To tell her she needs to cancel?

[Chikapu]

My friend has sent me a message telling me she's coming to see me and that she's booked a hotel and flights. I didn't invite her, she's literally taken it upon herself to think that this is ok and that I'll drop everything to accommodate her.
I'm speechless at her cheek tbh and don't want her to come, would I be a bitch to tell her to cancel?

Either tell her that you have no plans or IF it suits you, see her once for dinner in a restaurant.

If you don't want her to presume like this again, be firmly unavailable for most of her visit.

Do not be pressurised into including her in your plans.

People do this when they are intent on taking away YOUR choice.

Push back firmly but calmly.

It just doesn't suit.

Then just tell her you’re busy - if you are - and arrange to see her a couple of evenings or whatever.

I don’t really see the issue. She’s staying in a hotel, and she can’t compel you to spend 3 days with her so just see her when you can.

How rude is she? Absolutely tell her to cancel.

"That's lovely, but I wish you had checked with me first as I am busy on those dates. Will try and meet you for a coffee?"

I don't think you can tell her to cancel, but you can limit how much time you spend with her, although I struggle to see why you would want that if you are free and she is a friend. It doesn't sound like you like her very much, and if that is the case, just meet her for a coffee or a walk or something. You don't have to be a martyr and assume she needs you to be there with her every minute of every day, just do what you are comfortable doing.

Such a shame you've got an unavoidable full time work conference for two out of those three days. Or work trip away. Or pre-booked break somewhere else.

I would be honest and say I am happy to meet but I cannot spend three days with her as she did not ask beforehand

MAKE PLANS!!!

I know it's petty but I would arrange as much stuff as possible and let her know you're busy. Tell her you might meet her for dinner/drinks on one of the nights but that's all you can spare.
Top it off with a 'next time please give me more notice so I can make sure I have more time. Hope you have fun'

Just tell her you're busy!

If you like her though (sounds like you definitely don't), then I'm sure you can find a way squeeze in a meal/walk/coffee/museum.

"Oh amazing! But you should've checked dates with me you daft mare! I'm only around on Friday afternoon/ evening 🙈 "

And done

I would not be entertaining any of that.

Blusher on the end of your nose, Vaseline on cheeks and forehead, backcomb your hair and answer the door to her in your dressing gown and cough into her face and then in a wheezy voice say you have the plague and then slam foot on her pushy face.

You don't need to tell her to cancel, and it's not your place to tell her to cancel anyway - she's booked a hotel so she's not turning up on your doorstep.
Do you actually consider her a friend? If so, can't you manage to spend some time with her?
If you have plans already, just be honest. "Hi Friend, I wish you had checked with me before booking those dates because I already have plans doing XXX. But I'd love to have dinner with you on Saturday/spend Sunday afternoon with you/etc".
If you're actually free but dropping out simply because she didn't check with you first then you're being a bit childish.

Door not foot!

Tell her that you can only see her for one day and that you have plans for the other two days (maybe meet her for dinner on the last night) . if you cannot even bear to spare a day to do those things then I do not think you are friends anymore and you should officially call it a day.

I wouldn’t. If it were a trip specifically to see me and hang out for days, nah, you need to have a conversation to find a mutually suitable date. I’m really busy, I just wouldn’t have a free three days. It’s really not in to expect people to drop everything to hang out with you for three days without agreement first!

Then you need to use your words like a grown up, & explain your unavailability to her, not us.

& of course YABU to tell her to cancel!
You can't order somebody to cancel their booked plans - who do you think you are?
She'll just have to enjoy some of her 3 day break solo, & only see you occasionally.

I would not.
I'd be pissed right off.

You just don't tell someone you've booked a hotel and they are to be your tour guide, taxi driver and entertainment for three days.

It's not ok.

Well she'll need to grow up and figure something out.

If you're busy you're busy and just tell her so.

Surely you have time for one lunch or dinner out in that three-day period? Unless you really dislike her and just don't want to see her at all.

Did she even check if you were free? You could be working or away yourself surely?

I have family who live in Europe and they regularly just inform me they are coming to stay but equally they can stay at mine without me being there and I certainly don’t have to entertain them in anyway so it doesn’t really matter so much.

And what did you say in response?

Are you working?
Do you have kids?

It sounds as if you are simply annoyed by the principle that she has done this, rather than the practicalities.

If you DO have plans / obligations during that time, well obviously it is ridiculous of her to think you can suddenly be at her disposal.

Also you haven’t said when this is? Has she booked for next week…or given you 3 months notice.

If you want us to be outraged on your behalf you need to give more details.

Why are you friends? If one of my friends did this I'd be over the moon and plan maybe a day off and then catch up in the evenings?

OP - It’s weird that several people have asked you in this thread if you actually like this friend and you’ve not answered.

Do you like this friend? If not, let her know you aren’t interested in her enough to fill three days with her. If you do like her then spend the time with her. Three days is nothing and then she leaves and you go back to your life.

I know this person extremely well and I assure you this isn't her coming to the city I live in and expecting to fill her own time, she isn't like that in the slightest.

Why did you call this person your friend in your OP?
She's clearly somebody who irritates you & you don't want to see.

YANBU to be irritated by the total lack of consultation - that was a batshit move on her part - but why on earth, already knowing what she was like, did you not immediately counter with some version of the bleeding obvious "no can do" as PP have pointed out?

It’s not weird at all. There’s a lot of people I like that doesn’t mean I’d want them showing up without asking and expecting me to drop everything to spend three straight days with them, because I have A LIFE.