to think my neighbour is being ridiculous?

[BlondeWaves]

NC as a bit outing as can't imagine many people have had this discussion tonight. Hoping my neighbours aren't on here! I live in an end terrace. Get on really well with neighbours on the street. Neighbours who lived next door were lovely, used to pop in for coffee, would regularly have a glass of wine on am evening in the shared garden. They moved out recently and new neighbours moved in around two years ago.

I am a lone parent to a 4yo so my evenings are important to me. My son goes to bed at about 8:30 and wakes up at 7 every morning. By the time I've eaten, sorted stuff for nursery, made his packed lunch, cleaned etc it is 9:30/9:45 and I like to have a bath. Empty the bath water at around 10:30 then crawl into bed. This is probably 3x a week.

My neighbour came round today and asked on behalf of his wife that I don't have a bath so late at night as she can hear the water draining outside at 10:30. I was gobsmacked. I said pretty calmly that unfortunately I can't change the time I have a bath, as that's the time that suits me, at which point he asked if I could 'maybe leave the bath water in the tub until the morning and empty it then' (which obviously I can't do because my bathroom would go mouldy). I told him I had a phonecall (not a lie) and had to go but I'd speak to him later. AIBU to think that I should be able to have a bath whenever I want and that this is just part of living in a terraced house? For example I don't complain when their dog barks at 11pm or I can hear their TV at 2 in the morning, because some noise is expected.

I know, this all sounds a bit ridiculous but I actually feel awkward having a bath in the evening now. Never in my life had to worry about when I wash!

Sorry, didn't include my advice.

Don't say anything, just leave it. If he calls round again, don't engage in the topic. Just say you are really very busy and you hope they are settling in well then close the door.

There is no winning with these arseholes.

This.

I would actively avoid them too.

People that comfortable complaining are to be avoided.

Suggesting you leave it un emptied with small child in the house is outrageous, and should probably be said to them.

They can't ask you to leave a bath tub full of water overnight wnen you have a four year old in the house!!

The thought fills me with horror even though the chances of something bad happening are so small.

They are massively overstepping.

Terraced house - yanbu.

I live in a flat and it's only 2 floors. I do consider what time I do things because actually my neighbours downstairs don't want to hear it like I can hear them.

But having a shower or bath is never something either of us has considered should be time constrained. Because I leave home at 5am and get in at 8pm and her DH leaves home at 10pm and gets in at 6am.

We'd never shower if we tried to avoid waking our respective kids or his DW up

A bit of noise is to expected from neighbours. If you were being inconsiderate and playing loud music in the early hours I could understand but draining your bath water at 10.30pm??? Your neighbours sound incredibly petty. If you give in to this request I have a feeling it will be the first of many and you’ll end up being scared to breathe in your own home for fear of upsetting them. Hope pp responses have reassured you that you’re doing nothing wrong and you continue to relax in your bath

When it rains and the rainwater comes off the roof and into the drain who does he complain to then. I think that is the same noise is it not,

it is not like it is a washing machine.
i am sorry they even asked!
you carry on

I’m in a terrace and my neighbours used to have showers at midnight. I think it was a power shower they had as you could hear a really loud pump noise starting up. Why so late I don’t know. They aren’t shift workers. It has stopped now but we never mentioned it. The screaming arguments and fights between their DS and DM etc were much worse including the DS banging on the wall/door whatever. Again we said nothing. Tolerance is definitely needed in a terrace. Draining water would be no problem. We are no angels and my shouting at DS to get a move on in the mornings and my DS/DH setting off burglar alarm at 6.30am after forgetting to deactivate it probably annoys the whole street but it is rare. Tolerance!

Maybe just check your gutter and down pipes- if for instance the Down pipe isn’t going right down into the drain it could be splashing and making unnecessary noise
but, it is bizarre and will always make some noise…so don’t stop having baths

That’s a ludicrous request. I would be concerned there is more to come. And you can’t leave a full bath unattended with a 4 year old in the house. Wtf are they thinking.

If you were a man or had a male partner, i would bet he would not have come round. People like them seem to pick on lone women to attack. Infuriating.

Keep us posted, OP. 💐

This is all you need to do.

This is bonkers. Lots of people like to have a bath before they go to bed and 10.30 is a perfectly reasonable time. Fair enough if you were running the bath at 3am and waking them up, but you’re just going about your perfectly normal business.

You have two options, I think. One is more sensible and is a reasoned “look - we don’t live in huge detached houses and so we can hear each other. I am disturbed by your dog/TV etc but don’t complain- 10.30 is a perfectly reasonable time to bathe”. The other? (And I know it’s a bit naughty!) I’d look aghast and scream “oh my God, you’re telling me that you listen to me using the bathroom! That’s disgusting…..” and watch him run……

If you stop having your bath, I imagine there's going to be something else that annoys them soon after

So no. Yanbu

Yanbu, however I'm always amazed how many people carry on doing chores after their kids go to bed, for me that's my chill out time

I would feel pity on the male neighbour, because clearly he is the one who had to come around because he was forced to. I had neighbours like this... .. she didn't like it if I ever cooked fish because "the smell came through the walls", but wouldn't speak to me about anything, and got her long suffering husband to come round. I told him that I cook fish once in a blue moon and if they want I'll tell them when I'm planing on cooking it. He went back inside, and then I heard her yell and storm upstairs.

I don't carry on doing them though. It's the only time I have to do them. I'm a lone parent. I work full time. By the time I've fed him, spent a bit of time with him, given him a bath, put him to bed etc, that's almost my whole day taken up. I don't have time in the morning.

Rainwater doesn't make any sort of noise in my house, other than just, well, rain. I suppose it runs along the gutter, into the downpipe and then the drain or soakaway. Also I guess even he doesn't think the OP is controlling the weather.

Imagine trying to tell someone when they can bathe in their own house! Bonkers.

Poor you. Ignore the idiots,op. Or you could warn them they will need to move before your dc becomes a teenager 😃.

Yeah they can’t really expect someone to change their bathtime. And it’s your house and you can do what you want. It’s hardly after midnight and in any case you can still get a bath ha.

Wow I've never heard such nonsense in all my life. Have your dawn bath what a cheek who do these people they are. When exactly should you bathe. So they have a rota for you. Seriously you have a small kid accident happen don't risk it. Also don't hide don't avoid your neighbours that puts you on the back for to hide everything you see them. Why didn't the wife speak to you woman to woman. Why hubby is it him that's bothered really and not her I don't want to get kicked of mumsnet nut what a ????????.

I hate noise, music and loud voices but everyday noise like a shower, bath, washer, traffic doesn't bother me. It's the sounds of living.

People can help loud music and shouting. They cannot not shower etc.

Tell him that you will not stop. And he needs to turn his TV down.

Really feel for you.

Next time tell him to fuck off and to mind his own business and shut the door in his face.

I bet he wouldn’t have dared come over if you’d had a DP or DH there.

In my younger and single days a similar thing happened to me. Him/her did it because they could because I was too nice to stick up for myself. They were a horrible pair of bullies.

Utterly ridiculous. Your neighbours will be telling you when you can go to toilet next and when you can wash your hands ..!!

How entitled! Even worse that their have a late night barking dog and watch TV at 2am but don't even think about how they disturb others...

So you did well to stand your grand politely and make up an excuse to cut short conversation when he started telling you to leave water in your bath until morning!!?!

All you can do is cut short any further conversations that start like this. "Neighbour , I am not listening to any further unreasonable requests from you about when I have a bath or use toilet and hand sink in my own home..!"