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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her she needs to cancel?

303 replies

Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:04

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

OP posts:
2greenroses · 16/11/2022 09:05

Just tell her you are not available

Wibbly1008 · 16/11/2022 09:05

BE upfront and say “oh I’m so sorry I have plans, if only I’d known I could’ve saved you a fortune!”

upfucked · 16/11/2022 09:06

If you can’t or are unable to see her at all then tell her that otherwise arrange to go out for dinner with her.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 16/11/2022 09:06

Just tell her the days/times you'll be available whipe she's here. She can entertain herself the rest of the time surely, she doesn't need to cancel

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 16/11/2022 09:07

At least she's not expecting to stay at yours, just tell her you've got stuff on but can meet her on xx date if you want to.

bravelittletiger · 16/11/2022 09:08

Why don't you want her to come? Are you not a fan of having friends?

Muddywaters1 · 16/11/2022 09:10

Well it's not like she's expecting to stay....surely you'll manage dinner and/or a nice afternoon out with someone who is obviously happy to make the effort to visit?

PumpkinBooBoo · 16/11/2022 09:10

If she's booked a hotel she's not literally expecting you to accommodate her, so I think you're overreacting. If she's booked flights she obviously wants to make the effort to see you, is it that hard to make the effort to see her a couple of times? Hmm

Alexandernevermind · 16/11/2022 09:10

Is she expecting 24/7 entertainment from you, or is it a case of you live somewhere nice, so she is pulling in a holiday whilst hoping to have a couple of meals out with you?

TidyDancer · 16/11/2022 09:11

I think you're overreacting a bit tbh, I'm not seeing anything cheeky since she's not asking you to host her. Is there a backstory?

GobbledyGeek · 16/11/2022 09:11

She’s staying in an hotel, so why is it a great problem? If she was planning to squat your sofa for a few days I could understand that you felt inconvenienced by her unplanned visit.

Newmum0322 · 16/11/2022 09:11

Maybe she though she’d surprise you and thought you’d be happy to see your friend?
Maybe she needed to be in the area and thought she’d see if you wanted to meet up? She’s making the effort to come to you, paying travel and hotel costs and not expecting you to accommodate… I’m struggling to see the c’fery sorry!

if you are free would you not want to see her? Fair enough if you’ve got plans but if you’re going to ask her to cancel purely because you think it’s cheeky then I don’t think your very good friends.

Original poster
Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:11

She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 16/11/2022 09:11

Shes booked a hotel so shes not planning on staying with you. Are you sure she actually does want you to drop everything, or maybe she will be nearby and wants to catch up with you.
A cheeky fucker would have surely not booked their own hotel

luxxlisbon · 16/11/2022 09:12

Sound like you don’t even like her.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/11/2022 09:12

Did you miss something in your OP? Do you not like her?

If a friend of mine was visiting the area from abroad I'd do my very best to see them but I wouldn't see it as an imposition, let alone get angry.

Kittykat9070 · 16/11/2022 09:13

@Chikapu Has she actually said that? Or are you assuming from past experience?

bravelittletiger · 16/11/2022 09:13

Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:11

She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself.

Sorry but you're not coming across well here. I honestly can't think of a friend I wouldn't want to spend a weekend with if they were in my town and had booked a hotel. She's clearly not really a friend if you're so pissed off about seeing her. Sounds like you're not much of a mate to her tbh.

Holly60 · 16/11/2022 09:14

Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:11

She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself.

I don't get it?! Don't you like her? If you don't have the time just tell her when you are free and when you are busy.

Otherwise it just sounds like your friend has surprised you (at great expense to herself) with a visit

donquixotedelamancha · 16/11/2022 09:14

She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night.

Sorry, cross post above. If that's what she's said then yes that's very presumptuous.

Original poster
Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:14

Kittykat9070 · 16/11/2022 09:13

@Chikapu Has she actually said that? Or are you assuming from past experience?

Yes, she's actually said that.

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 16/11/2022 09:15

Chikapu · 16/11/2022 09:14

Yes, she's actually said that.

Show quote history

Maybe be upfront and just tell her that you actually don’t really consider her a friend and you’d rather not see her…

Holly60 · 16/11/2022 09:15

Maybe she thinks you'd like to see a lot of her because you are friends.

If you are working or have plans, just tell her. If not, why wouldn't you want to spend time with her?

NerrSnerr · 16/11/2022 09:15

Is she actually a friend? If my friend told me this and I was working I'd just say 'great, but I'm working during 'whatever' hours but will be fab to go x, y and z in my free hours. If it was a close enough friend to come and see me I'd try to get time off or juggle things so we could see each other.

IntrovertedPenguin · 16/11/2022 09:16

Just tell her your busy and carve out a few hours on one of the days for her? Assuming you actually like her.

If you don't just say sorry I wish you had told me beforehand I'm booked up for those 3 days, have a great time though!