camera rolling permanently. All our conversations are being recorded, I have to watch where I am constantly if I don't want to be in the frame.

Has filming everything become so normalised now that we're not allowed to feel uncomfortable with being filmed by our friends while on holiday? Many people don't mind if their friend strapped an iPhone turned GoPro to their chest to record their entire day like we're on some TV show, even if it's not posted anywhere. Many do mind.

I wouldn't want to be filmed for hours. I want to relax and chat on holiday and on my hiking walks when I did them.

If I wanted to make a documentary video I'd go with a documentary film crew!!- but it was a holiday to relax on and enjoy the company and sights. Not stare into the wrong end of a mobile set on video mode

Your friend was unreasonable

There's a difference between taking some photos and short couple minute videos every now and then when you have a spectacular view to pan round the view - and between filming endlessly every move or chat you have on what a supposed to be both your holidays

Your friends behaviour was selfish and outrageous .

No wonder she made you feel uncomfortable starting unwillingly in her 24/7 Holiday Documentary video show

How to make someone uncomfortable ? Follow them around uninvited and unwelcome filming them for hours!!!

She's lucky you didn't refuse to go out anywhere with her til she put her damn phone away!

If you were chatting and it was picked up, what's wrong with this? It's just your voices.

Because you're having a private conversation not for recording

How can you relax and chatter away when someone is reviewing every word you say ?!

It was a holiday not OP's (unwanted) starring role in Documentary Walk Part 23 (5 hour unedited version)

Recording not reviewing

Yes, sadly, it has become very normalised. Social media has brainwashed people into thinking that every aspect of their life needs to be documented - endless photos, recordings and similar, and then having to share those on all different social media platforms, that will ultimately stay on the internet for ever. There’s a lot less privacy these days.

You have these Instagram parents who from the first ultrasound picture plaster their pages of pictures that show every aspect of their child’s life - when they are sleeping, what they are eating, how they are feeling- you see loads of these of young children crying and in distress about something but their parents deem it ok to upload those videos because they think it’s funny, and it’s extra internet points. It’s just vile behaviour. These kids haven’t given their consent and yet their entire lives are documented on Instagram or wherever, by the very people that are meant to be protecting them. It’s so messed up but sadly I do think that this is increasingly the norm.

She doesn’t understand that you don’t want the whole trip filmed. It really makes one feel self conscious if conversations are being recorded. I have an aunt like this. She wants to take pictures of absolutely everything and everyone, at all times. Makes no sense. She was with me on the school run once to pick up my child and she started filming all the children walking out of the school. I told her casually that it might not be a good idea as their parents wouldn’t want other parents/strangers taking videos of their kids. She got so angry at me I didn’t think she’d ever speak to me again. She took it as if I were lecturing her and thought she was acting like a child/silly, she said. But I had to tell her to stop.

I'm 100% with you OP, I would have absolutely hated that, nothing to do with where the video might or might not end up, nothing to do with what I look like or sound like. I just would NOT WANT TO DO THAT THANKS ALL THE SAME. And that should've been the end of it. Why should you be made to feel uncomfortable for someone else to be happy? Nope.

5 hours ?! -her video equipment would be somewhere the sun doesn't shine after 5 minutes if that was me