To think my friends don't give a shit about me?

[stelmosfire09]

I'm going through a really bad break up, after a ten year relationship. He basically promised me the world however within the past 6 months he has decided he can't commit and has fucked off travelling. I'm 30 and feel like a big chunk of my life has been wasted on him.

My two best friends and basically the only friends I have have been really good and supportive. But they both have kids, one has two kids and is married, the other has one kid but is single but doesn't seem to have that panic of finding someone as she has her child and doesn't want anymore so she hasn't the pressure of having to find someone to have children, she also just seems very content being single.

I went over to my single friends house last night for some drinks, we ended up staying up until about 4 in the morning (we started drinking late as she was working).

Both my friends know I am particularly vulnerable when I'm hungover and more likely to contact my ex. Around 2 pm today I phoned my married friend and asked her to pick me up as due to my hangover and anxiety I couldn't bear to be alone. She said she would pick me up but she was taking her kids to the park so I'd have to join them. I said it didn't matter.

My single friend who I'd been up half the night with just wouldn't answer my calls at all. When she finally got in touch she said she had been sleeping but was avoiding the question when I repeatedly asked her where she was. I honestly can't bear to be alone with a hangover since the break up and I have just felt totally alone and unsupported today.

My single friend generally likes to be alone, and with a hangover she likes to just watch films and chill out but surely if a friend is in need you would make an exception. I have been crawling out my skin.

These women I would bend over backwards for and inconvienice myself if they needed me but today just proved they don't feel the same way about me.

I know they have families, but the single ones daughter wasn't with her today. AIBU To be angry and feel unsupported? I just feel like cutting them off to be honest.

If a hangover affects you this badly, be a responsible adult and stop drinking

If you are struggling this much with a breakup be a responsible adult and get therapy

Stop using your friends as a taxi service/therapist/hangover support

You sound insufferable!

You spent all night with your friend drinking so she kept you company but then you’re getting pissy when she was sleeping in the day?!

And you called your married friend who has 2 kids up to keep you company because you have a hangover? Wtf.

Children come first!! Get some respect.

Hats off to them, I couldn't cope with you.

Op just to echo what others have said…
alcohol is bad for your mental health and you need to avoid

In the nicest way you are being Impressively A grade bonkers. It’s the madness of grief.

It was v good of your married friend to agree to an impromptu pick up at all, given she was knee deep in kids. What do you expect her to do with the kids?

Your single friend didn’t pick up the phone because she was hungover. Why on earth were you interrogating her on where she was? It’s none of your business and it doesn’t matter.

If you know you can’t cope with a hangover don’t get drunk, or get a phone cage so you can lock it away.

Your friends are there to support you, and judging by your invite to the park and the fact the other one didn’t tell you to fuck off when you were acting like the Spanish Inquisition, it sounds like they do support you.

They are not there to look after you as if you had a terminal illness.

So ring them both up and apologise for acting like a dick. And start to think about what you can do over the next 6 months to move out of your understandable funk.

I was literally asking to sleep in their spare rooms. They wouldn't have even known I was there, it just comforts me to not be alone.

That's a massive imposition.

clearly a reverse, no one could be this self absorbed

Quit drinking. Focus on your health and well-being. Find fitness activities you can do that fit your budget and time. Your friends have the obligations of their kids. They are your friends but see if you can meet new people. Keep off alcohol and you’ll already feel much better.

But if they had other plans, eg to not be at home. Being in their house would've been difficult
If the friend with her kids had let you stay at hers not to be alone, would she then have been forced to cancel the weekend activities with Her children?
how is that fair?

They have their own lives.

don’t bloody drink if you get into a state when you do.

If you want them to continue being your friends, then you really, really need to stop behaving like this or they'll be running for the hills soon.

But they have children and partners. They can't put their lives on hold because you've got drunk which increases your anxiety. You are 30 years old. It's time to take responsibility for yourself and start making changes to manage your demons. You can't question where someone is like that. Especially when they've already been up with you till 4 am

This! Up till 4am after a day at work and then you wanted more attention next day? Just block him and delete from your phone and turn it off!!

Of course they would know you were there and they would feel responsible for you emotionally and practically. This has to stop. You are a grown woman and don't need babysitting

WTF. Are you kidding. No one can be this self absorbed.

How much Drama is in your post!!!! Good god woman, go to bed and sleep it off then in the morning when you read this post and feel a bit embarrassed, delete your ex’s number.Then get a grip and apologise to your friends, especially about saying you will give the park a miss, l would be pissed of with you if you were my friend.

Their priorities are different. You don't have the responsibility of children to look after whereas their needs absolutely come first before a hungover friend. Harsh but the reality.

Well they would wouldn't they, what about meals, going to loo, kids thundering about?

And if it comforts them when they are stressed to not have to have company in their house?

You are incredibly self absorbed and making selfish life choices. You seem however to have two very lovely friends who are bending over backwards for you as it is. So I presume at some point you were a better friend than you currently are.

Stop drinking, get therapy and stop expecting your friends lives to revolve around your alcohol habits.

How would someone not notice they had someone staying in their spare room?

Perhaps it us time to take responsibility for your actions.

If my husband told me his mate would be sleeping in our spare room for the day, because he can't cope with his hangover I'd think he'd seriously lost the plot!

You sound like hard work and need to control your drinking if you become unreasonable with a hangover.

You are getting a hard time here op. It's really hard when you've just had a bad break up and it feels like your world has come to an end. You feel like everyone else's should too. But it doesn't. Your friends have kids and unfortunately their needs will always trump yours. That doesn't make them bad friends. It's also an age thing. When I was in my teens and late twenties my friends would have moved heaven and earth to help me in a bad patch and I with them. But as you grow and your own family, life and responsibilities take over you just don't have the capacity for it.

I do think you are expecting too much from your friends but I don't think you deserve the hard time you're getting because you are clearly struggling and needing support. Unfortunately you probably won't get it here as most people have had an empathy bypass.

🤔 needy