Friendship ruined after holiday?

[ToFilmOrNotToFilm]

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

Bit weird her wanting to record you all the time tbh... then sulking that she can't. Wtf. No problem to just record the surroundings and no one in it, the whole point is that she recorded it whilst there and can think back on the memory, its not the same as looking on YouTube. I just find it really odd she either records you, or doesn't record at all. Strange.

Er, no

If I'm in someone's house (that I know and not just a random person) I will announce I am going to use their toilet. I don't ask for specific permission if I'm already in their house and I've been invited in.

Tbh though, I can hardly see how the two examples are comparable to each other in the first place.

After 27 years of marriage the number of pictures I have of my other half can’t be more than a dozen. This is one hugely camera-averse person. This doesn’t stop us taking pics of places we visit to enhance the memories thereof. I
think your friend is just an inconsiderate arsehole, frankly. The attitude of “well I can just find pictures of Google” is utterly ridiculous. A shame you had to find this out on a presumably expensive holiday, but that’s life.

I agree with you OP I dont like being in photos or videos either. She should respect that and move on

They're not comparable; I was just pointing out that we often ask permission for things that are 'not illegal', as previous poster asserted.

You are well with in your rights to feel mighty pissed of with your friends moronic behaviour.
Of course you should ask permission to film someone in the first place.

But you should feel able to be straight up and say 'No' to the film being posted. Also, permission should be asked for prior to posting. It's common decency and manners.

Oversharing, recording every event that takes place, is killing spontaneity and the enjoyment of the moment.

It would drive me insane if I'd gone on a break with someone doing this.

This!

YANBU At the end of the day, this was not something you wanted to compromise.
It ruined your holiday which should have been a lovely memory for both of you to remember.
But no matter what, this is a friend you have known for a long time and I believe you will not loose anything by trying to forget this unfortunate time, forgive her and continue your friendship. Time is too short, everyone have their quirky sides but other than what happened on holiday, if you enjoyed having her as your friend before,
take a forward step😊

This

I never understand people like your friend - if you’re somewhere beautiful and amazing look at it through your own eyes, not through a small phone screen. Plus there’s nearly always professional photos/videos available which is going to be much better quality than a shaky iPhone.

I bet the vast majority of video she takes is never watched after the event anyway. Does she really while away a spare 5 hours watching your entire walk in real time?

OP you aren't being unreasonable at all. I dislike being filmed specially in someone's disse device. I will accept a few minutes if in a group . 5 hours is a lot!
I have friends that are very keen on social media and I dread girls night out because they are constantly taking pictures and making videos and get upset if I don't take part. I hate not being able to veto what images of me are posted online

I think YABU. Since the video isn't going anywhere and just for memories I think it's harmless. I don't post pictures/videos but I like taking things for memories and looking back at them. Imagine watching that video 15 years from now and reminiscing, would be great to remember. Although I do think a heads up should be given.

Well, that's your problem. The footage is not going to be shared. The holiday is over. Why are you making such an issue about it now? Forget it.

Video/photo-taking friend sounds an absolute PITA. Very irritating and intrusive. I’d want to tell her to F**k off and leave me alone.

Both of you are extreme. Op, why didn’t you suggest videoing her instead of her videoing you? That way, she got the memory and the journaling experience but you wouldn’t be in it. Since she’s your childhood friend, I feel like both of you could have handled things better with more compromise and kindness on both sides.

I would absolutely hate this

It doesn’t matter that it seems trivial to you, or yo Op’s friend: “Why should the Op care” - she DOES care and that’s enough. You do not film people who do not wish to be filmed - end of. It’s not for another person to judge if she ought to allow it.
I would hate for my every move to be filmed, no way I’d be able to relax.

Disagree with you.
This is a generational/societal thing I think.
Unfortunately we're now in a place we're you're being snapped or videoed all the time and we do have to speak up and say no thanks !!

@Keyansier

YANBU, a true friend would respect your wishes and be enjoying your company, not sulking about not being able to record the entire trip.

Your friend's mania for filming everything reminds me of two Canadians I met in the late '80s. One was in a mad rush to see all of Europe (by the time I met them in Greece they had already "done" the UK, Scandinavia, France, Germany, Italy, etc. in just a few weeks!) and brushed aside his travelling companion's pleas to slow down and see places properly by saying "We can look at my photos for as long as you like when we get home!" I suspect that their friendship was heading for the rocks, too.

Years ago I learned that in trying to get a photo of my DD on Sports Day I actually missed out on watching the event itself and creating a proper lasting memory. I didn't make that mistake in the years that followed.

No, it’s the friend’s problem. If she wants to spend her entire holiday filming someone then she should go on trips with someone happy to be filmed.

It’s also amusing that so many people have said about the friend not posting it anywhere public, yet there are numerous threads on here where people have had pics and videos posted online by people who know that they don’t like them or their child being online. Those threads tend to carry a “well that’s the risk you take letting someone else film you” air about them.

She had the opportunity to put her foot down and say no. Anyway, it's done now. So, why all the moaning on here?

It's amazing that posters believe all this guff which happens on Mumsnet with increasing frequency now.