To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

They are noisy, expensive and I only hear people complaining about them. I used to be ambivalent until I lived next door to 2 children and now I am very anti them.

I”m curious about your true and legitimate reasons for wanting to have children, bringing them into a world of economic uncertainty, societal change and climate collapse.

Works both ways, OP.

People’s choices are their won, they are all legitimate and actually, none of your business. Be happy with your own and don’t worry about everyone else.

Never thought I've wanted kids. Open to the fact I may change my mind. I've always valued freedom very highly. My life choices have been around being as free as possible which I think is a luxury most women throughout history havent been able to choose.

I like children and I think id be a good mother should it happen but I also love the path less trodden by women throughout history and so far that's what I've chosen.

I honestly can't understand why anyone would want them.

They are noisy, expensive, painful to have and a huge responsibility.

I love my child free life. I go where I want and when I want at the drop of a hat.

Just as you have always wanted them, I have never wanted children, and nor has my husband. I've never had any kind of urge - I was constantly told I'd change my mind as I got older, I'm tipping 40 and I still don't want them.

I really like my life as it is and don't want to change it.

I don't understand why a different lifestyle choice is so hard to believe.

I don't have any maternal feelings whatsoever and never have had. I like my lifestyle and wouldn't want to change it by having children.

oh, and if I got pregnant I'd have a termination without any thought or guilt whatsoever.

Because the idea of being pregnant makes me recoil in horror, let alone actually giving birth.

Because the loss of independence would be, to me, intolerable. Because the things I enjoy - time intensive hobby, travelling, peace and quiet, spontaneity - are extremely difficult if not incompatible with children.

And, ultimately, because I'm not wild about children. Sure, some of my friends’/family members’ children are nice in small doses but I don’t generally enjoy being around kids.

To me there is no upside to having children.

waits for someone to question why us childfree hallions are on MN

Because I find children boring. And irritating. They smell and yes, I'm including that 'lovely' milky sick smell that people go gaga over with babies. They are messy, loud, and overall very tedious. My life is much richer and more fulfilling without them.

I’ve just never felt any desire to have any. It’s a bit like asking why somebody isn’t Muslim, or doesn’t like football, or doesn’t own a horse. You can’t make yourself feel a particular way about something that you simply don’t. It’s never been a “decision” in the sense of ever thinking I needed to choose yes or no. It’s just always been no by default.

I also like my lifestyle (and my body) exactly the way they are. I like only having to be responsible for myself. I like doing as I please. I like sleep. I like having a lot of money and being able to spend it on myself. I like being able to give my time to my career, my husband and my friends. Unless I’d ever desperately felt a child was missing from my life, I can’t imagine why I’d ever change anything.

I've never really wanted them. I enjoy snippets of seeing my friends kids, but ultimately it's the lifestyle I wouldnt want, not the child per se. I enjoy doing what I want when I want, having lie in's, quiet relaxing hols, romantic impromptu weekends with my hubby - just generally able to be selfish I guess. Ultimately the sad side is I'll have no children to help me in old age or be there for me like I am with my Mum - but obviously you can't just have children for that reason!!

It's exactly the same feeling as "knowing" you're done having children.

My desire for kids was a biological urge. Inexplicable but a deep rooted need. Now that I've had them I have no desire for anymore and the biological urge has left me.

Simple. If I'd had no biological urge to procreate then I wouldn't have done so.

And also, those with children don't "need" to understand why those who don't want kids don't want them, anymore than "needing" a reason to understand why someone would have a termination.

Women don't need to justify their personal choices.

I've never once had any kind of maternal feeling, not so much as a twinge. Babies bore me, children are okay in very small doses. If you have no biological desire to reproduce there's absolutely no logical reason to have children. The cons massively outweigh the pros (what even are the pros other than to satisfy the biological urge?).

I also have a phobia of anything pregnancy-related.

If I were to get pregnant I would terminate without a second thought. My absolute worst nightmare would be to be pregnant without knowing it past the point you could abort.

I never had "the urge", which I think can be explained by severe hormonal issues that occurred in my early 30s.

I don't see how anyone can want children if they think about it logically and that most of these decisions are driven by hormones and sentimentality.

Women don't need to justify their personal choices.

This 100%, I would never question why a woman chose to have children, so why is it ok the other way round?

^ I echo this. I can see no benefits to having a child.

*I really like my life as it is and don't want to change it.

I don't understand why a different lifestyle choice is so hard to believe*

@JorisBonson Wasn't being intentionally insulting, apologies if it came across that way. Just a simple case of genuinely not understanding what the negatives are in other people's minds, which outweigh all the positives in my own mind.

Don't really feel like them being noisy is a true reason. Because they're young and noisy for an incredibly short period of time. In fact, every reason that people have given so far mostly relate to children when they're small - being expensive, taking up your time, being loud etc. They're not loud for long. What about when they're older. And what about when you're older? What if your OH isn't around anymore? I worry I'd be lonely and I have many many friends but they've all got their own lives (and families!)

Can't think of anything worse. I value peace, quiet, and freedom and always have. I can do my own thing, go wherever I want & whenever I want. I have disposable income so can travel and spend time with friends and family, but then return to my relaxing soulful nest. Love chilling out in a cafe with a book or drawing/writing by the river, or going on courses and retreats to learn new skills. My childfree life is blissful to me. Appreciate everyone is different though and my lifestyle maybe someone's idea of a nightmare.

@Strokethefurrywall With all due respect I never once said I needed to know. I don't NEED to know, of course I don't. But I'm curious, and that's ok.

Don't really feel like them being noisy is a true reason.

You're asking for peoples views then dismissing them 🙄

@JorisBonson Fair point, I'll take that on board.

Don't like them and never met a woman growing up(including my mother) who enjoyed motherhood and was openly told by my favourite female relative not to have children.

Reading some of the stories on here from downtrodden, miserable women, kept in poverty by their own partners, doing all the drudge work I am glad I never changed my mind.

In saying that, I am in awe of all those of you bringing up well rounded, happy children with full help from your partners and there seems to be much more time for actually enjoying your family rather than just making it through the week just to start all over again. If I was young now, I might think differently!

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids

What are your reasons for wanting them?