I'm mentally very unwell atm and husband wants to have sex. I don't right now.

[SweetDreams1212]

I'm battling through a horrible mental breakdown at the moment. I have long term mental health problems and things have got extremely bad recently. I have anxiety, ocd, depression, self harm, possible adhd. It's taking all my strength just to look after my little ones (4 & 1 yo) and do my part time job. I'm struggling with sleep, I've lost weight, eating isn't easy sometimes. Last night I was so tense I couldn't even swallow water properly.

My husband is kind and supportive generally but he's said that he wants more sex and intimacy in our relationship. The thought of sex just fills me with added anxiety at the moment. I'm on meds, getting therapy in the next few weeks, seeing a psychiatrist after Christmas.

I love my husband very much but I'm at a point where I'm so low and life feels incredibly difficult that I don't care if he goes off to find someone else if he wants to have sex and I cant do thst right now. He said once a week would be good but I don't even want that right now. I need time to get better and I just feel pressurised.

I mean my aim is just to work on getting better sleep, not waking up every morning with my heart racing and shaking all over, to be able to eat. Sex is way down on the list of needs for me. But AIBU?

You’re never being unreasonable to refuse sex. You don’t owe anyone sex if you don’t want to.

YANBU.

You’re health comes first.
And no one ever owns anyone sex.

Is he being supportive of you?
Has he taken the lead with the kids, while you’re going through this?
Or is he just asking about sex?

Ooh, being pestered for sex!

So sexy. 😍

YANBU to not want sex and you're doing the right thing in not letting him pressure you.

How often is he bringing it up? Does he just accept it if you say no?

He's a real charmer isn't he?

At least he's not putting his own needs first. Oh, wait.........

YANBU. Concentrate on getting yourself better and do not add any other stresses to your plate. His only priority right now should be to support you and his children.

You are not being unreasonable at all, you need him to support you through being unwell. I’m sure he can do without until you’re better. Concentrate on you for now.

How often does he bring it up? And how?

Have you had a conversation about what you want in an ideal world vs what you can currently offer?

At the moment, you can't have sex. You are unwell. You need to work on getting better. But that's not a rejection of him or a marker for what you would want if you were well.

Lots of people struggle to see the difference between what is currently happening and what you'd want to work towards. Especially with sex.

Hope your recovery goes really well, OP

How long is it since you have had sex ?

You really need his support and understanding right now, and are getting all the help you can by the sounds of it. When he says he wants more sex and intimacy does he literally just mean sex? Or does he mean more cuddles and snuggling too? Are you overwhelmed by any physical touch or are there some things you could enjoy too if you knew they wouldn't lead to sex? For example cuddling and kissing while he masturbates could be very intimate and sexual - would you be up for that or is that too much?

Jesus fucking Christ. Are you for real?!

The fuck have I just read?

Are you for real? She can't eat, drink or sleep.

OP, ask him if he really believes his desire for sex is more important than your struggle to get through the day safely.

Because she doesn’t fucking want to? This is hands-down the worst advice I’ve read on this hellsite. Did you even read the OP?!

@AthenaPopodopolous do you know how rape-y that sounds?
If she doesn't want sex - SHE DOESNT HAVE TOO!

The OP will feel better eventually with the right support and GP/ psychological interventions. And she loves her husband , he clearly loves her too. They’ve spoken about it openly and honestly.
She will be in a better place soon and ready to make love to her husband. So lighten up you lot!

Just stop posting, honestly.

And right now she’s not in that place. She wakes up shaking and she’s too tense to drink water, but you think a bit of a red wine roofie in the meantime is a solution. Shame on you.

A red wine what?

Basically, it means your advice to op to get pissed and let her DH shag her to make her feel better sounds a bit rapey, given op has already said she doesn't want sex currently because she is unwell.

Does your husband know the full extent to which you're struggling?

If you're trying to mask some of your battle from him, the comment about wanting more sex may have been made because he genuinely doesn't realise how poorly timed it is.

I ask, because when my mental health is poor, I retreat into myself and try to carry all of my problems without any support, even from the people who I know rationally would want to be there for me.

Your husband has needs. So do you. But right now your needs come first, as they are about surviving, and his needs are only about thriving. You have to find a way to get you through your current battles before you can even think about anything else, and that's not unreasonable at all. Self-preservation first.

This is irrelevant.

If he is generally a decent person and not pestering you for sex, just mentioned it in a conversation, that’s one thing. He may be thinking that sex could be something fun that you find relaxing, and so not mean it in a pestering way.

But it really all depends on how he worded it…