To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

"you only truly experience adulthood when you have children" 😂😂 I'm done. If I knew any of my friends in real life thought like this they'd be dropped in seconds

@VeronicaFranklin What I find weird about this thread is the fact it is on Mumsnet...The UK's most popular forum for parents...and so many people lurking on here who aren't parents/don't like or want children so it strikes me as odd they'd choose to spend their time on here tbh.

Because I love reading all the batshit posters on AIBU. Most of time, the posts on AIBU aren’t anything to do with being a mum.

22 comments left on this thread before it's full. Use them wisely 😁

Others have their experience. Don’t silence women. I think we have all had enough of that. I am not sure I will be encouraging my daughters to have children. Women bear the physical aspect of pregnancy and childbirth. After birth women give up their careers and suffer the consequences of career break, women take on single parenting when men decide it’s too much for them. Why should women do that? To be fair a lot of women are choosing not to. Look at the birth rates in developed countries they are plummeting.

You're not really this stupid, are you?

Let’s raise a glass to all the commas that could have been.

I probably shouldn't have had any children!

I was 100% an animal lover and indulged myself in an array of lovely animals throughout my 20's. I also avoided children wherever possible and just didn't like or connect with them. Babies repulsed me as a child! I loved my freedom and I also hate noise.

Anyway I ended up having one because I felt I would regret not in later life. Really not a great reason but there we are.

As kids go, I have struck the jackpot. He really is an absolute gem. However, I had the sense not to have any more as I very much knew my limitations. It has not been an easy ride and fuck me, they are SO expensive.

I don't doubt that I would have had a lovely life being child free but there's no sending him back, nor would I want to. On balance I'm glad I have him and at least I don't have to deal with regret further down the line.

He also brought out a maternal side I never knew I had and it's been really nice to experience that.

I just question why women speak of motherhood in such derogatory and reductionist terms.
Feminism has taught women to be jealous of men.

Feminism has taught women to be jealous of men.

@Freudpenis Bollocks. Feminism has taught women that they are not treated as equals. Feminism has taught women that they should expect the same opportunities as men.

Good fucking God. Some of the most immature people I know are parents. Categorically can say it has not made them step up to any responsibility in any way. Look at the statistics for child protection planning in this country and then tell me everyone who has a child is experiencing adulthood in a responsible way. Fuck off.

I don’t have children, nor do I want them. I’m recently remarried and thankfully (early 30s) my partner also does not want them. We are high earning, independent responsible 😉 adults who both moved out in our late teens and have carved out successful careers. I enjoy travel, nice restaurants, lazy weekend brunches, late night yoga classes, space and quiet, financial flexibility, a beautiful tidy house and a degree of spontaneity in life. I cannot see that children would add anything positive to the life I have created that I love.

Imagine wanting the freedom to live as you please.

luckily, I’m in the position to do just that, which means I have no need to feel jealous of anyone, man or woman.

literally because it’s the first time you care about something more than you care about yourself speak for yourself. You might have never loved anyone else as much as you love yourself pre kids, but many of us do

I’d argue that very little is more selfish or greedy than having a child to scratch some biological itch with the bonus that if you don’t completely piss then off then they might visit you when you are old. All on a planet that is over populated and likely to see catastrophic climate events in either their life time or the lifetime of their children.

But hey-Ho. It’s the child free who are selfish.

I do wonder if the person on here who thinks that those of us who dislike children are prejudiced, has ever contributed to any threads bitching about the Boomer generation.....

Anyway, i don't like kids. Or, if it more acceptable, I don't like the way kids act. i don't like their entertainment. I find their company dull. I find their conversation limited. I don't like the mess they make, the sounds they make, the immaturity, the way everything has to revolve around them when they are present. I just don't like anything about them.

I don't see that as prejudiced, any more than the bitching about boomer threads. Some people will see the latter as more palatable as the former, in fact. I don't. Give me a boomer anyday over a kid.

If the French went round covering everything in snot, shit and crying all the time you might have a point. If ginger people made a row in a restaurant while you were trying to have dinner, that might be fair.

To infer that childfree people are racist is just plain daft.

Oh yes. I had that urge. I desperately wanted children, but it didn’t happen.
Every now and then me and DH will see some family having a dreadful time as a child had a tantrum of similar and say that we have dodged a bullet.

I just question why women speak of motherhood in such derogatory and reductionist terms

Because when posters make ridiculous remarks about not being a proper adult until you become a parents it kind of invites that kind of remark

Hey same!!

Yes, it's also a silly comparison because a black person will always be black and a French person will always be French. Children, barring tragedy, grow up. It's not about saying, "I hate this group of people" but "I don't much like people when they are at this early stage in their development."

@FlissyPaps 1)There are plenty of people who have a lot to do with children who don't have their own. Stepchildren/nieces or nephews, children they look after etc who benefit from the advice of parents on a site like mn.

2)MN isn't just a parenting site. It presents as such and may have begun as such but now it isn't. If someone Googles a given subject looking for advice on it it is likely a mn thread will be among the search results. I've seen posts from people who've joined due to finding about mn this way. Recent threads I've posted on were asking for advice or discussion to do with jobs, pets, housing, hobbies, legal predicaments, clothes or exercise to name a few.

3)women who have children aren't JUST parents. A random mn user may have two kids. They may also be a lawyer or shop assistant, may also like cycling or keeping hamsters, may also have certain illnesses or shopping habits etc etc. This site is useful for not just their parenting but for other things in their life too, why shouldn't a childfree person use it themselves?

Yes, it’s more like saying you don’t like drunk people. It is a temporary state.
Also I don’t like being lectured by someone who does like full stops.

In the same way, it would clearly be hugely racist/xenophobic to stop black or French people getting tattoos or drinking or seeing adult films or marrying. All things we do to children because we recognise they aren't developed enough to make these decisions.

Children are just people who haven't learned how to not be annoying. Some never learn. They then become the adults people don't like.

I guess that broody women are completely baffled by the idea that not all women have the biological urge to reproduce, in the same way that I am completely baffled when I read posts on MN from women asking whether they should have a 4th/5th/6th or even higher number child.

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