Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

322 replies

tmpbk · 16/11/2022 13:13

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

OP posts:
HeresTheTea · 16/11/2022 13:16

How old is SS

Y7drama · 16/11/2022 13:18

I dont think I would.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/11/2022 13:19

This is difficult, what has his Dad said?

bellac11 · 16/11/2022 13:20

Do you have PR for him under any orders?

NuffSaidSam · 16/11/2022 13:20

I don't think it's your place to lie to school in order to take someone else's child home.

It's between his mum and dad to sort out. Or for him to tell them what's happening at school.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/11/2022 13:20

Sorry I read everything but your last sentence for some reason!

AppleKatie · 16/11/2022 13:21

It has to be his dads call I think.

I would strongly advise him to tell 1 member of staff he trusts the truth in private this lunchtime though.

and I would keep ringing his dad for him.

rainbowstardrops · 16/11/2022 13:24

It's definitely up to his dad and mum to agree on this, not you.
If he's feeling that unwell then he'll just have to speak to a member of staff.

Hoppinggreen · 16/11/2022 13:26

No you cant
You are not his parent, this is for them to sort out

DontEatAnythingWithoutAFace · 16/11/2022 13:28

No tell him to see the nurse again, he may be fit to stay to the end of the day, the nurse is in a much better unbiased position to say

luxxlisbon · 16/11/2022 13:29

and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

Considering she said this it sounds like this isn’t a one off and he regularly gives excuses as to why he can’t be in school for a certain class.
I don’t think I would get in the middle of this. I get you probably feel bad but at the end of the day he isn’t a small child and this is his mother. Unless you think she has a history of being neglectful I would be taking her views seriously.

username8888 · 16/11/2022 13:32

Phone the school and explain he has diarrhoea but is too embarrassed to say. They can then advise you to take him home.

Liorae · 16/11/2022 13:33

Does he have a history of school dodging that would explain his contacting you? In any case, no, not your place to interfere, he has two parents to deal with this.

tmpbk · 16/11/2022 13:41

No, I don't have PR but I am on the list as an emergency contact. He's just turned 15. DH still hasn't answered his phone but he is working so I don't think he will until later. He stays here alternate weeks and we know he doesn't like Wednesdays but he's never lied about being unwell to get out of school or messaged me whilst he's there.

OP posts:
Dontbelieveawordofit · 16/11/2022 13:41

Firstly, a teacher refusing a child a toilet break is a safeguarding issue.
If your SS is a teenager, I think he is old enough to be able to tell teacher/nurse about a bout of diarrhoea. It's not like they're going to reveal it to his classmates. If he was in danger of having an accident, I'm sure he'd tell someone.
No, don't go against mum's wishes. I think she knows him best and interfering and defiantly going to pick him up and lying to school as well will just cause resentment and tension within the family.

gamerchick · 16/11/2022 13:44

Stay out of it OP. It's not your call.

Needmorelego · 16/11/2022 13:46

He is unwell. Go and get him. Poor kid.

pinheadlarry · 16/11/2022 13:48

His mum already told you no so why are you undermining her authority?
Maybe thats why hes contacting you because he knows you will do what he wants ..
Tell him you cant pick him up early today and if he is sick he needs to go to medical and sit in there

spiderlight · 16/11/2022 13:48

username8888 · 16/11/2022 13:32

Phone the school and explain he has diarrhoea but is too embarrassed to say. They can then advise you to take him home.

This is what I'd do. All else aside, I would not be able to leave a teenager in school at risk of shitting themselves, which would be utterly mortifying - he'd never live it down.

butterfliedtwo · 16/11/2022 13:49

gamerchick · 16/11/2022 13:44

Stay out of it OP. It's not your call.

This. It's up to his parents.

If someone picked up your child, after you'd said no, would you be OK with that?

mickandrorty · 16/11/2022 13:51

username8888 · 16/11/2022 13:32

Phone the school and explain he has diarrhoea but is too embarrassed to say. They can then advise you to take him home.

yes, please do this!
Poor kid why is his mother being so mean about it?

gourmetperle · 16/11/2022 13:52

Can you phone his dad at work? Really tricky one. As a PP said it would be an absolute disaster for a secondary kid rlto shit themself. I would tell him to go to the toilet even if the teacher says no and that you will take responsibility for the consequences

user95638291058391010184848592010101 · 16/11/2022 13:54

@butterfliedtwo I would be fine with it if they had the shits.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 16/11/2022 13:55

He's not your kid. You don't have parental rights. You also don't know he's not faking it. There's not much longer left of the school day. Its not for you to go against his mum.

Cw112 · 16/11/2022 13:57

I'd take more steps to try and reach dad first if you can because then if he makes a call as the other parent then that's between him and his ex and leaves you out of it. I personally wouldn't be undermining his mum especially since she's seen him today and been dealing with him so might have a different perspective than what you're only getting by text message. Can you message ss and say that his mum has said he can come home provided he speaks to the school nurse about how he is feeling so they can release him. Then you're backing up mum and giving him a way out. At that age I'd say most young people would be reasonably quick to say in the school office or to a teacher if they're feeling sick. He doesn't need to specify the details and it's odd to me he thinks that they wouldn't believe him unless they see it. Most young people of that age would be able to make it to the toilet so why would they expect to see it.