Warning, long self-indulgent sob story alert.
I sometimes have said I'd not want to be a parent for the same reasons I'd not want to be responsible for bomb disposal. So much can go wrong and I'd not be good enough at it.
I believe I would be a terrible parent. My Father thought he'd be a great one, and he wasn't. He tried to live his life through me, after an abusive childhood which really messed him up. My Mother is a career orientated woman and I was alone with him a lot, and constantly walking on eggshells and feeling nothing but contempt from him as I wasn't what he expected (and he much wanted a son).
I have struggled with relationships, work, friendships, because of the way he brought me up to believe I was nothing. I am better as I get older but I will never be fully okay. It would be terribly unfair to have a child and risk projecting that onto them and/or turning out to be like my Father (and I am very similar to him in lots of ways).
I am petrified of childbirth and have been since I knew what it was(less so a C section but even with a planned C section one can go into labour early, or the spinal fails, or something goes wrong, I am still petrified of that just to
lesser extent).
I currently have (perhaps irreversible) damage to my pelvic floor and vaginal tissue due to sex. I imagine what childbirth would have done to me. I struggle to feel pleasure at all and my partner is scared of trying. I think childbirth would have had a long-lasting affect on me physically as well as emotionally and mentally.
Pregnancy also does not appeal. I wouldn't trust that my body would get it right.
I am a lesbian. Had I got into a relationship with a woman who wanted to do the whole childbirth thing, I may have gone for it (although the procedures for such also petrify me anyway)! And of course I'd have given it my best shot, if I had a partner I trusted to be a great parent and help me be one too.
I am not maternal at all. I am uncomfortable in the company of children. There are young children in my partner's family who are glorified, spoilt-I was 'Told off' recently for 'daring' to leave my G&T on the table while I went to the loo because one of them had knocked it over after putting his toy car in it and was crying.
'Sally you can't leave drinks about with the kids' -how about tell the entitled brat to not mess about with an adults drink?
I didn't like kids even when I was one myself. I remember how mean they were, and that their priorities were so so different to mine (much of the time, definitely the majority). I far preferred being alone and remember hiding when friends called for me. I once left my bag with some friends for whatever reason and they went through it and took the P out of my stuff, I'd have not dreamed of doing that, and the games they played that I just didn't 'get'. The meanness-I always joke that I was never a child. I did not enjoy being one and do not look back with rose-tinted spectacles either. I couldn't wait to be an adult and I enjoy adulthood far more.
I still don't know what to 'do' with children. I have a lovely neighbour with a very cute toddler whom I have offered to babysit if they want to go out. I've no qualms about doing it for them,flattered that they trust me and I'd definitely be careful with her and I am sure I'd manage to keep her alive entertained, but it is not natural for me. Children also seem to sense this from me and it makes me paranoid.
When I say she's cute, I generally do not find babies and children cute like most adults seem to. I can see she's a pretty little thing but I find animals far more appealing.
I never wanted children and was sure of this from a young age. Of course I was told I'd change my mind, repeatedly. I haven't (I am 40).
The world is changing and I have considered having my eggs frozen just in case.
Women in my family go through the menopause late, It's possible that one day I will get this change of heart and be desperate to reproduce (I am acutely aware of how scientifically rather than emotionally I express things about this!) of course there is, just as many other anomalies are possible.
I do not find anything about children appealing however. Nappies, poo, sick, snot, destruction. Schooling (I would DEFINITELY home school if I was a parent as I do not want to be doing school runs and the school system is so so toxic. Having to ferry them about, having to not really exist because the child's life is more important by default. Teenagers and how they're not only vilified (which I find terribly unfair on them) but also so selfish-I could not cope with some of the crap I read about on here)!
I have far more money than a lot of my peers and not because I have a successful career but because I am very privileged. This is not a financial thing for me at all and I find it bizarre that some posters have suggested the decision of being/not being a parent is related to that. Of course It's a factor but some people with 10 children live hand to mouth and some with one or less are among the richest in the world.
Incidentally, my parents didn't have more than me because they 'couldn't afford it'. They could of coure, and I am not convinced that if they had an accident my mum would have aborted, if they truly wanted one I feel they'd have had one.
Every relationship I've had has been toxic and/or abusive in some form. I'd have been very irresponsible to procreate in any of them. My current partner wants children but being a very masculine female she'd never dream of carrying (I know some do, but her personally).
The counter argument is, if someone dumped a baby on my lap now that somehow was mine, I'd manage and I'd do my best to be the best parent I could be. I am an only child and my genetic line (unfortunately?) is brilliant. My family are quite 'old' and have no genetic diseases, conditions, illnesses, anything. As my Father puts it 'from good stock'. I find it a shame that I am who I am as I am the end of the line. I also worry about being isolated in old age and feeling that nobody is here to carry on my line, and I will probably age and die surrounded by strangers. That is NOT a reason to procreate.
And then yes, as others have mentioned the world is a complete mess. What are people doing my over-producing more of us?
This all sounds very sad, I am aware and a lot of it is down to my Father.
I have been involved with children. My ex had four of them ranging in age from late twenties to early teens when I met her. The eldest was just 8 years my junior. All had been removed from her at ages from about 4-5 to teen. She was in touch only with the eldest when I met and later two of the others. I took her teenage daughter out, she lived with us for a bit, I loved her to death, I would say like my own but how would I know? I spent a lot of money on her, took her to her hobbies, helped her, was involved with the children's home she was in, became friends with the staff and was generally largely involved. I knew/know the other childs' foster parents and we have a very mutually respectful friendship.
For this reason I will add, I know the care system perhaps more than many do on here and it is abysmal. Some wonderful individuals within it of course-but the way some people glorify the love of parents is laughable.