To think people should stop comparing older infertility to younger.

[Laneyy]

Preparing to be flamed It's very sad when someone cannot conceive aged 40+ but to compared to someone in their 20s/30s isn't fair. Especially when the infertility is secondary It's very likely if the 40+ year old would have tried 5-15 years ago they wouldn't have problems conceiving. So many people try to deny the biological clock but sadly fertility does decline in people in their 40s. I understand people do get naturally pregnant in their 40s but stasticially it's rarer than people in their 30s and 20s.

Mumsnet isn't going to like this one.

However I do agree with you.

People should just stop comparing, full stop. It’s not a competition, you don’t have to prove that your circumstances are more upsetting than anyone else’s.

Not sure there is really a need for a thread on this, you aren’t wrong but it’s just ugly and unnecessary really isn’t it? There was also a thread on it yesterday. I’m sure infertility is heartbreaking at any age, not sure it’s necessary to try and make people who are struggling feel worse.

Why compare? Surely every case of infertility is specific to the individual and may or may not be due to a factor or combination of factors 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, absolutely. So every time someone in their 40s says they're sad because they're struggling to conceive, we should definitely ask them 'and have you been trying since you were 28?' before we decide whether we can be sympathetic or not. That'll learn 'em.

(I am 38 and I have had it up to here with people telling me if I'd started trying younger it'd all have been fine. I did. It wasn't. Fuck off.)

It's not a competition. If people are upset they are upset.

Exactly! What is your objective with this thread OP? So weird

Surely infertility for people who want children is tragic whatever the cause(s)?

Saying people 'could have just tried 15 years ago' is mostly likely to be nonsense as there would have been reasons they couldn't/didn't.

For heavens sake. Is it always worse for you?

No I think you're wrong.

You're basically saying they should've tried younger and not had problems with is absolute BS. What a nasty thread

Which not with.

i started TTC when I was 32. Had my son at 38 after 5 lots of ivf and 2 miscarriages. We took breaks in between treatment cycles as we needed them. You don’t know everyone’s story.

YABU. I was told I was infertile in my twenties and then conceived in my thirties -twice. Infertility is clearly shit at both ends. In your forties I’d imagine there’s a lot more guilt and regret but in your twenties there’s longer for it to hurt (but you do have more hope as well). I wasted most of my twenties crying for two weeks of the month because my period came again. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone of any age.

Instead of comparing we should just understand each others perspectives and respect that different people have difficulties too.

Infertility is always shit and soul destroying. It’s a basic biological purpose that has gone unfulfilled. For people who don’t want children obviously that’s different but if you want them and can’t have them, at any age, it’s awful.

Infertility is horrible for anyone. Nobody is actually comparing infertility across the ages except for you. Most people will approach the situation with the sympathy it deserves for any person/couple they know who are struggling.

What outcome are you looking for? Yes, your pain is greater? Those women who weren't lucky enough to be in a financial or health or relationship situation conducive to having kids in their 20s or 30s should shut up?

How mean-spirited. It's not like the world has a limited capacity for fertility and there might not be enough to go around.

There’s nothing wrong with comparing the two, it would be wrong to pretend they are the same though.

I wasn't aware that people do compare this. Or do you really mean that women aged 40+ who are now TTC should just accept that they should have started earlier and stop moaning? Anyone is allowed to feel upset that they're struggling to conceive.

It's sad for that person, no matter what. But I do agree that once they're over 40, I do think, "Well, what did you expect?"

It's deluded to wait until you've passed 40 and think it is reasonable to expect conception. Nothing wrong with trying but be honest with yourself and realise that it is unlikely.

I think it is criminal that companies will take thousands from people over the age of 42 for IVF when success rates at that age are less than 1%.

There were some pretty shit comments on the Jennifer Aniston thread tbh saying she should have started ttc earlier and it’s people’s own fault if they don’t prioritise having children over everything else in life.

I started ttc at 29, definitely not “too late” but never managed to conceive. I still feel compassion for women who started later and have problems.

This. If a women is childless against her wishes that is a tragedy deserving of sympathy.

Having some idiot saying 'oh well you should have done it earlier' doesn't help.

Expecting someone to have a child without being financial stable, able to offer a home or even a stable family unit is equally foolish.

I haven’t seen this comparison myself.

Infertility is infertility though, regardless of age.

I think it plays into the lie that we tell young women. That it will all be fine, advances in technology, mums are getting older alll the time, such and such at 50 etc etc

Often it is not fine, and we do young women a disservice by not acknowledging that.

What do you mean it isn’t fair? There is absolutely no need for comparison and to turn it into a competition. Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason and someone being ‘worse off’ than you isn’t going to diminish your pain.

My sister was left infertile after cancer treatment in her teens so knew it would never happen for her, that there was zero chance. Now one could argue that those with unexplained infertility their 20s / 30s at least still have hope so should they complain less? Is their heartbreak any less?

What a nasty thread.

I think it's because you see celebrities having their first baby at 45 even 50 and they think that could be me. Most will be using donor eggs but they don't share that.

I think it's because you see celebrities having their first baby at 45 even 50 and they think that could be me. Most will be using donor eggs but they don't share that.

or a surrogate but they don’t share that either.