To tell her she needs to cancel?

[Chikapu]

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

See I think that’s different then. It should have been a mutual decision on dates tbh!

when is she coming? Have you at least been given plenty of notice?

Do you actually like this person enough to spend a lot of time with her, OP?

If so, either tell her what you can do or see if she can switch the dates- she's just got carried away with the idea of catching up.

If not, just be unavailable that weekend.

Would you all genuinely be ok with someone presuming they can drop in on you for three days without asking or waiting to be invited? I find that hard to believe.

Are you actually unavoidably busy those few days OP or do you just not like this friend enough to make the effort?

Do you have plans? If you are busy then tell her that.
If you don't, it sounds like a nice weekend

YANBU

Your friend is insane. This sounds like a visit that’s agreed in advance and mutually planned!

Would anybody actually do what this friend has done? Book hotel and flights and tell them she’s coming and that she wants to spend the full time with OP?
I definitely wouldn’t! I’d have a conversation with my friend and see what dates suits us both!
totally different if they were only hoping to meet for lunch/dinner or a few times over the duration of the visit, but OP says that’s not the case

Some of the people saying you are BU are probably overbearing just like your friend.

I wouldn't OP, she should have checked first and it's tough if she's now left on her own. Doesn't have anything to do with you liking her or not

A friend, of course. Why not? I like my friends, enjoy spending time with them, and can be honest with them if I have prior plans and they wouldn't be annoyed.

I would move around what I could, explain any prior engagements I couldn't move, then get on with having a lovely time with my friend.

But she's not dropping in on you? She's booked a weekend trip to the town you live in and wants to see you so is excited about making plans for the days she is there.

It's hard for me to imagine because my friends would always stay with me and so it would require forward planning. But yes if my friend had decided to come to my town and had booked a hotel and flights I would see her and I certainly wouldn't be pissed off. If I felt all days was too much for me or I was busy I would just say "I can't do Saturday day but let's go for dinner and drinks- I'll book something" or something else similarly normal 🤣

Would you all genuinely be ok with someone presuming they can drop in on you for three days without asking or waiting to be invited?

Completely depends on who. IME friends like this tend not to mind if I am busy because are much less anal then me and have more free time.

That said I would not be free all weekend at short notice.

I find it hard to believe someone told you all in one message that they had booked flights, a hotel for 3 days and ‘expected’ you to be free every minute of the 3 days 🤷‍♀️

I don’t understand why you can’t just say

“Oh lovely! XPlace has lots to do - be sure to check out xyz whilst you’re here! I have some plans already for that weekend but let’s have dinner Saturday night/pop out for lunch and shopping on Sunday”

surely this is only a drama/problem if you make it one?

Apparently reading these responses, we are in the minority!

Exactly (maybe not the insanity part!).

She's an adult. Tell her when you "can" meet during her stay (assuming you want to at all) so she can make alternative plans.

She's not expecting to stay with you. Tell her you have some plans already but are available for at X times.

Why the drama?

Did she Literally not mention that she was thinking of coming until after she booked her hotel. and flight? How have you replied so far?

Just say "Well I will be at work obviously, but we could do dinner on the Tuesday?". Or if you don't work, invent some other obligation, but just be clear that you can't drop everything for 3 days.

just say "great, i am pretty busy on those days, but can see you on xyz"

Reply 'thats a shame you have already booked those days as I am away myself that weekend. Hope you have a great time whatever you do get up to'.

I would be stunned if anyone did that on me.

She didn't no, her message was I'm coming to see you I've booked flights and a hotel for this date.
I know this person extremely well and I assure you this isn't her coming to the city I live in and expecting to fill her own time, she isn't like that in the slightest.

I'd make myself available on either the first or last day of her trip only. Everything else is up to her. You can provide her with a tourist guide and advice on where to eat/drink etc. but you will only be available for one of the days of her stay. Such a pity she didn't liaise with you before now as you have plans for the other days of her visit (plans to do nothing or whatever, but none of her business any which way).