To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

Oh this is really hard OP. I think I would keep persevering with SS and tell him I’m here and available to collect him but he needs to tell someone at school so they can ring you to collect him. I might slightly bend the truth and tell him that as you aren’t his mum you wouldn’t be able to just collect him unless school deem him unwell and need picking up. Keep reiterating that you fully agree he needs to come home which is why he needs to tell the office/appropriate school staff member how unwell he is.

Try read the thread properly before replying. It's so frustrating when people think they're opinion is so important that everybody has to hear it straightaway that they can't be bothered to read the posts.
And if not outright lying, thrn OP is being deceitful by going behind mum's wishes.
This kid is playing her and he's going to continue to do so and won't care about the friction and upset iit will no doubt cause.
OP will no doubt come back and tell us how SS is sooooo ill and was telling truth all along how wrong school and mum were just to save face. she's never going to admit it if SS was exaggerating or downright lying.

Are school nurses still a thing? My kids secondary didn’t have one (UK)

So if you had a call from your own DC but didn't believe them to be ill and refused to collect them and then they called an emergency contact who just went and picked them up you'd be fine with that?
OK...interesting!

You don't overrule a parent. I would be furious if I was the mum

Honestly if he shit himself in school the kids will never forget it my friend is still refered to as "shitty tits" it's been way over thirty years since she had an accident at school others call her pissy pants thanks to a cold floor and a thoughtless teacher in high school

It's too late now but if I was his mum I wouod have let you collect him

My spidey senses tells me - there’s one heck of a backstory to this and perhaps the OP is rather enjoying fact he has sidelined his mother

Or maybe you just want to assume the worst of the OP because she is a stepparent?

At this point I'd say she's showing more care and concern for her SS's welfare than his mum has. Stepparents really can't win on this site.

I doubt very much you’d be happy with someone who you’d already told you felt your DC was fine and just didn’t like Wednesdays overruling you and collecting your child.

Thats massively undermining his mother.

I think it’s great that your SS feels comfortable enough to contact you and cannot understand why a mother would refuse to pick up their child if they are unwell.
If I was the teacher I would want the child picked up incase it was a nasty virus .

What’s the chances his own mother knows him better than the op!

Agree @bringincrazyback

The school are skeptical
his own mother is skeptical

safe to say - I’m going to put more weight again their interpretation than the Op

100%

Stay out of it OP.
Hazarding a guess that you have no experience of 15 yr old teen boys.

Replace SM with

MIL

can you imagine the responses 😂

I agree. The mum and school both are saying the same. I think the mother knows her child better than the OP knows him. The school have seen him all day.

And the OP thinks this will make her ss think she is Super Stepmom, when in fact he will be sniggering at her gullibility.

Thread started at 13.13pm

2 hours left of school and the op creating this drama with the mother and school. Speaks volumes really.

*I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it
*
Telling him to lie is not going to end well for you for a start, and you are really going to put the cat among the pigeons if you go get him without parental permission. He's swinging the lead and his mother knows he is.

It's quite the yarn he's spinning, 'forced to make his own dinner', giving himself 'food poisoning' on his least favourite day of the week, his unfeeling DM ignoring him, his meanie teacher. Just how long ago were you in school that you think they require physical proof of puke to be excused? 😂

C'mon now.

No, leave this to his parents to manage. You have no say here. Anyone can be listed as any emergency contact.

The school didn't say he was fine.

They called back and I picked him up, he doesn't finish until 3:50 so he still had just over an hour. He is unwell and has gone to bed. He did have an accident in the car and he was mortified so I'm glad I didn't just not do anything as I can't imagine how he would feel if it had happened in school and I don't care what his mum thinks about me picking him up and I doubt DH would end the relationship over me calling the school as he didn't want to tell them what was wrong and them then sending him home after speaking to his unwell child to the poster who said that.

I wouldn't even send my child with an upset stomach to school in the morning but if I thought they were fine and sent them, and someone else picked them up when they were clearly unwell, maybe I would if they were just pretending and I could understand his mum being annoyed then but he isn't.

I've been in his life for over 10 years and me and him are close.

But let me guess

you and his mother most definitely are not close

Well done for being a step parent who your SS feels comfortable enough to contact in these sorts of situations.

To anyone saying 'leave it to his parents' I presume you are not a step parent yourselves?

OP has SS living with her 50% of his life, how is she really meant to have a proper 'blended' family life if she can't help in these situations?

You did that right thing. His mother and the school were being cruel by not believing and refusing to pick him up / let him go home. Having an accident in the car is 100x better than having one at school so thank god you picked him up.

Ffks step parents really can't win on here can they.
She loves him.and a child in her family has the shits. He's called her for help.yup he could be a bullshitter.but to ignore would be cruel.
This is a blended family.i don't always get this leave it to the parents stuff on here.shes been In his life enough to be a parent even if step,someone who can be there for him.make decisions of he needs her.
Which it turned out he did.
Well done op.thankyou for being a great parent.

She's on the emergency contact list.... He's 15 not 5.