To think my friends don't give a shit about me?

[stelmosfire09]

I'm going through a really bad break up, after a ten year relationship. He basically promised me the world however within the past 6 months he has decided he can't commit and has fucked off travelling. I'm 30 and feel like a big chunk of my life has been wasted on him.

My two best friends and basically the only friends I have have been really good and supportive. But they both have kids, one has two kids and is married, the other has one kid but is single but doesn't seem to have that panic of finding someone as she has her child and doesn't want anymore so she hasn't the pressure of having to find someone to have children, she also just seems very content being single.

I went over to my single friends house last night for some drinks, we ended up staying up until about 4 in the morning (we started drinking late as she was working).

Both my friends know I am particularly vulnerable when I'm hungover and more likely to contact my ex. Around 2 pm today I phoned my married friend and asked her to pick me up as due to my hangover and anxiety I couldn't bear to be alone. She said she would pick me up but she was taking her kids to the park so I'd have to join them. I said it didn't matter.

My single friend who I'd been up half the night with just wouldn't answer my calls at all. When she finally got in touch she said she had been sleeping but was avoiding the question when I repeatedly asked her where she was. I honestly can't bear to be alone with a hangover since the break up and I have just felt totally alone and unsupported today.

My single friend generally likes to be alone, and with a hangover she likes to just watch films and chill out but surely if a friend is in need you would make an exception. I have been crawling out my skin.

These women I would bend over backwards for and inconvienice myself if they needed me but today just proved they don't feel the same way about me.

I know they have families, but the single ones daughter wasn't with her today. AIBU To be angry and feel unsupported? I just feel like cutting them off to be honest.

Yes, especially as op says friends already know what she’s like when she’s drunk too much, which gives the impression there is history there.

Perhaps she needs it? It’s not always easy to see what other people see when you’re on the inside.

Yes, and OP is still being ungrateful. I’m sorry if I was the single mother and you had that attitude I wouldn’t invite you to spend time late at night with me. Can’t believe OP thinks that her friend is being unfair by having a lie in after mothering her all night! And the other lovely friend who invited you to share her time with you when she probably intended to spend the time with her kids only!

They're your friends not your parents. Start behaving a bit more reasonably.

Friend 1 agreed to pick you up and include you in her and so you werent alone. That is a great friend. Why wasn't that good enough?

Friend 2 replied when she could after a late night and dealing with her own hangover and likely whatever she has to get organised for week ahead.

Likely hangover is making you feel sorry for yourself. Hopefully feeling better today.

Get a pet if you don't want to be alone. Other people are not responsible for your hangovers and relationship mishaps.

YABU

you sound like an emotional drain

Yeahhh sorry OP, you are being entitled and not taking responsibility for yourself.

A hangover is a self imposed problem- you decided to do it to yourself, knowing the effect it would have on you. it's not like you were mugged or something. And still you are getting offers of help.... but you are complaining that they are not putting themselves out enough to reduce the effects of your own actions....

I'm imagining this 'staying up til 4am thing' too... I may be wrong, but I suspect that was primarily you talking about your problems, needing comfort? Rather than a mutual fun night.... as a single mother, even if her daughter was away, I suspect nights like that are the last thing your friend wants..... she spends her whole life looking after a child. Then on her night off, she's looking after you.... So my guess is she already exhausted herself and stayed up way later than she wanted, to be a good friend and comfort you.... but then she's not allowed recovery time before doing it all again?

Your initial post claiming people don't understand how hard things are for you is also a red flag for me, suggesting that you yourself struggle with empathy and tend to be self centred.

If this is a genuine post, then you are definitely being unreasonable. Hopefully it's temporary due to your grief, and you can pull out of it and start to feel more empowered soon.

YWBVU to expect your friends with kids to pick you up when she’s doing things with her kids. And YWBVU to harass your other friend about where she was. I can’t believe you’d think of cutting them off for not immediately jumping to see you! Oh dear OP, you need to have a bit of a look at yourself.

Go back to sleep OP. Sleep off the hangover. Things will feel better then

Are you being serious?

I feel drained just reading that. Your friends are clearly there for you but just not in the way you want them to be.

Take some responsibility, stop drinking if it gives you anxiety.

Tbh if I were you I’d seek professional help. None of what you describe is normal behaviour if you’re well.

When you were with your partner were you that self absorbed? Did his life revolve round you? Most people I know didn’t meet husbands/wife’s until late 29s early 30s?you really need to start being a little less self absorbed, but only you and a therapist can solve your issues

I think some of your needs would be better met by a counsellor at the moment rather than friends.

Get a grip, they are not your nannies

Yes YABU. Whilst they know what you’re like with a hangover, so do you so drink less!!! I also can’t believe your mad that one didn’t let down her children to take you home, she tried to accommodate you by saying you’d have to go there too but that wasn’t good enough. To make it clear you absolutely will always come as a lower priority to your friends children in these circumstances. I’ve had friends who have actually needed me, such as one who lost a parent and I dropped everything to be with her and support her. But self-inflicted hangover wouldn’t be one of those.

Your friend with kids was actually being really nice offering to include you.
I think you owe her an apology.

Breakups are the worst but I think you are taking your anger out on people who have actually been kind to you.

You sounds like you’re really hard work. You’re not your friends’ priority. Look after yourself like nearly all other grown ups

Exactly this

Get a grip and think about other people

Yeah, pretty much what everyone else has said.

I get that ending a long term relationship is difficult but it isn’t everyone else’s problem to deal with.

Sober up, send your friends an apology message, and agree not to drink for the foreseeable. Keep yourself busy with work or start a new hobby if you need to keep your mind off it.

You really need to read your own post back.

I'm sorry you feel so alone but they have already bent over backwards to help you in the immediate aftermath.

Stop drinking to the point you feel like that.

You have two best friends more than many. Buy two lovely cards and write them a thank you for taking time out to be supportive. Do not push them away.

Then be kind to yourself and nurse your wounded feelings. It's natural to feel shit.

I would not be your friend.
You sound self centred and hard work

Don’t think the OP will be back. She’s been torn a new one on here and rightly so.

Maybe her attitude is the reason for her relationship breakdown. Very needy indeed.

Sorry about your break up OP. Bloody hate men who string you alone.

Time to concentrate on yourself, take up new hobbies, make new friends. You could go travelling.

I am afraid YABU in this instance. Your mates are there for you but not at your beck and call, their DC usurp you. If you know you have unbearable hangovers, don't drink or have 1 or 2 glasses of wine/ G&T, then drink water

*string you along