To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

You called that one accurately.

I dont believe he had an accident in the car, that is embellishment too far OP. He managed to go all day in school despite not being allowed to use the loo without having an accident and despite being picked up early by you and having the opportunity to use the loos on the way out he has an accident in the car

I think a previous post got it right, you were going to come back and update that he was really really ill and his mum was wrong.

He has been to the toilet at school, several times. He was told by the teacher he couldn't go again after lunch.

And couldn't go on the way out when he was leaving with you. Of course...

this isn't your issue, as much as you're doing it for a good place, you'll cause unnecessary drama upon yourself. speak to your DH and get him to sort it out, if he gives you permission to pick up DSS, do so, if not, let them handle it. you're doing great!

Good grief, the replies on here towards a stepmum basically putting the child first are awful.

I have been a stepmum for 8 years and I would have done exactly the same in the OPs position. The child's well-being is more important than parents wishes, children should come first.

I can't believe that the OP has basically been accused of lying about the situation and wanting to undermine the mother. Perhaps she was just worried about her stepson and out of sheer compassion, could not simply just leave him to suffer.

I would have no issue with a stepparent picking up my children if unwell. My husband also would have no issue with his sons stepfather picking him up from school if unwell. It's not about the parents.

Good job. Poor kid. There seems to be lots of bugs going round. Had a stomach bug at the weekend and it's not fun

Thanks for the explosive update!

Would you tell us if he bounded out of school, got home, ate a crisp sandwich and joined an XBox party though? 😂

I know you say you don’t care what his mum thinks but probably best sending her a (non accusatory) message to explain you picked him up due to him taking a turn for the worse, and will update on how he is later?
She might feel you undermined her otherwise and didn’t keep her in the loop x

I think the part you’re missing is that it’s school policy that pupils aren’t allowed to message parents to pick them up (or at all by the sounds of it?). It has to be the school who authorise this. So the mum was backing up school policy in telling him to speak to the school. You’ve rung them and told them he messaged you, that would get him a detention at our school! You can’t just go and pick kids up from school because they ask, and you can’t lie about appointments. Even less so as you don’t have parental responsibility. The issue isn’t that you picked him up when requested by school

You don’t need “parental rights” or to be on the emergency contact list to pick a 15yo up from school. I’ve picked my stepson up a couple of times when he’s been ill or injured and both his parents have been in work and I’m not on any sort of list.

A 5yo yes but not a 15yo who has full capacity.

As a step mum myself I would absolutely not have undermined his own mum it’s her call to make not yours , As a mum I would be furious if you had undermined me and done this and I absolutley would be telling the school not to converse with you in future and remove you from the list I’d be telling the school you removed my child without parents consent and I’d be deeply unhappy with you. I think you’ve totally over stepped the mark regardless of how long you’ve been in his life

err, I am a stepmother too, I absolutely would never have done this.

Yes, I would've still updated if he was fine. In the end it wasn't my decision to bring him home, I called the school and told them what SS had told me as suggested on this thread and someone spoke to him and decided it would be best for him to go home. If they didn't call back or called back and told me actually they thought he was lying I wouldn't have done anything else.

@bellac11 and no, I'm not making up the fact he had an accident. If you'd actually read my post you would've seen I said he told me he'd been to the toilet multiple times and the teacher had told him after lunch she wasn't allowing him to go again, which I understand as I said as as far as she knew he kept asking to go to the toilet to get out of class and it probably did get disruptive with SS keep leaving and returning to the classroom. He also clearly didn't need to go when I got there to pick him up otherwise he would've gone but we were in traffic etc and school is usually a 20 minute drive anyway.

Still not heard from his father?

OP - you have a shit relationship with his mother, yes?

and now you have intentionally fanned the flames

Wow I bet you are in the 'SS Mum is a pain' camp when her very normal reaction to being undermined by you isn't welcomed with open arms.
I don't believe he shit himself in the car either. I would have stayed out of it, he's not your kid and your very close relationship is irrelevant, aunties and friends of the family can say that about a kid and they wouldn't have the right to remove a child that isn't there's from school either. You overstepped.

Telling that SM to him for 10 years

and not on emergency contact list

He had an “accident” in the car?

Are you saying he sh*t himself?

I imagine his mother is very pissed off OP

and I imagine that enormously pleases you

Why didn't the school call his actual Mother? It's her week yes? If your partner has him alternate weeks and he was there cooking his dinner yesterday?
It sounds like his Mother is assisting him with growing up and being independent making food and approaching his own teachers, I think she is right at his age.

I would absolutely hit the roof if I was his mum and you did this. You have NO right. None. You’ve overstepped the mark massively.

right at the start of the OP it says he is due to go to them tonight. 🙄

Who's contact day was it today?

His mother EXPLICITLY said he can stay in school

I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

The OP thought fuck that, I’m going to create some drama here

Did you bother reading the updates? About how he had an accident in her car because he was poorly? She was in the right collecting the unwell teen, his mum was wrong.

I think you did the right thing op, you have centred the child which is all that matters.

Mumsnet hates stepmums though, hence all the hate.

I'd have done the same thing in your situation.