My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Friendship ruined after holiday?

195 replies

ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 14:49

Just came back from a long haul holiday with a childhood friend.

I'm very private and not a big photo taker. DF's the opposite.

We went to the national park on day 2, and our entire 5 hour walk was captured on video. I wouldn't mind so much if she'd just filmed the walk but I was in 70+% of the video because she didn't want it to look like some stock video taken off YouTube! Told her I didn't want to be in her videos but since she's not uploading it to social media apparently she doesn't see the big deal?

Got into an argument later that night and she simply could not understand that it doesn't matter if no one but her will see it!

Next few days were really uncomfortable, she didn't film anymore, just took a few pictures as she felt like she could find photos/videos on google if she wanted to remember the place. She won't film with just herself in the videos because she thinks it's awkward/pointless and I don't feel comfortable talking when I know the camera's rolling.

The whole trip was basically ruined tbh. Everyone was unhappy — she adopted this attitude of 'I'll just go look at pictures on google/YouTube' and I honestly really do not like having my every move recorded so wasn't going to compromise there.

Was I being unreasonable here? We haven't spoken since we came back. All those years of friendship and money down the drain. :(

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

1663 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
24%
You are NOT being unreasonable
76%
jazzybelle · 25/11/2022 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yet she still went ahead and did it!!!

I can post if I want to. It's nothing to do with you.

And what's pathetic is posting about something that has happened and really doesn't matter or make any difference to their lives whatsoever.

The issue is laughable.

Report
JustLyra · 25/11/2022 01:05

jazzybelle · 25/11/2022 00:46

Yet she still went ahead and did it!!!

I can post if I want to. It's nothing to do with you.

And what's pathetic is posting about something that has happened and really doesn't matter or make any difference to their lives whatsoever.

The issue is laughable.

They’ve lost a long term friend. That’s what the post is about.

That may be nothing to you or make no difference to your life, but clearly to the OP it does.

Report
FrozenGhost · 25/11/2022 01:11

Imagine watching that video 15 years from now and reminiscing, would be great to remember

I don't think so, imagine listening to a recorded conversation you had just randomly nattering to a friend 15 years ago - cringe!

Report
Charlize43 · 25/11/2022 01:16

Dump her, block her!

She sounds like some awful 'influencer' in the making. You know once of those awful people who hold up queues while they narcissistically film themselves.

Report
jazzybelle · 25/11/2022 01:33

JustLyra · 25/11/2022 01:05

They’ve lost a long term friend. That’s what the post is about.

That may be nothing to you or make no difference to your life, but clearly to the OP it does.

Thanks. You can stop trawling through the OP and then throwing lots of different excuses now. We don't agree let's leave it at that.

Report
JustLyra · 25/11/2022 01:54

jazzybelle · 25/11/2022 01:33

Thanks. You can stop trawling through the OP and then throwing lots of different excuses now. We don't agree let's leave it at that.

It’s hardly “trawling” to reply to you with something that’s the title of the thread.

You don’t get to control my postings anymore that you pointed out that I don’t yours.

Report
Stewball01 · 25/11/2022 06:22

Some people dislike having their photo taken. It was very rude of the friend to ignore her wishes. YANBU.

Report
Babydrama2022 · 25/11/2022 06:34

You are not unreasonable to feel as you do about being in photos and videos but yabu here.

You went on holiday with her knowing this. It's her holiday too and whilst filming the entire hike isn't OK in terms of impact on conversation, she could have removed sound. She enjoys documenting and the fact she doesn't even post them on socials tells me it's very much about having memories she can revisit personally, than attention seeking. One day you'll be old and grey and looking back on them will have brought her comfort.


Sorry but you ruined your own trip by going on holiday with someone you knew enjoyed journelling. And then ruined her trip too.

Report
Flutterbybudget · 25/11/2022 06:36

I had to have my arm twisted to have a photographer at my own wedding, and refused point blank to have it recorded. So, I’m completely onboard with you OP. Tbh, they’d have been lucky if their camera/ phone hadn’t met with a serious accident after ten minutes of that. It would 100% be a deal breaker in a friendship for me. Not just the idea that she couldn’t spend the holiday without filming every second, but that she was so willing to ignore your own feelings about it. A few posed selfies of each other as “momentos” sure, I can understand that, even though I’d still hate it, I’d go along with it, but recording for hours on end, no, no and an absolute no!

Report
Flutterbybudget · 25/11/2022 06:38

Babydrama2022 · 25/11/2022 06:34

You are not unreasonable to feel as you do about being in photos and videos but yabu here.

You went on holiday with her knowing this. It's her holiday too and whilst filming the entire hike isn't OK in terms of impact on conversation, she could have removed sound. She enjoys documenting and the fact she doesn't even post them on socials tells me it's very much about having memories she can revisit personally, than attention seeking. One day you'll be old and grey and looking back on them will have brought her comfort.


Sorry but you ruined your own trip by going on holiday with someone you knew enjoyed journelling. And then ruined her trip too.

Equally, the person filming, knew that she was going on holiday with someone who wouldn’t want to be filmed. So she also ruined the holiday, by that measure.

Report
Christmaslover2022 · 25/11/2022 06:44

No, I would hate this!

I've got a friend who does this, I call her the paparazzi! It's so annoying!

Report
YeOldNoName · 25/11/2022 07:12

I think everyone saying "Oh why would she film for hours blah blah" is being really unreasonable. There's people who do post to social media who film themselves playing video games for hours. There's people who video themselves riding motorbikes for hours, there are people who video old buildings.... so effing what if she videos her hike for hours!!!
OP sounds like a bit of a brat tbh, came here looking for advice but argued the whole way through. I can see why the friend didn't speak for the rest of the trip!

Maybe she shouldn't have recorded the OP, or maybe she just wanted a first person POV to remember the trip by. Maybe she wanted to remember every part of it.

Report
Flutterbybudget · 25/11/2022 07:52

YeOldNoName · 25/11/2022 07:12

I think everyone saying "Oh why would she film for hours blah blah" is being really unreasonable. There's people who do post to social media who film themselves playing video games for hours. There's people who video themselves riding motorbikes for hours, there are people who video old buildings.... so effing what if she videos her hike for hours!!!
OP sounds like a bit of a brat tbh, came here looking for advice but argued the whole way through. I can see why the friend didn't speak for the rest of the trip!

Maybe she shouldn't have recorded the OP, or maybe she just wanted a first person POV to remember the trip by. Maybe she wanted to remember every part of it.

She certainly has a holiday to remember anyway - it was the one where she lost her childhood friend

Report
newnamequickly · 25/11/2022 08:47

ToFilmOrNotToFilm · 23/11/2022 15:20

At the risk of sounding defensive, is it really that extreme to not like being on camera? If I appear in the background of someone's photos or videos, so be it. But aside from taking a few photos, I seriously dislike and don't feel comfortable with being videoed!

I absolutely hate being on film. No pictures with me in them and definitely no video.

My reaction to this would have been to ask her not to film me at any time. If she continued I'd have walked a few steps behind her to make sure I wasn't in the frame.

If she complained or continued filming then it would be obvious she didn't respect or take seriously your discomfort.

Not a nice thing to do and reading your post has made me feel so upset on your behalf. Recalling my own discomfort, that's a shitty thing to do to someone on holiday.

I can pose for photos but it take a supreme effort. I'd only want one or maybe two but the mental effort to be in that photo would normally compromise my day out. So I almost always say no. Video is a hands down no.

Report
PeachyPeachTrees · 25/11/2022 09:35

It would ruin the walk for me too. I'd feel tense, literally couldn't relax and talk normally if being continuously filmed, especially for hours.

Report
dustofneptune · 25/11/2022 14:37

Your friend was in the wrong. It's about consent. You don't consent to being on video and she shot a 5hr video where you were in most of it. It doesn't matter if the video is going to be shared or not.

It doesn't matter whether I'd be cool with being on video, what I think of her taking loads of photos or videos, etc. What matters is that YOU, her friend, were not ok with it, and she did it anyway.

If you do anything with her again, I would just talk to her beforehand properly and say look, we have a problem here, because I know you love to shoot video and that's fine, but I don't want to be in video. Therefore, if we're going to do anything together again, it has to be without video anywhere near me / on me. Then she can decide.

Report
jazzybelle · 25/11/2022 16:24

JustLyra · 25/11/2022 01:54

It’s hardly “trawling” to reply to you with something that’s the title of the thread.

You don’t get to control my postings anymore that you pointed out that I don’t yours.

OK. Carry on then.

Report
purplehair1 · 26/11/2022 08:52

I have a friend like this - photographing everything when I just want to absorb and enjoy in peace. Understand your annoyance.

Report
Kamd21 · 26/11/2022 09:15

Although I think your friend shouldn't have had her phone out for a whole 5 hours walk, I also think you are being a little unreasonable about it and its definitely not worth losing a friendship over. She's making memories with you of some place she might only have that chance with you to visit. If she's going to be the only one seeing it then why does it matter? I can totally understand why you would be upset but it's not something worth being upset or losing a friend over. And as upset as you are about it I'm sure she will be feeling just as upset.

Report
ellyeth · 26/11/2022 14:53

I can understand you being upset about this - I don't like being photographed or filmed either. She really should have listened to you when you said you didn't like it.

My husband is rather like your friend. When we went on a very special holiday, (and indeed on all holidays) he spends virtually all the time filming everything. So it is often difficult to have a conversation or just enjoy the moment. Some people feel that if they haven't got physical evidence of what they saw and did then it doesn't really exist. In my experience, they are so busy recording events that they are not able to recall them, or the feeling of those experiences, at a future date.

It is a real shame that you fell out about this but I think that is really down to your friend's attitude. It can be quite tricky holidaying with people - even people that you know well and like very much. I hope that your friendship can survive this but it depends how valuable it is to you.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.