To think my friends don't give a shit about me?

[stelmosfire09]

I'm going through a really bad break up, after a ten year relationship. He basically promised me the world however within the past 6 months he has decided he can't commit and has fucked off travelling. I'm 30 and feel like a big chunk of my life has been wasted on him.

My two best friends and basically the only friends I have have been really good and supportive. But they both have kids, one has two kids and is married, the other has one kid but is single but doesn't seem to have that panic of finding someone as she has her child and doesn't want anymore so she hasn't the pressure of having to find someone to have children, she also just seems very content being single.

I went over to my single friends house last night for some drinks, we ended up staying up until about 4 in the morning (we started drinking late as she was working).

Both my friends know I am particularly vulnerable when I'm hungover and more likely to contact my ex. Around 2 pm today I phoned my married friend and asked her to pick me up as due to my hangover and anxiety I couldn't bear to be alone. She said she would pick me up but she was taking her kids to the park so I'd have to join them. I said it didn't matter.

My single friend who I'd been up half the night with just wouldn't answer my calls at all. When she finally got in touch she said she had been sleeping but was avoiding the question when I repeatedly asked her where she was. I honestly can't bear to be alone with a hangover since the break up and I have just felt totally alone and unsupported today.

My single friend generally likes to be alone, and with a hangover she likes to just watch films and chill out but surely if a friend is in need you would make an exception. I have been crawling out my skin.

These women I would bend over backwards for and inconvienice myself if they needed me but today just proved they don't feel the same way about me.

I know they have families, but the single ones daughter wasn't with her today. AIBU To be angry and feel unsupported? I just feel like cutting them off to be honest.

Yes, YABU!

One said you could go to the park with her and one said she'd been sleeping. What gave you the right to keep questioning her about where she was?

Also, hangovers are a bugger but if they affect you this badly, you need to take responsibility and stop drinking.

YABU. Your hangover isn’t their responsibility.

I'm sorry about your breakup op but it's not reasonable to drink until 4 am and then ask friend to pick you up. You need to get a handle on yourself. The older you get the less people will have the emotional energy to drop everything and hold hand over break up / bf issues. Children are all consuming and exhausting. Your friends can only give so much. I think lower your expectations of them and higher them for yourself. I hope it gets easier and you meet someone wonderful soon.

Yabu. Self absorbed.

Good grief, you sound like hard work

YABVU

Oh for goodness sake

Yabu.
they don’t sound like bad friends at all.
One offered to collect you and take you with her family to the park which is completely acceptable and the other was sleeping and perhaps dealing with a hangover in her own way.

when I have a hangover, I can’t function at all so would not be in a position to support a friend. I barely drink anymore for that reason.

You are overreacting because of the anxiety. It sounds like your friends have been normal supportive friends, and if one of them has kids but was still prepared to come and pick you up with no arrangement, that’s really kind of her!

The other friend being out of action for a few hours after a whole night up with you does not make her a bad friend at all.

Sorry but you’re being a bit unreasonable. You’re 30, not a teenager. You have to deal with life stuff yourself and can’t expect friends (even good ones) to be at your beck and call. Your friends have kids and responsibilities, their kids will be their priority obviously. They’d spent all of the night before with you so it’s not unreasonable that they didn’t want to spend the next day with you too! The friend who didn’t have her child with her maybe just wanted some alone time to enjoy the break from having her child? Whatever the reason they don’t really have to justify it anyway.

Had you spent the evening talking about your ex and the break up? If so maybe they’d just had enough of talking about it and didn’t want a repeat the next day?

Break ups are hard but you have plenty of time to start again, 30 is young. Maybe stop drinking to excess if hangovers make you feel so awful the next day? I mean that genuinely, it might be good to stop drinking for a while and find other activities to busy yourself.

YABU - very very unreasonable

One friend spent all night drinking with you, and the other picked you up despite already having plans with her children, and yet you want MORE.

Their world does not revolve around you or your inability to manage your own hangovers. You sound like very hard work.

YABU. They have lifes of their own. If you don't like being alone when hungover - don't drink? It's not their responsibility. You sound really spoilt.

If you know how you feel with a hangover, why did you drink? Take some responsibility for yourself and your actions.

YABU and very needy.

one friend just spent all night with you till 4am, had a hangover and you know she prefers to chill alone in that state, your other friend offered to spend time with you on the spur of the moment, but on the basis you had to fit into her day with her kids, you said no.

you need to respect your mate who you know prefers quiet when she is hungover (having spent hours with you), and respect your mate who has a busy life, 2 kids and plans, but tries to make room for you.

also, why do they need to stop you contacting your ex? You are a grown woman, it is not their responsibility.

sounds like they are good friends, but they also have other commitments beyond you. Only you can break out of your self pity.

Yabu. I'd struggle to cope with someone so needy.

Given the one who stayed up until 4 probably had to listen to you talking about the ex for hours, she deserves a break. The other offered, you turned her down.

You sound very hard work. Get a grip.

What everyone else has said.

You have good friends and you need to respect them and their lives a lot more than you do.

Get some therapy. You will be way happier.

Erm yes, their children come before your hangover....Big shock.

Sorry OP, you’re going through a tough time and I feel for you, but YABU. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings and realise that people have limited capacity in how much emotional support they can offer you. They actually sound like good friends! It worth considering minimising alcohol for now if you know it makes you feel extra vulnerable and anxious. I am sorry for the sadness you’re going through though.

This must be fake

You are way too intense op. Your friends, single or not, have their own lives. I get the alcohol related next day fear. We have all been there. But you are expecting too much and this over a period of time would be a deal breaker for me friendship wise

@stelmosfire09 get a grip

When you had your partner did you want to spend your hungover time with them? Grow up

Why do your needs trump that of your friends?

Going through a bad time can make people a little self absorbed while your problems are so big and raw. Do you think this is a possibility for you?

Is it possible your friends may want a break, especially after being together so recently?

Yabu and self absorbed and needy. One has spent her night with you drinking and another one still came to pick you up even when she was busy with her kids. What else do you want?

Break ups are awful when they’re not your decision, and you have my genuine sympathy. However, I think that YABU - your friends actually sound really nice.

Consider giving alcohol a rest for a while. Delete your ex’s number from your phone and block him on social media. Widen your social circle if you can. You’ll get through this.