To think my friends don't give a shit about me?

[stelmosfire09]

I'm going through a really bad break up, after a ten year relationship. He basically promised me the world however within the past 6 months he has decided he can't commit and has fucked off travelling. I'm 30 and feel like a big chunk of my life has been wasted on him.

My two best friends and basically the only friends I have have been really good and supportive. But they both have kids, one has two kids and is married, the other has one kid but is single but doesn't seem to have that panic of finding someone as she has her child and doesn't want anymore so she hasn't the pressure of having to find someone to have children, she also just seems very content being single.

I went over to my single friends house last night for some drinks, we ended up staying up until about 4 in the morning (we started drinking late as she was working).

Both my friends know I am particularly vulnerable when I'm hungover and more likely to contact my ex. Around 2 pm today I phoned my married friend and asked her to pick me up as due to my hangover and anxiety I couldn't bear to be alone. She said she would pick me up but she was taking her kids to the park so I'd have to join them. I said it didn't matter.

My single friend who I'd been up half the night with just wouldn't answer my calls at all. When she finally got in touch she said she had been sleeping but was avoiding the question when I repeatedly asked her where she was. I honestly can't bear to be alone with a hangover since the break up and I have just felt totally alone and unsupported today.

My single friend generally likes to be alone, and with a hangover she likes to just watch films and chill out but surely if a friend is in need you would make an exception. I have been crawling out my skin.

These women I would bend over backwards for and inconvienice myself if they needed me but today just proved they don't feel the same way about me.

I know they have families, but the single ones daughter wasn't with her today. AIBU To be angry and feel unsupported? I just feel like cutting them off to be honest.

Stop drinking if hangover is giving you anxiety

The aren't bad friends. You sound like an exhausting friend to have to be honest. You are hungover. You aren't dying. Your hangover, your problem

Serious question...why do people have to be so vile? Yes the op probably is being a bit unreasonable but she's also very clearly struggling. Would you speak this way to someone in real life who admitted they were feeling anxious and heartbroken? Even if they were being a bit of an arse? Honestly some of you ought to be really ashamed.

Its far worse to let her carry on self destructing and lose everyone around her without realising why... blowing smoke up someones as has never one in history ever helped someone but it has been many a downfall.

@mam0918 agree but surely there are kinder ways to do that? Let's not pretend some of the posters here are trying to help the op, they are getting enjoyment from sticking the boot in and being utterly callous to someone who is vulnerable. It's quite sickening to see.

I don't mean to be mean, but your hangover isn't their responsibility. What did you expect your married friend to say to her kids?

'sorry guys, my pal's hungover - take yourselves to the park while I go to hers and sit'

Maybe don't get so trashed if you know you can't handle it.

So you kept your poor friend up until 4am, no doubt (and understandingly) banging on about your break up and expect her to be at your beck and call today. Have you not thought that she will need a sleep so that she is fresh for her child coming home? As for your other friend why did you refuse to go to the park with her and her kids? The fresh air and chance to do something to take your mind of yourself will probably have done you good.

YABU
You sound like a drama Queen.

Life isn't all about you.

Your friends sound bored of you and your dramas.

Time to reflect and move forward.

I read people being blunt and it is in AIBU. OP was a lot of an arse and needed telling regardless of is she is struggling.

YABU but so are a lot of the posters here for the way they're talking to you. I know it's been said 100 times but people on MN can be so OTT and mean and judgmental.

I don’t think people understand how discussion forums work.

Mumsnet isn’t a ‘hive mind’.

Someone comes on and posts something, and then it goes out to 100s of 1000s of viewers.

Sometimes people are so in agreement, that it appears like a pile on. But it’s just a load of diverse people from all over the globe thinking more or less the same thing about someone who inevitably lacks an HUGE amount of self-awareness.

To be honest - I don’t understand why anyone comes on here to seek opinions. Just …. why?

Why does it matter what a load of randoms think?

When almost all of them disagree with you - as in this thread - does it make you feel better??

Does it fuck.

So, just, why..? Why ask? Why seek opinions? Why get people to tell you what a fuckwit you are?

I don’t get it.

I come on to MN to be entertained by other people’s dilemmas
.
More fool all the poor suckers - like the OP - who are willing to offer up their shit for other people’s entertainment.

They could just … not.

@Ahsoka2001 here's the issue: 1) people come and post on Mumsnet AIBU in full knowledge (you'd really hope nobody posts without reading a few first!) that answers will be direct. 2) This isn't in fact communication, with someone you know - if OP was my friend and talked to me about this irl, I would not be so blunt but would give the same message in a kinder way. That would be because 1) I would know her and 2) in person you have the benefit of all sorts of other forms of communication to get your point across, not just words. Here, it's a faceless, bodiless forum and words are it.

As someone else points out above, why does it matter what loads of randoms think anyway? The only real reason many post an AIBU here is because they think they will be vindicated and people will agree with them.

If you're looking for softer, kinder communication when someone is clearly being entitled and unreasonable, speak to someone irl. Don't come to an impersonal forum, known for its straight talk.

Having read more of these messages, im not sure how helpful asking the question on here is for your emotional health or wellbeing. These messages could be causing you even more anxiety. I think maybe put the devices down, speak with your GP for professional support. I dont think we can help.

I assume she’s asking because she’s feeling isolated and wants a stranger’s POV. The perfect place if you can see above the nonsense.

Complete agreement with the vast majority here - OP is astonishingly self involved and worryingly blinkered, OP if you're reading this YABVVVVVFU - apologise to your friends this instant!

However, part of me does hope that OP has long bailed, if she wasnt feeling anxiety ridden before she certainly will be now!! Blimey some of these posts were bordering on unecesssarily harsh, you can give feedback without being bitches guys!

Stop drinking and act your age.

Who do people come on forums to ask advice. Well …….
-They want advice and have no one to speak to in real life
-They are ashamed to say something irl but would like advice nonetheless
-They are perplexed by reactions irl and would like to understand if it is them or their family/friends/colleagues who are out of kilter.

Its sad that you come here to laugh at or be entertained by others real life problems. That sounds quite cruel, perhaps you would get a lot more out of somewhere like tattle life

Thanks for that explanation, but I know why people ostensibly come on for advice.

The problem is, in pretty much all of those examples, they don’t get ‘advice’, do they?

They get an absolute hammering.

I don’t post for ‘advice’ mainly because I don’t need it - I can figure stuff out for myself. But - even if I couldn’t, this is the last place I’d come.

Because I value my mental health and wellbeing, and don’t relish the idea of having my arse handed to me on a plate.

I’m just being brutally honest. I didn’t say I come on here to ‘laugh’ at people…? I only come on MN to pass the time of day. To read other people’s threads. I’d never in a million years start one of my own, because what’s happened to the OP is awful. Inevitable (because of her remarkable lack of self-awareness), but awful.

I’m not the only one. I name-change all the time to ensure anonymity, but there are loads of regulars on here who never start threads. They also clearly only come on here to participate in other people’s threads.

In fact, if you care even slightly about your own sanity and wellbeing, I urge everyone to do the same. Don’t start threads on here asking for advice. It’s not worth it. Just use it as something to pass the time of day, and you’ll be a lot better off for it.

I agree with you to a large extent NurseBernard BUT, and it's an important BUT, not everyone has someone IRL to talk to, or something is buzzing around their mind, they need to get it out and want some sort of 'reality check'.

There are some amazing posts on MN, especially in the relationships section, where women describe a coercively controlling situation that they're in, say 'is this normal?' and it's very clearly pointed out to them that it isn't.

The 'piles on' are often just that. If someone the other side of the globe has written what you were thinking, posting the same thing or upping the ante and going straight to 'you're a drama lama' or 'how old are you?' doesn't seem entirely motivated by wanting to help the OP. There is an unpleasant element of enjoying putting the boot in quite often.

But yes individuals make choice about how and what they post.

If you're still here OP, I hope that your hangover anxiety has passed. I'm sorry to here about your bad break up but you will get through it, step by step.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time OP. It's shit, no matter what your age.

It's understandable that you don't want to be alone but you're expecting your friends to fill your time at every waking moment so that you have a distraction from your emotions.

Nothing in your post mentions what you can do to help yourself. Even when life seems impossible, there are things you can do without needing to rely so heavily on your friends.

Block the ex and delete all his social media. Then get out and do something so you're not wallowing. On your own. Go for a walk, a swim, the cinema... anything to get you out the house.

Friends are there to support you, not fix you. That you have to do alone.