To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

so we have told him he's welcome to come here for dinner if his mum tells him to cook his own dinner again as she's out

you and your dh really seem quite determined to undermine his mother.
Very reasonable for a 15 year old to cook his own dinner. Actually, scrap that - it’s a positive.

At 15 it is perfectly reasonable to be putting together toasties, snacks and a pizza on, but if he is being asked to regularly cook his own dinner it is not IMO and the OP is well within her rights as a caring adult in his life to offer an alternative.

How regularly is he told to sort himself our dinner is key I think.

Well clearly it’s very irregularly, if not this being the first ever time, given how inexperienced he was

And his mother has made him a curry for him to reheat

Or at least someone had!

Ah apologies - your ds doesn’t live with you

My 9 year old can make his own dinner, you might be better off teaching him about cooking and food hygiene

Kids will say and do anything to skip school and while that may not have been the case here, his mum may of had good reason to believe it was all an elaborate story. I know I’ve done it as a teenager and so did half the kids at school when they had lessons or teachers they couldn’t stand. If it is a regular thing on a Wednesday then his mam is probably fed up

Imagine at 15 creating such a fracas over not managing to heat his curry properly. Where has he got this histrionic attitude from?

Awful, he needs to learn to cook food at 15. Parenting is about letting go and teaching autonomy at the right age. 15 is certainly that age.

Again, none of mumsnet or anyone other than his parents now need to be involved in these err, competative family dynamics.

Imagine being so insecure and determined to undermine a stepparent that she’s being insulted for offering the teenage boy a nurturing family meal rather than him reheating a curry and eating alone?!

Every thread on here about teenagers goes on about connection building, family time; etc.

Except when it’s a SM of course. 🙄

Seriously? You think it's normal for a 15 year old to be incapable of making his own dinner?

This 15 year old

couldn’t convey to the school that he had to go home because had the shits or some other excuse he could have made up. He involved his mum, his SM and pissed off his teacher.

couldn’t heat up a curry because “there was no instructions”

has been told by him SM that if he’s told by his mum to make dinner again, he should just come to them

the boy sounds like he needs a bit of a kick up the bum!

@Gumreduction I wouldn't kick him up the bum at the moment, you might get more than you bargained for!

I think you did the right thing. I see so many comments questioning you and mad at you for "undermining" his mom, but you didn't--you, an emergency contact, called the school on your stepson's day at YOUR house, explained the situation, and asked what they wanted to do. They wanted him to go home, so you picked him up. As a mom, I would be thankful that my child has a stepparent who cares about my kid so much and feel reassured that my kid is taken care of while I'm not around to do so. I think you did the right thing, OP

Why is it such a bad thing that they offered a home cooked meal to him when he's left to fend for himself? It doesn't matter his age, if he has a parent available to cook him a healthy meal instead of having to reheat something, he absolutely should be able to. My parents are divorced and my whole life, my mom never was home to make breakfast or dinner and I packed myself simple lunches. When my dad found out about this, he would drop me off a breakfast and a dinner or leftovers for the day before I left for school. I know how to cook, but it's not about that, it's about wanting to make sure your kid is eating healthy and regularly

Those say you don't have parental rights are stupid. Emergency contact is there for a reason. If parents don't answer then the next in line which would be his stepmom. She has just much rights to take him out. They wouldn't let him go to the toilet so he shit in the car. Doubt he did that on purpose. Hope she did take him to his doctor to figure out what happened. She sounds like a better parent .

@tmpbk, the mother sounds horrible! Is she usually that disagreeable? She doesn't trust her son! Imagine being sick and having your mom not believe you and you're really suffering! It's great you were there for him! I can imagine him wanting to change his living arrangements. I know I would if I were in his shoes. He went to the bathroom on himself and that had to be embarrassing. His mother didn't care enough to MAKE SURE he wasn't actually sick! That's sickening to me! As a mother, your kid comes first! Your husband should talk to her about this since he CLEARLY wasn't faking! She needs to learn to listen!

Made it to an American news site
www.newsweek.com/spouse-defying-stepson-mom-collect-school-mumsnet-1761293

I have read at least 75% of the comments and it have to say, I do NOT get the hate. It is hard enough being a mom, but hating on another mom for being concerned about her child being sick at school? That blows my mind.
I know she's "just" a step mom. I don't get along with my daughter's SM at all, but I have ALWAYS acknowledged how thankful I am that she loves my DD unconditionally.

After 10 years, i wouldn't expect a step-parent to take on parenting responsibilities without the autonomy to use their best, loving judgement to make parenting decisions.

It's unreasonable, selfish, and unfair... PARTICULARLY when you're lucky enough to have a partner who is MORE sympathetic to your child than you might be.

Everyone should be so lucky as to have a co-parent for whom lack of shared biology has clearly not inhibited love, trust, or concern.

Having to convince your spouse to toughen-up when dealing with children can be frustrating, no matter who does or doesn't share genetics. That said; it's FAR better than the alternative.

also I would like to point out that the poor kid Sht his pants on the way home, and the step-parent clearly made the decision that spared him the kind of embarrassment that can only be resolved by changing schools.

Well I’m sorry but I find the format difficult to keep up with people are posting extra information at the same time as you are writing. I didn’t see the update. If it worked out that way then fine. Crikey some people get so aggressive on here.

For goodness' sake pick the boy up from school. He has diarrhea. If he didn't make it to the bathroom then honestly, he would probably have to change schools. I would pick up my worst enemy from work/school if they had diarrhea. Wouldn't even ask the biological parents permission. If you find out later the boy was lying, then don't do it again. A stepparent normally shouldn't override the parent's authority, but I would regard this as an emergency. Also a stepparent needs to step in if something is wrong. They can't just sit back and say not my responsibility.

@ServalanFan you're a bit late. This all happened a week ago. Plus you posted at 3 am.....he wouldn't be at school at 3 am 🤣