To tell her she needs to cancel?

[Chikapu]

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

Truest thing on MN! I'm sure there are people who sit waiting to see what snippy/contrary comments they can post next. Doesn't matter if the OP is obviously 100% in the right, there will be loads of posters along to tell them that they're on glue 🙄

Yes, this.

The reason she booked a hotel is that we physically don't have room for anyone to stay, did that really not occur to anyone?
I told her yesterday that I was busy on those dates and that I wouldn't have much time to fit her in, she's going to cancel as she doesn't want to be alone in a strange city not knowing what to do with herself.
I suggested a trip over at Easter or around that time but she hasn't got back to me. We'll see!

All those people saying I should be grateful, she's a good friend and I'm not etc, do you do this kind of thing? Would you really be over the moon about it if someone did it to you?

I wouldn't be happy about it but, if I could fit it in by coincidence, I'd do it this time since it's just a short visit, and make it clear they need to check with me in future. I did that when someone did it to me and it worked for future visits. If you're not available, then you're not available.

All those people saying I should be grateful, she's a good friend and I'm not etc, do you do this kind of thing? Would you really be over the moon about it if someone did it to you?

It depends on the friendship, if my best friend in the world did that then that's one thing (she would also entertain herself / not end a friendship over me being busy on those days), if it was someone else, my worst nightmare.

In any case, it speak volumes about her as a human when she has booked flights and a hotel etc and not checked if you're free / want her to, plus might end a friendship over you having plans. She's not a great friend to begin with and I could do without someone so entitled in my life personally.

It's not the OP's fault if your diary is empty, your home needs no DIY etc

I bloody wouldn't! Ask me first. I have a great friend who lives abroad, I wouldn't dream of booking to visit her without checking with her first.

@GrabMyParaplu You're baffled that people are different from you? I mean, I'd be pretty pissed off if a friend expected me to drop everything to spend three days with her with no prior communication, but I can't say I'd be 'baffled' if someone else's reaction was to be overjoyed. Different strokes and all that ...

I agree with this. It's very presumptuous of her to make the bookings without checking!

@H007 Perhaps you are the OP's friend? OP has said the friend expects to be host to her for the complete, whole, 3 days. Without even ASKING the OP. No one who has been raised properly thinks that's appropriate.

What if the OP was in hospital? Or her husband or mother? Yet the CFer expects her and her husband to cancel their leave and accommodate them. The fact that you think there is nothing at all wrong with such a CFer act says so, so much about you, and about your values. 😂

@Hmm1234 Did you not bother to RTFT??? OP has said: "She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself."
OP has said that her husband had booked time off and they were going to see friends prior to Christmas. It takes a real egotistical CFer to think it's appropriate to rock up to the OP's place with no warning or notice (OP could have been in hospital, or abroad, or there could have been a family drama) and be so selfish as to expect the OP to forget plans that her and her husband had planned for, because this CFer 'friend' expects OP to drop everything and take her places. No one would accept that rudeness or bad manners so why are you saying the OP is wrong when it's the CFer 'friend' that is forcing herself unannounced on the OP?

I wouldn't mind someone coming to stay near me for a trip but I do think she should have planned things to do herself. If I was in her shoes I'd have said "I'm going to be near you on x date. Do you fancy meeting up while I'm there?"

No, you are minimising. Her intentions were not 'good'. OP and her husband planned and arranged time off to go elsewhere. Regardless of that, OP could have been in hospital or abroad, @Thingsthatmakeyougohmmmmmmm . Op has said that OP has said: "She's expecting me to spend the whole three days with her, meeting her in the morning, going shopping, taking her round places of interest, going drinking at night. She's really not planning on entertaining herself."

No one who is a decent friend would do this, so stop minimising and expecting the OP to #BeKind for a CFer.

This

Well she can expect what she likes then doesn’t mean she’s going to get it.
She’ll have a shock when she finds out you can’t be at her beck and call for three days.
She’ll have to entertain herself and hopefully it’ll teach her not to spring surprise visits upon you.

Well she’s booked a hotel. Is your assumption that she is only coming to see you correct? It would be very strange if so.

Hi well I’m on your side. Trouble with very old friendships is that the basis for them change as do the individuals. I think your friend’s behaviour is really strange. Interestingly this is quite a common theme on here. But the strangeness isn’t just about seeing if it’s convenient for you it’s also that she booked up without even checking you are physically there! You could have had your own plans to be away. Sorry she sounds a bit mad. Anyway sometimes friendships are sadly finished. However old they’ve run their course.

GrabMyParaplu, are you the friend😂?

It's sad. I agree.

What's sad? Would you like to explain?

I'd find it very annoying and inconvenient. Indeed to just tell someone you are arriving and dumping yourself on them is incredibly rude I think.
I can truly sympathise. Without wanting to give away my cover, I moved from an area I'd lived in since childhood and where my children spent a lot of their time, to another region of the UK. I suddenly had all these people whom I did not see much of when living in my first home wanting to 'pop in and see me' on their way to their holiday destination. The 'popping in' needed overnight stays, or even holidays with me while I drove them round the National Park next to me. Nobody came whom I invited. I did not have a chance, I was too busy giving free bed and breakfast and evening meals plus day trips to those who invited themselves. It was expensive, exhausting and difficult for my daughter and my work.
In the end I think I kept saying I was not available. They don't come now.

Sorry I read
"she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her."
and missed that she had "booked hotel"
My visitors were different, literally using me as a free stop-over when they had a long journey and had to break it with an overnight stay en route.
I think if someone told me they were going to be in my area at a certain time and it would be nice to meet up, I'd arrange to see them. In fact this is what I have done several times. I'm disabled now and hardly ever go out so people often suggest meeting for a meal somewhere and I take a taxi and have a treat. But it's not like giving up several days.

@Chikapu So what have you said to her?

OP updated at 9:56 today, she told the friend she had other commitments and the friend has cancelled, as OP predicted.

If this 'friend' would end a friendship over you not being at her constant beck and call she's not really a friend is she? I wouldn't chase her to come back to you following your offer of visiting later. Very rude behaviour from her and if she can't see that and blames you you're better off without her.