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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my neighbour is being ridiculous?

186 replies

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 22:52

NC as a bit outing as can't imagine many people have had this discussion tonight. Hoping my neighbours aren't on here! I live in an end terrace. Get on really well with neighbours on the street. Neighbours who lived next door were lovely, used to pop in for coffee, would regularly have a glass of wine on am evening in the shared garden. They moved out recently and new neighbours moved in around two years ago.

I am a lone parent to a 4yo so my evenings are important to me. My son goes to bed at about 8:30 and wakes up at 7 every morning. By the time I've eaten, sorted stuff for nursery, made his packed lunch, cleaned etc it is 9:30/9:45 and I like to have a bath. Empty the bath water at around 10:30 then crawl into bed. This is probably 3x a week.

My neighbour came round today and asked on behalf of his wife that I don't have a bath so late at night as she can hear the water draining outside at 10:30. I was gobsmacked. I said pretty calmly that unfortunately I can't change the time I have a bath, as that's the time that suits me, at which point he asked if I could 'maybe leave the bath water in the tub until the morning and empty it then' (which obviously I can't do because my bathroom would go mouldy). I told him I had a phonecall (not a lie) and had to go but I'd speak to him later. AIBU to think that I should be able to have a bath whenever I want and that this is just part of living in a terraced house? For example I don't complain when their dog barks at 11pm or I can hear their TV at 2 in the morning, because some noise is expected.

I know, this all sounds a bit ridiculous but I actually feel awkward having a bath in the evening now. Never in my life had to worry about when I wash!

OP posts:
BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 22:53

New neighbours moved in two months ago, not years ago!

OP posts:
Trudij123 · 12/11/2022 22:55

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all - ignore them.

PriOn1 · 12/11/2022 22:55

They sound like a pain in the arse. No way would I ever ask someone to stop having a bath. Sounds like you were reasonable but firm and you should probably continue to be so, though I can imagine it does now feel awkward.

EL8888 · 12/11/2022 22:55

Controlling much?! It would be a no from me. It’s not as if you’re operating a drill or buzz saw. How loud can it be?’ You can’t leave it overnight especially with a 4 year old

Brigante9 · 12/11/2022 22:57

Ignore. What a massive cheek to ask you this! If he asks again, tell him the tv/dog disturbs you regularly but you wouldn’t complain because it’s part of living in close proximity with others.

SeasonFinale · 12/11/2022 22:58

Tell them no and suggest she wears ear plugs if she is trying to sleep that that early a time. The other poster makes a food point about the safety issue of having a 4 year old and standing water. We know a child cam actually drown in a couple of inches of water.

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 22:58

Honestly I've never experienced anything like it in my life. I'd love to have seen my face when he asked me as I have an utterly shite poker face. Think I just stared at him blankly for at least 5 seconds

OP posts:
TellySavalashairbrush · 12/11/2022 22:58

That’s ridiculous. I am all for peace and quiet but they are being very OTT. Totally ignore it and definitely don’t adjust your bath routine , otherwise they will just find something else just as petty to complain about.

SeasonFinale · 12/11/2022 22:58

Good point not food point

WeAreTheHeroes · 12/11/2022 22:59

I think I would tell them what you've told us - ridiculous. They shouldn't love in a terrace if they are so sensitive to noise.

WeAreTheHeroes · 12/11/2022 22:59

Live obviously

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 22:59

SeasonFinale · 12/11/2022 22:58

Tell them no and suggest she wears ear plugs if she is trying to sleep that that early a time. The other poster makes a food point about the safety issue of having a 4 year old and standing water. We know a child cam actually drown in a couple of inches of water.

Exactly! And knowing him he would play with it as soon as he woke up and went for a wee! My baths are a lot deeper than his. I just love a late night bath. It's my favourite thing and now feel so awkward about it.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 12/11/2022 23:02

Absolutely don't do it. Can imagine this would be start of many 'requests-.

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 23:02

MichelleScarn · 12/11/2022 23:02

Absolutely don't do it. Can imagine this would be start of many 'requests-.

Oh trust me I don't plan on. Its on of the very few affordable pleasures I have in life!

OP posts:
RitaFires · 12/11/2022 23:03

When you live in close proximity to people you have to expect to hear some sounds from them, it's unavoidable. Complaining about a bath draining is ridiculously unreasonable. Your plumbing is performing as intended, your neighbour needs to get a grip.

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 23:03

RitaFires · 12/11/2022 23:03

When you live in close proximity to people you have to expect to hear some sounds from them, it's unavoidable. Complaining about a bath draining is ridiculously unreasonable. Your plumbing is performing as intended, your neighbour needs to get a grip.

I think it's where the water empties outside. You can hear it splashing. But it takes what, a minute for a bath to drain?

OP posts:
EL8888 · 12/11/2022 23:06

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 23:02

Oh trust me I don't plan on. Its on of the very few affordable pleasures I have in life!

Good on you. Instinct tells me it would be just the beginning of precious and bat shit requests

I am a very light sleeper but struggle to imagine being disturbed or woken by a bath draining. I also live in a terraced house

PriamFarrl · 12/11/2022 23:06

I hate neighbour noise but I really couldn’t get worked up about the sound of a bath emptying. At least with that kind of noise you know it’ll be over in 5 minutes, unlike music, a dog or a tv.

TrashyPanda · 12/11/2022 23:06

That’s totally bonkers.

so what if she hears water draining away at 10.30? It only lasts for a few moments and it’s not exactly deafening.

TwoMonthsOff · 12/11/2022 23:06

how do they cope with heavy rain !

BlondeWaves · 12/11/2022 23:07

TwoMonthsOff · 12/11/2022 23:06

how do they cope with heavy rain !

God knows!!!

OP posts:
Mlb123 · 12/11/2022 23:07

Yes they are being ridiculous and nobody would ever validate their complaint if they made one. The bathwater emptying would only go on for a couple of minutes anyway . It's not like they would have to hear it for an hour . I wouldnt give in on it anyway or give them any impression that I had changed to accommodate them in this because these kind of people usually react to getting their own way in something by approaching you with other things they would like you to change to suit them. You have a 4 year old child so no doubt at some point they would include your son in one of their bizarre complaints . Just ignore them and carry on as you're not doing anything wrong . You don't need to feel awkward about it and your awkwardness is down to it being so bizarre you are looking into it trying to understand it and coming up with nothing!!! Xxx

TheHateIsNotGood · 12/11/2022 23:09

The clue is in the 'asking on behalf of his wife' which in itself is ridiculous; can't she speak to you herself? As an SP you will become more used to dealing with the Two-headed Beasts, the old it's not me it's her/him chestnut; most couples pull this stunt with other couples but just easier when they're dealing with just person, even easier when that 1 person has to also care for someone else on their own.

But it is hard when you've got no SO to Back you up and I understand how you're now feeling awkward about even having a bath in your on home, it's not that easy to just ignore them when you're on your own with one hand tie behind your back.

But ignore them you must and bathe when you wish to. Play a long game and you'll find your resilience will overshadow their clingy weaknesses.

LakieLady · 12/11/2022 23:10

What an utter dick!

He might have been a tad reasonable if you'd been bathing at 2 am or something, but letting the water out at 10.30, ffs? Loads of people bath last thing at night, and 10.30 isn't late.

I often shower at 6 or 6.30, my neighbour can probably hear the water running and the boiler roaring away while I shower, but she wouldn't dream of saying anything or asking me to change my habits.

LookItsMeAgain · 12/11/2022 23:10

My advice would be for you to get yourself to Poundland or similar and buy some cheap sets of earplugs and have them handy by the door if said neighbour pops around again you say"I'm not going to change my routine but I was out shopping, saw these and thought of you and your wife" and produce a pack of earplugs for them.

Do not change your routine. So she hears splashing water as the bathtub drains. It's literally for a matter of minutes not for hours and hours and it's not like a dripping tap where you're waiting for the next drop to fall.