To hate the fact I’m fat

[Somethingscanwait]

I was fat when I left school, fat when I graduated.

Fat in first pregnancy, fat at my wedding. Now pregnant again and fat.

I have had brief periods of being not-fat but I always put the weight back on

Fed up of being FAT!

Well it worked for me. If you want to stay the way you are, then that's your choice. But if you want to stop hating yourself you have to change something.

It's awful and I hate it. Keeping off fat is incredibly hard. "Change who you are...forever". OK... sigh.

It’s interesting people are telling me I hate myself. I don’t, I hate the fact I’m fat, but it is interesting that’s been taken to mean I hate me.

It’s not really about wanting to stay as I am, it’s about the fact that (for now at least) I have to … it’s a bit depressing. And trying to lose weight just before Christmas often is very difficult even for the most seasoned dieters.

I didn’t carry the weight well either. Some people have a frame that can see the excess distributed well or have strong facial features that are attractive as a basic. I am not one of those.

This will sound simplistic.
But...if you don't buy unhealthy/fattening food, you can't eat it.
Keep junk out of your kitchen.
If I have biscuits/cake at home, I cannot rest until I've eaten it all.
Funnily enough, if I have no sweet stuff at home, I don't think about it.
Honestly the brain is weird!

Boring answer but I've found exercising helps you eat better because you don't want to 'waste' the exercise benefit with bad food.

also grew up in a very strange environment where food was concerned.

That's why you became overweight. Whatever it was about the food in your childhood is locked into your subconscious thinking. It is possible to unpick this and change the outdated beliefs.

my self loathing is worse than fatness

That's why you stay overweight. Would you care for, protect and help someone you "loathe"? No. If you don't value yourself as you are toward you won't see any point in going through the changes you need to make.

@Eyesopenwideawake - I was quoting someone else.

Exercise is very tricky. I do go to a class once a week but not sure how much I get from it as it’s too advanced for me. We live in the arse end of nowhere and the gym is miles away.

@pictish - yep same. It just really doesn’t suit me at all.

7 years ago I was where you are now, possibly in an even worse position as I was 21st at 5'1. I hated my body, there are very very photos of me from back then, I had literally hit rock bottom, a bit like addicts have to before they are ready to do something.

I made the decision to change, even went to the GP to try and get some help (that was a big waste of time).

I didn't follow any fancy diet I simply took control of what I ate and using myfitnesspal made sure I ate less than I burnt. No food was off limits if I wanted it and I had enough calories I ate it. I steadily added activity/exercise and the weight came off.

I lost 10+Stone in 22months and went from being unable to walk across the room to running marathons from a (snug) size 28 to a 10-12 I've kept the weight off over 5 years now. It's not been easy, I still have a binge eating disorder and always will, but everytime the weight starts to creep back on I go back to the logging.

I was replying to someone else who told me that my self loathing was heavier than my fat, or something!

This one!

That’s really good @firef1y , you must be so proud.

I lost 4 stone and for 15 years I’ve kept 3 stone of it off.

It IS a slog. I have to watch what I eat. Make sure I don’t overdo it and if I do, pull it back for a while until the weight goes back down.

So it’s constant, but it does stop being such a battle after a while and becomes second nature.

If you can’t face the diet battle, why not try some small swaps for now? Swap sugar for sweetener. Full fat butter and Mayo to the lighter version. Same for cheese. Pasta, switch to whole wheat instead of white. Instead of having a huge bowl of pasta, have 2/3 of what you’d usually have and make a big pile of veg to go on the side. Bulk out meals with veg, so you get more portions and each portion is lower in calories.

it’ll improve your health if nothing else.

I think you know what you need to do to make positive changes. If you don’t do them, you’ll stay the same or maybe put on more weight. If you start slowly making healthy choices, you will be working towards improving how you look and how you feel. It’s completely up to you. I would write out meal plans and only buy what’s on the list, do it for a couple of weeks and see how you feel. Also, you can do exercise classes at home on YouTube or go for a walk? Maybe pregnancy yoga as you would meet other mums and it might be a nice group.

Try to be kind to yourself - you're growing a whole new human!

You're right that weight loss isn't encouraged during pregnancy because of the risk of malnutrition as the baby consumes so much of your vitamin and mineral supply, but you could try walking as much as possible, assuming you don't have SPD? It's cold and dark, and a bit miserable, but the exercise might make you feel a bit better about it (at least there's something you can do, as opposed to nothing at all), and being fitter will reduce your chances of intervention during childbirth.

Also - whilst you're pregnant, could you try to focus on eating healthily, rather than eating to lose weight? You might be able to break the cycle of binge-diet-binge-diet if the pressure to lose weight is taken away from you. The baby needs plenty of fruit, veg, lean protein, oily fish - and loads of refined carbs/sugary treats could actually harm the baby as it's more likely to lead to gestational diabetes. This could be the thing that leads to lasting change for you. As long as the food is healthy, eat as much of it as you want - you might find that you learn to self-regulate.

I was a slim child. Hut puberty and was a bit bigger but still normal weight.

Then at 20 I slipped into the overweight category at 11 stone and fluctuated between 11 and 13 most of my adult life.

First pregnancy at 28 I got up to 15 and haven't been able to shift it, so I got married the biggest I have ever been too this year.

I am pregnant again but so far 23 weeks and not put on a lb. So hopefully I can stay that way and will auto lose a stone when the baby cones to help kickstart me.

I don't want to be the fat mum at the school gates when my son starts school in sep. fine to be the chubby mum but not the big fat one!

Sending you luck, if it was as easy as people say it is no one would be fat

Oh I feel you too OP. I've been fat/slim/fatter/bit slimmer/fat/really fat over 30 years. I've tried every fad diet, every paid-for diet. I lose weight then something yeets me spinning back into binge eating, which is why I'm fat. It really feels like I just can't stop.

When I do stop for a while, all I crave is that comfort again. Food is the friend that sits by my side, it makes me feel soothed and complete and content. Without it I feel lonely and empty (despite having a perfectly lovely, ordinary life).

I'm not morbidly obese. I like

Posted too soo, damn Swift keyboard. Was going to say I'm not morbidly obese, I walk the dogs every day, I'm not short of breath, I can look respectable in nice clothes. I don't have any obesity related conditions (yet - I'm 50).

I occasionally accept myself as I am, but society rejects us so we're lesser people somehow.

With the class the instructor should be modifying the exercises so that you can do them and get the most of the workout for your ability.
When I first started going to classes I could barely do anything that everyone else could. I couldn't get down on to the floor to do things like mountain climbers and burpees, so I used a bench. Even with the bench I couldn't jump out burpees so I stepped them out. Eventually I could step out the burpee on the bench and jump back in, then I could do the full movement, then I changed from a bench to the step and finally on to the floor.
Most exercises have similar progressions until you can do the full thing.

Maybe have a chat to the instructor before the class starts (although I do think that they should have already had this chat with you off their back). Explain you need modifications, and remember it's your workout, you want to push yourself but don't try and keep up with everyone else, you are your own competition.

Still there is other exercise you can do, there are lots of workouts on YouTube. It does cost for a subscription but I think beachbody on demand is fab, there are all different types of workout from strength to hiit to dance to yoga, from beginner to advanced and they usually have at least one cast member doing easier modifications that you can follow. Again you are your only competition, you do not need to keep up with anyone else, instead you just strive to be a little better each time.

I’m definitely the fat mum

It’s not the instructor who is the issue, it’s me - I just can’t keep up! It’s a pain as where we live isn’t conducive for walking - it’s a country Lane with no street lamps and no pavements.

I have considered just trying to diet and shift a couple of stone before going into tri2 - not sure. Worried about harming baby but then from everything I’ve read they take everything they need. Not sure.

Again, only going on my own experience here…but once I’d dropped a bit of weight, I took up trail running. I started by running round a disused playing field at 5am so no one would see me huffing and puffing like a steam train.
Advantages to running are; no gym, go where and when you like, it’s free.
Might not be your thing but it’s something to think about.

Of course, exercise only attributes to weight loss nominally…but it does tone you up, increase your fitness and is incredibly beneficial for your mental health, energy levels and motivation. You can’t outrun a bad diet but you can boost a good one.

I wish I could run, but it’s something I’ve always been utterly hopeless at. Even in my more lithe days I was able to do most things fairly well but I just can’t run.

Im not someone who really enjoys exercise - I do it because I ‘should’ but I get no pleasure from it.