To go and pick SS up from school when his mum has said no?

[tmpbk]

More of a wwyd

Teen SS is due here tonight, he's been messaging me and has told me his mum told him to cook his own dinner last night so he did but started to feel unwell, he had the runs 2 or 3 times and told his mum but she sent him to school as it's probably food poisoning not a contagious bug (food poisoning is still just as bad though!) he asked me to pick him up as he feels unwell, he said he's told the school he feels sick but they told him to see how he feels later but because he hasn't been sick they won't send him home, he said he's been to the toilet a few more times but his last teacher had gotten annoyed at him keep asking to go which I can see from her point of view she probably thinks he's trying to skip the lesson. He has her again after lunch and she's told him she won't allow him to go during that lesson.

He won't tell them he has an upset stomach as it's embarrassing (it obviously isn't but he's a teen), I've told him to lie and tell them he's been sick but he said they won't believe him if they haven't seen it but he's begging me to pick him up as he just wants to go to bed. I've asked his mum what she suggests and she hasn't been helpful as she's said he can stay in school if he isn't going to tell them what's wrong with him and she's suggested he's probably lying as she knows he doesn't like Wednesdays at school.

I've not seen him today but I over the messages I do think he is telling the truth as he never messages me whilst at school (and he isn't supposed to be). I haven't spoken to DH as he hasn't answered his phone.

I'm thinking of going and telling them he has a doctors appointment but I know his mum won't be happy but if he is telling the truth I'll feel a bit mean later if I make him stay.

I think it would be best to have a good sit-down talk with your SS, hear what was real and what was an excuse to get out of school. And then maybe have a talk about the subject with everybody involved, your DH, your SS ánd his mother. Because I think this is the kind of situation that will repeat itself, so better talk it out in advance.

I think the accident he had in the car and his ongoing illness are definitely real! His mum should not have sent him to school in the first place poor kid!

@Sellorkeep thanks for calling me, I clearly had a bad day and you are right, I think my sympathy tank was empty when I commented.

She didn't go over their head, the school made the decision and he was staying at dad's that evening. Kids needs always come first.

Anyone who sends a child to school with the shits is not only being cruel to the child, but being completely irresponsible too. How did his mother know for sure it wasn’t a bug? Also, food poisoning is a horrendous thing to experience so even if it was that, she was very unfeeling. For me, the issue was that he shouldn’t have been sent to school in the first place but hey, she was his real mum so she was in the right. That was sarcasm by the way.

Not unless there’s been a legal reason that OP is registered as next of kin. She’s not mother school can’t discharge child to just anyone

Ive been in your position twice two different fathers. The child will know he has more chance of calling on your goodwill than parents. He knows you want him to like you and see you as a close person. But its his parents first say always unless something unusual happening. Ie abuse. Tell him you aren’t in a position to authorise his leaving school. If it’s genuine it will become clear and anyway he needs to learn how to seek advice for private personal issues. It’s only a day.

It’s only a day.

It's actually been 2 whole days (48 hours) since OP first posted. Your advice is superfluous!

It was 2 days ago and the OP posted full updates of what happened.

❤️I hope you are having a better day today.

@sue20 You should RTFT before commenting. The boy was quite ill, his mother was neglectful and OP did THE RIGHT THING collecting him.

Quite.

Absolute shit storm if the mum sees this, also give the poor kids some privacy ffs.

"Firstly, a teacher refusing a child a toilet break is a safeguarding issue".

It is most certainly is not. If a child has specific toileting needs, a toilet pass can be issued.

"DH still hasn't answered his phone but he is working so I don't think he will until later".

Appreciate this is not relevant to thread but, this is massive hinderance to sch staff. If you are a Dad and have a child, it would be really helpful/responsible if you could leave yr phone on or with a colleague if in a meeting, in case of emergencies. Many children spend 50/50 with parents and usually it is the Dad's days where, we cannot get hold of them.

In this case OP Dad has PR and would have been best placed to deal with this. This is not to take anything away from you or your care for your stepchild, merely pointing out that it appears that Dad's do not often feel that they need to be immediately contactable when in fact, as a parent, they very much do!

Why thank you so much for putting me straight. All these comments and you picked mine, I’m truly blessed.

I'm a mum and I'm not immediately contactable on my phone either. If the school need me to pick up or anything they ring the office and they'll let me know.

@ldont Yes, Mums tend to leave various numbers to be reached on. Dad's tend to just leave a mobile number and then don't answer.

Is it? 🤔

Wow, seeing some of the answers here and I realise how mollycoddled the current generation is and why they are such a failure !!

OP this has nothing to do with you, this is between your SS mother and his father. The mother has already told you no! If you stick your oar in without input from the father, there could be all sorts of repercussions.

@DadBodAlready RTFT This was sorted days ago! The boy was quite sick and had food poisoning, he even had an accident in the car on the way back! So OP did THE RIGHT THING by picking him up. This has nothing at all to do with mollycoddling, the boy was ill!!!

I bet the current generation would at least understand how to use the MN functions to read the OP's posts, so they don't look stupid posting fatuous and obsolete "advice".

We've never talked about him living here full time but I doubt his mum would agree as she wasn't happy with SS saying he wants to spend Christmas with us again this year (we've always alternated it previously) as she accused DH of forcing SS to say that when he didn't.

SS is now fine albeit a bit tired and me and DH haven't caught anything (touchwood!) so we do think it was food poisoning so we have told him he's welcome to come here for dinner if his mum tells him to cook his own dinner again as she's out

You don't think it is a good idea for him to learn to cook?

were you worried about exposing your children to the bug OP? You don’t seem to ever refer to your own children?

so we have told him he's welcome to come here for dinner if his mum tells him to cook his own dinner again as she's out

Come again?

He’s 15. I read that right?