To think people should stop comparing older infertility to younger.

[Laneyy]

Preparing to be flamed It's very sad when someone cannot conceive aged 40+ but to compared to someone in their 20s/30s isn't fair. Especially when the infertility is secondary It's very likely if the 40+ year old would have tried 5-15 years ago they wouldn't have problems conceiving. So many people try to deny the biological clock but sadly fertility does decline in people in their 40s. I understand people do get naturally pregnant in their 40s but stasticially it's rarer than people in their 30s and 20s.

Well it is common sense that the older women get, the more fertility declines.

Finding you have fertility issues in your 20s gives a higher chance of being able to address those issues than finding out in your 40s
Pass me my arse

This is such a shitty thread.

What's the point in comparing the heartache of infertility?

What age do we have to turn the sympathy into judgement exactly? Or maybe we should have less sympathy for younger people struggling because they have more time/options.

Its a shit situation for anyone who is in it, whatever the age.

Yes I think there is something wrong with comparing the two, I mean for what reason would you do that? To tell an older woman her pain isn't as bad as a younger womans? Why?

Nasty thread.

Surely nobody in their 40s expects that they will get pregnant easily?

I feel really sorry for all the children born to emotionally immature women in theirs 20s.

What difference does it really make though? If a woman wants a baby and physically can’t have one, it’s going to be upsetting whatever their age or reason.

If anything, the younger woman is in a better position just because she has more time to go through the options.

I started TTC when I was 25. Grateful I started then and realised we needed IVF a few years later so we had reasonable chance of success. Always irritating that the presumption that people didn't start trying early enough!

Young women are also told they will have babies easily as they are young. I know more than a handful of women who have spent years and years trying to conceive from when they were young.

Fertility is not guaranteed for you even if you are young .

YABVU - not everyone is in a position to conceive in 20s and 30s for reasons beyond their control! Your judgement is totally unfair and frankly ageist.

I think it’s harder the older you are as you have less time and a lower chance of it working out!

I feel for anyone going through infertility.
My sister knew in her late 20’s - had a long term partner who ran for the hills as soon as he knew she had an issue and promptly had a baby with his new partner. She meet someone new , he aware there may be issues again 3 years later they split up.

She met her now partner 7 years ago, they’ve been trying for 5 years - wanted to try IVF - covid delayed. Sadly first attempt failed - she is now 43 years old. It looks like donor egg and surrogate her only options. It’s a crap time for her, she is struggling this year mental health is taking a real knock.

It’s crap whether you’re 30 or 40. The only difference is time is on your side when your 30.

Wtf

This is such a shitty thread.

Absolutely agree. I was devastated when bleeding with threatened miscarriage with my 4th child and a member of staff at the maternity unit (not sure if she was a midwife) said it was sad for another woman as it was her first and the baby was precious. My baby was precious, he was as precious as my first born. Of course it was sad for the other woman but I was devastated at how my baby was dismissed although I accept she might not have meant it quite like it sounded.

Comparing people's sadness, stress and upset is not appropriate.

This is a meanspirited thread though - grief and loss is the same either way.

Yup.

@brighterthanthemoon well it makes the point doesnt it - there are lots of reasons why women might delay trying to conceive - and frankly some women in their 20s are far worse mothers than they would have been at a later age.

it makes the point that ops judgement and post is incredibly narrow minded

Fertility isn’t guaranteed when young however statistically you are much more likely to conceive when in your 20s than your 40s.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my miscarriage/grief journey it’s that everyone wants to compare and see who’s got it worse or who’s got it better.

I understand your post is about infertility and not losses but I am so over the whole comparison thing. I think it’s time we stopped.

ALL our feelings are valid. You are allowed to be sad that you’re struggling to conceive at 20. You’re allowed to be sad you’re struggling to conceive at 40. You’re allowed to be sad that you wanted 3 kids and only managed to conceive 2. You’re allowed to be sad that you wanted 1 child and couldn’t conceive any.

You are allowed to grieve the life you expected

All I got after my losses were people saying that people have it worse because mine were first trimester losses. Why compare? I can be sad about my losses still. My feelings are still valid.

I think we need to understand that yes some have it worse and some have it easier but that doesn’t mean someone can’t be upset or complain.

It took me twenty bloody years to conceive so how do I fit in here?

People can be sad about their circumstances; it needn’t be a game of top trumps.

it’s like the argument that 2 babies close together isn’t the same as twins. I agree it’s not but both are hard with their own challenges.

Why spout that sort of bile when most people are disagreeing with the OP? There's plenty to be said about people who have babies when they are older but most people have the manners to keep their nasty opinions to themselves.

I think that there's a place for discussions concerning fertility and birth rate etc
.Comparing women's hurt and sadness, and gauging how much sympathy they deserve depending on various criteria is different and not beneficial really to anyone.

Nasty thread. I didn't start trying until my late 30s because I hadn't met anyone. Had years of being single which I also found painful. Not everyone who leaves it later had a choice of timing.

Fertility troubles are always heartbreaking. Why is it difficult to sympathise with anyone going through it?