Friendship ruined after holiday?

[ToFilmOrNotToFilm]

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

Yes, exactly. I would be super uncomfortable with this. It's totally inappropriate to keep doing something that she knew the OP did not want. It's controlling and horrible entitled behaviour. I wouldn't give a rap about losing a 'friend' like that quite honestly. Boundary treading arseholes are given short shrift from me though.

This ^ That's why I'm on the fence. On the one hand, the OP's friend sounds annoying, and ridiculous, wanting to film for 5 hours!!! But I also dislike the 'oh nooooooooo don't take a photo of me, I look fat/ugly, my hair looks shit, my make up's not right wah wah wah' brigade too!

I think it should be illegal. I would be extremely unhappy with someone ignoring my autonomy over my body. That is not a friend!

In all fairness part of it I think is that I wasn't as firm as I should be when I said I didn't want to be filmed. DF generally sees the camera as an extension of her eyes and as long as it's not posted thinks it's not a big deal and doesn't understand how anyone can have an aversion to cameras. Didn't want to get into an argument while out especially on camera so spent half the time with my back turned to the camera or walking behind or not saying much which is probably my fault.

Ugh yes people who film everything like this are annoying. I don't like being on video either and hate the sound of my voice so it would make me uncomfortable too. Why film it all is she ever realistically going to rematch 5 hours of footage?

Not at all. I hate having my photo taken and I remember my dad ruining a big trip to New York many years ago when he huffed baucase I asked him to stop taking pictures of me every two minutes.

when people don’t respect boundaries they are showing they are selfish. Why did your friends desire to film you trump you desire not be filmed?

its A difference in a point of view. As a friend I wouldn’t want to make my friends feel uncomfortable for 5 hours just so I could have a video. She ruined her own holiday by being unable to compromise, Agee times when she could video/take photos and actually live in the moment the rest of the time

It has nothing to do with how I look. I just don't feel relaxed and able to talk, be myself when there is a camera pointing at me.

I'm the same. We had a photographer come into work one day to take photos for a brochure. He reckoned he'd seen pieces of wood that were less wooden than I was. I just hate it.

@PurpleButterflyWings just to clarify, you would find it irksome and annoying if a friend was unhappy that you filmed her for 5 hours against her will?

If you don't like being filmed, why did you let her do it? Were you walking ahead the whole time so she could film you and who in earth could walk and film for hours on end?

This is ridiculous.

It’s basically like being captured on CCTV

I’m sure there’s a Black Mirror épisode like this.

People have become programmed to constantly make content. It’s an urge which overrides all else including respect for the privacy and wellbeing of other people! Dark days.

Like everything, a compromise should have been reached to preserve the friendship.
it sounds like she did cut down?

The camera (and microphone) was strapped to the friend’s chest - a bit like the bodycams police officers wear.

Costs less than £15 on amazon and you can turn your iPhone into a GoPro where if you're not panning around you can put it in the holder and walk normally.

Also to quote myself:

In all fairness part of it I think is that I wasn't as firm as I should be when I said I didn't want to be filmed. DF generally sees the camera as an extension of her eyes and as long as it's not posted thinks it's not a big deal and doesn't understand how anyone can have an aversion to cameras. Didn't want to get into an argument while out especially on camera so spent half the time with my back turned to the camera or walking behind or not saying much which is probably my fault.

I really wouldn't like it, it is kinda disrespectful too, just carrying on anyway. And a bit weird. If someone said they didn't like something I would apologise and stop, the fact she didn't and it caused an a row is strange.

No, she can't just take footage of you when it is clear it is against your wishes

This is about respect and boundaries not films and footage. You either know each other too well, and it has become blurred, or you don't know at all anymore and she isn't who you thought she was.

I think she should apologise to you op.

I will say as someone who doesn't take photo or really like them that much i am so grateful for the fact my friends are video and photo takers. The memories are amazing and the can usually take you back to the very moment,

I do think if she's not posting them its not really a big deal and if you'd prefer just walk behind her so your out of shot.

but each to their own i guess.

do feel bad for her not being able to get any nice videos or memories of you all enjoying the holiday

You have NO IDEA why some people dislike having their pic or vid taken.
I dislike it because it has uncomfortable connotations with the person who perpetrated CSA against me.

Somebody else might dislike it because they are self-conscious. Somebody else because they hate the way they look in the jumper they chose today.

ANY of those reasons are good enough.
The moment you start castigating people for a simple personal preference, or cross-questioning them, digging for reasons you feel they 'ought' to comply with your wishes, YOU are the unreasonable party.
Not the person who has expressed a polite wish not to be included in your filming.

& in one fell swoop, @Keyansier announces to the world that s/he doesn't give a toss about consent ...

Lovely.

I would feel incredibly awkward being filmed for 5 hours, that's not a holiday video thats bloody surveillance 😅. My anxiety would go into overdrive in case I said or did something stupid.

But the friend wanted OP in her shots so her surveillance documentary film was personal to her and didn’t look like any old stock footage off YouTube. Then sulked because OP wouldn’t star in her movie.

& in one fell swoop, @KettrickenSmiled targeted another one of my posts again...

Predictably

Do you seriously believe that if someone doesn't give you explicit permission to take a video with them in it, or take their photo, or take a video of something or someone, on your own device that you paid for, then that is abusing their consent? You sound like the police on those videos who squeal "it's not legal to film me, you don't have the right". Absolute looney tunes

Hah I dread the day iGlasses or something similar becomes commonplace. I saw someone with Snapchat glasses on years ago and would never feel comfortable talking to them or even hanging around them for that matter if they’re wearing them. My idea of an absolute nightmare.

If someone doesn't want their picture taken, it's an asshole move to take their picture. There is no 'both sides' or 'extremism' to this. The friend is in the wrong.