to think my neighbour is being ridiculous?

[BlondeWaves]

NC as a bit outing as can't imagine many people have had this discussion tonight. Hoping my neighbours aren't on here! I live in an end terrace. Get on really well with neighbours on the street. Neighbours who lived next door were lovely, used to pop in for coffee, would regularly have a glass of wine on am evening in the shared garden. They moved out recently and new neighbours moved in around two years ago.

I am a lone parent to a 4yo so my evenings are important to me. My son goes to bed at about 8:30 and wakes up at 7 every morning. By the time I've eaten, sorted stuff for nursery, made his packed lunch, cleaned etc it is 9:30/9:45 and I like to have a bath. Empty the bath water at around 10:30 then crawl into bed. This is probably 3x a week.

My neighbour came round today and asked on behalf of his wife that I don't have a bath so late at night as she can hear the water draining outside at 10:30. I was gobsmacked. I said pretty calmly that unfortunately I can't change the time I have a bath, as that's the time that suits me, at which point he asked if I could 'maybe leave the bath water in the tub until the morning and empty it then' (which obviously I can't do because my bathroom would go mouldy). I told him I had a phonecall (not a lie) and had to go but I'd speak to him later. AIBU to think that I should be able to have a bath whenever I want and that this is just part of living in a terraced house? For example I don't complain when their dog barks at 11pm or I can hear their TV at 2 in the morning, because some noise is expected.

I know, this all sounds a bit ridiculous but I actually feel awkward having a bath in the evening now. Never in my life had to worry about when I wash!

Because I just can't be arsed. There are loads of things that irritate me about living in terraced. TV at 2am, lawnmower at 8am after a nightshift, chatting in the garden at 1am, very occasionally the smell of cigarettes coming in my window after someone has had a get together and a guest is smoking in the garden. If we all asked everyone to change the way they did minor things to reduce these ridiculously minor irritations we'd all go insane. If I do this one thing, what else is he going to ask me? If he wants to stick a sponge in at the bottom of the pipe he can crack on hut the fact he actually asked me not to bathe at all after 9pm has pissed me off. If you couldn't tell 😅

If he brings it up again just laugh. I’ve got second-hand embarrassment on his behalf – especially as it’s not even his complaint, it’s his wife’s. Completely bonkers.

I had this issue a few years with the downstairs neighbours on the ground floor, turns out they had decorated and removed any sound proofing, so they could hear everything from the bathrooms above them but even I hear the people above me when they flush or drain the bath but only when I'm in the bathroom

At first I read your message and thought hmmm there does need to be some give and take when living in a terrace but then I got to the dog barking and my answer is firming fuck them!

That really is utterly ridiculous. I hate noisy neighbours and have a real issue with noise, but I'd never in a million years even dream of suggesting this!

Don't stop having baths, but maybe you could slow the water going out? I used to put a face washer over the bath drain so that the water would go out slowly and make less noise in one of our places.

People suggesting trying to mitigate with slowing the water down - NO. Not until they deal with their dog barking and turn their TV off by 11pm.

Oh FFS, that's ridiculous 🤣
How long does the bath water drain for? 2 hours?! If so can see their point.
If it's just normal draining away, that's what, a minute or two .
Ignore them, they're batshit lol

This.

Don’t slow the drainage! That’s just prolonging the agony. And also nuts.

Oh god OP, you’ve got right ones there!

I really hope you had your bath at your usual time tonight!

If they approach you again, (do not feed them by going round to theirs), say ‘you know, I was so shocked when you came to my door the other day to try to dictate when I washed myself after living next door for 2 months, that I didn’t know what to say. Now I do, go fuck your self you crazy cunts and if you ever knock on my door again I’ll call the police’.

These people are going to be an absolute nightmare if you don’t get in hard and sound like you’re not going to take any shit.

I'd take bath water over barking any day. I doubt it's loud enough to wake you if you're already asleep.

Would it be worth asking for more info? Is there something you're missing here, are the pipes terribly noisy or is it taking 30mins to drain... something that makes this seemingly bizarre request more explainable? It's unlikely, but I'd want to be clear that the exact issue is a gargling drain outside for five mins at 10.30 before I told them no they should be able to cope with that as part of living in a terrace and while you're not seeking to inconvenience them, it's too much to ask you to stop bathing in your own home at a reasonable time that suits you for relaxing and routine and I would point out the safety issue of leaving a full bath while you are asleep with a small child and yes it's going to create moisture and damp in the room. Are they really asking you to give up your choice, your self care or your safety and risk damp for five mins of reasonable low level noise? If that's the case then I'd politely say, modify the drain if you want but you don't want to give up bathing of your own free will in your own home xx

I actually have a similar situation. The water from our bath drains to a pipe outside which is a bit too short and perhaps not exactly over the drain hole so it hits the concrete quite loudly next to the bedroom window of the flat downstairs. I noticed it was noisy myself so I put a face flannel on the bath plug hole after I have taken the plug out and it drains slowly while I am brushing my teeth. By the time I have finished my teeth the bath is empty.

It is rude and unreasonable of your neighbours to ask you to stop having baths at that time and I would be annoyed too. Having said that, do you think it’s possible that it drains more loudly than you realise? Could you just put a sponge or flannel over the plug hole while it drains? If you can do something to minimise the noise that doesn’t inconvenience you then that will get rid of the problem. They are unpleasant neighbours but there’s no point deliberately not changing things if you can.

YANBU
I had a similar comment from a downstairs neighbour once and it was one of many totally batshit comments. Agree with PP, if you relent on this, it will be followed by more nonsense. People sensitive to noise shouldn't live in terraces or flats and they are unreasonable to expect their neighbours to tiptoe around for them. Crack on OP.

A bath at 22:30 is absolutely fine.

I have new neighbours of a few months in -what I used to consider - a gorgeous tenement Close. The flat was built long before soundproofing regulations but it has never been a problem before. Now I have noisy neighbours slamming doors on any given night up to 4am and it’s really impacting my sleep and quality of life. I’m woken at least once, and usually 2-3 times, a night. I sometimes dread going to bed.

For me, most noise is reasonable up to 11pm. It’s reasonable that very occasionally there might be noise after 11pm.

It is unreasonable to consistently experience noise after 11am.

Did you mention that you tolerate the dog barking and 2am TV? If not I think you should. They need a bit of balance and tolerance brought into it or they will just get more and more wound up and self righteous every time they hear you. Which with a 4 year old, they probably do.

The mould argument is moot. The PP is right that it would be a safety issue to leave the water.

btw the fact that he was asking "on behalf of his wife" may mean he's trying to distance himself from a request that he knows sounds overly petty.

I would start listening to music (quietly) while bathing too. Considered becoming an opera buff?

Draining bath water shouldn't be making a splashing noise. Are you sure your drainage is correctly set up?
Are you sure you're not overfilling the bath and some water is splashing out of the overflow?

They are being VVUR but, as a side note the drainpipe covers you can get to stop crap getting in your grid do minimize the noise from this.

If you wanted to be super friendly neighbour you could try that or just tell them to piss off.

Wagner's Ring Cycle should do the trick😁

Footsteps over my head
Someone on on exercise machine - no idea who!
Door to communal bin shed opening/ bin lid clanging
Car arriving
Communal gate opening
Car leaving
Traffic on main road
Helicopter- probably police
Local fox population
Washing machine upstairs
Pipe banging - unknown reason - does anyone know why pipes bang?

Just a brief summary of noises I've heard since I came to bed this evening - the loudest and most persistent actually being the foxes. Nothing that I would actually complain about, cos I live in a block, and that's what you hear if you live in a block

If any of my close neighbours had a bath, I would not only hear it draining, but smell their shampoo too

If you don't want to hear people around you, then don't live in a terrace or a block - I know there are much cheaper homes in remote locations. Probably not so handy for the buses though

I was alone during lockdown, and enjoyed hearing other people I couldn't see all going about their daily lockdown lives in close proximately all around me

Can see from the responses here how disputes arise. If its the draining that's the issue, could ypu put a cover on the drain to reduce the sound?

Although not your fault and of course you should bath when you wish, noise is a sensitive matter and anything we can all do to help make a nice life for each other we should shouldn't we?

Jesus some folk pick some petty things to moan about!

At 10pm last night I could hear several dogs barking (none of them mine either!), smell someone smoking very strong weed, hear next doors dryer going, next door the other side seemed to be running up and down the stairs and someones tv on.

My neighbours can definitely hear my dogs if they get silly, definitely can hear me failing to deal with pain (screaming, swearing, no one cares enough to have called anyone mind!), likely can hear my tv and music at times.

Its a terraced row, at the end of a cul de sac of semis and short terraces - there will be noise.

I did go over and ask the previous next doors if they could use their dryer after 9am and before 9pm, but only because it was in their garage, and the belt was going so it made this fuck awful screeching sound which I could hear through my double glazing. Turns out they had no idea as they'd been putting it on and going to bed with earplugs in for other reasons and it didn't start making a racket until a good 10 minutes into the cycle. They repaired it or bought a new one.

There is zero fucking chance I would be altering the time I get to have a bath purely on the noise of draining water, what next, don't wash your hands after 10pm if you go for a wee, oh, don't flush either... please stop rain running down your down pipe...

Nope nope nope.