To hate the fact I’m fat

[Somethingscanwait]

I was fat when I left school, fat when I graduated.

Fat in first pregnancy, fat at my wedding. Now pregnant again and fat.

I have had brief periods of being not-fat but I always put the weight back on

Fed up of being FAT!

Well, only you can change that.

YANBU to hate it, I'm morbidly obese and it sucks in ways slim people couldn't begin to understand

Use your anger to change your life.

I'm menopausal and feel fat in a way I never have before and it is discouraging. I feel massive, sluggish, heavy and burdensome. I need to work out how to change it - it makes life more difficult!

I know how you feel. I used to be fat. A fat kid, a fat teen, a fat bride, a fat mum to little ones. I’m slim now having met it head on and changed my diet and lifestyle. Have maintained it for years.
It’s in your hands but it is not easy.

Me too op. I've always been overweight, I've dieted (usually slimming world or weight watchers) and lost it but it always creeps back on. I'm the biggest I've ever been now
The thing is, I know how to lose it, I have all the books, I know my portion sizes are too big, I know I shouldn't eat the junk that I do in the evenings, I just lack the willpower to do anything about it and yes I know it's down to me and less in more out blah blah, but it's such a slog!!

What worked for you when you did lose weight?
Do you honestly eat more than you should, specifically portion sizes?
My sil and the midwife made a healthy plan for her in pregnancy and she didn't put on any extra weight. It's a good time to look at your diet because you can eat a little more.

Like she doesn't know that

I knew I’d get a helpful comment like the first one!

Of course only I can change it, but I can’t live my life again either and I am conscious of that.

Also, even aside from the fact I’m pregnant losing weight doesn’t happen overnight and you still have to put up with it for a longish time AND diet, which sucks.

Me too OP. I've tried alot of diets and I always give up. I don't have the energy to sort it out which is ironic. I'll never get over the fact that I allowed myself to be a fat bride and I can't change those photosI need serious help and I don't know where to begin.

I get it.

I've lost about three stone in the last few years and am getting near a weight I'm comfortable with (a size 12 basically).

But I look back now at all the years I wasted feeling awful about myself, my wedding, all the holidays, the classes I never joined, the friends I never made because I was so self-conscious and feel SO sad that I can never have those opportunities back.

Use the hate to make yourself change. When it gets hard, remember the hate.

There is a brilliant book called Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. Start there.

It’s not diet it’s a life style adjustment and needs to be forever or you just go back into your old ways and put the weight back on,

Use the hate to make yourself change

Not sure it works like that!

I know why I eat too much - I’m greedy and I like food. I also grew up in a very strange environment where food was concerned.

@CanYouFeelMyHeart you’ve done brilliantly, but yes I hear you.

I totally hear you, OP. Every time I start yet another diet, I convince myself this time is going to work. I look at dresses I’m going to treat myself to when I’m thin. Then I fell off the rails and all the weight pikes back on.

Yep …

I sort of wish I could just say to myself ‘fuck it!’ Would be liberating. And I bet if I could I’d gradually lose weight anyway!

have to put up with it for a longish time AND diet, which sucks.

Changing your diet and lifestyle (and mindset!) is hard, but not as hard as carrying around extra weight and self loathing.

Would it help to ask yourself why does it matter that you’re fat? A lot of fat people have been abused for being fat, and it’s vile. Especially as ‘being fat’ is just the state of having more adipose tissue than is usual. That doesn’t make you any more or less worthy or valuable or lovable or admirable than a thin person.

this is not to invalidate your feelings by the way - it’s not unreasonable to want clothes to fit better or differently, or to look and feel different. I’m just saying if you’re one of the many many fat people who have been teased or bullied or humiliated for the terrible crime of just, like, existing, then it could be worth your while trying to unpick that and tackling THAT, rather than your weight.

personally, as a bi person, I find people attractive based on their personality, vibe, dress sense, etc - bodies don’t come into it that much.

I've recently found out I'm obese, I thought I was a bit overweight (size 16) but while at the hospital (with weight related issues) the nurse weighed me against my height. The shock of knowing that and wanting to reverse the damage caused by this. I dread to think what state my health would be in 10 years time if I didn't do anything. While you might not yet have any effects, at some point you will if no changes to your diet are made.

The first answer seems flippant and unsympathetic I know. But it’s also accurate.

Look, I lost a lot of weight. Like nearly 10 stone. I used to weight 19st, I’m now sitting at a steady 9 and a half.
The real battle is the psychological one. It’s worth mentioning that I never used any slimming clubs, fad diets, shakes or soups. I didn’t low carb, fast, count points or syns…and I stayed well away from diet products and foods which are uniformly awful.

I followed the common sense diet. I knew what I should be eating and the things I should be keeping on the low and so that’s what I did. I learned to cook healthy delicious plentiful meals (I have a big appetite) and resolved myself to a healthy diet. The weight came off quickly to begin with then slowed to an average of 1lb per week. It took 2 and a half years to hit my target, which I have maintained for four years simply by carrying on as is.
I still have wine, chocolate, go out for cake and coffee…but for the most part I stick to a healthy, low fat diet and stay slim.

It was a long process but no deprivation regime is ever going to work long term. Changing your lifestyle does. X

I think one of the problems is that I’m not an attractive fat person. Some people are: they carry it well somehow. I don’t, I don’t think I’m ‘naturally’ big, if you see what I mean. I hate the fact my face and neck are squished into one.

I do know I am increasing my chances of dying young and I also know nothing tastes as good as being thin feels and carrying round my self loathing is worse than fatness and all of this. I am not going to read something here and go ‘aha!’ It has been a problem since I was 17, it always will be a problem.

Honestly @pictish I’m made up for you. I just know myself well by now unfortunately.

French doctors are extremely strict and vigilant with pregnant women.
Their diet is closely watched. My friend was not allowed to eat fruit during her pregnancy because of the sugar content. The French do not see pregnancy as a reason to gain excessive weight.

It is bloody hard to lose weight when you have never known it, I'm not going to give advice (because I am pretty hopeless), but I heard something years ago and it was "eat like a thin person"... well that didn't work (obviously), but I started "living like a thin person", which meant...moving like a thin person, thinking the world should accept me like a thin person, not saying no to doing something because of my weight.... And it worked better than I thought. It's not a magic bullet though.

not allowed

I don’t see pregnancy as a time to gain excess weight but it does mean actually losing it is going to be a bit difficult, which will probably lead to a load of stuff I didn’t want, heavily intervened birth, not able to breastfeed, etc.