to think my neighbour is being ridiculous?

[BlondeWaves]

NC as a bit outing as can't imagine many people have had this discussion tonight. Hoping my neighbours aren't on here! I live in an end terrace. Get on really well with neighbours on the street. Neighbours who lived next door were lovely, used to pop in for coffee, would regularly have a glass of wine on am evening in the shared garden. They moved out recently and new neighbours moved in around two years ago.

I am a lone parent to a 4yo so my evenings are important to me. My son goes to bed at about 8:30 and wakes up at 7 every morning. By the time I've eaten, sorted stuff for nursery, made his packed lunch, cleaned etc it is 9:30/9:45 and I like to have a bath. Empty the bath water at around 10:30 then crawl into bed. This is probably 3x a week.

My neighbour came round today and asked on behalf of his wife that I don't have a bath so late at night as she can hear the water draining outside at 10:30. I was gobsmacked. I said pretty calmly that unfortunately I can't change the time I have a bath, as that's the time that suits me, at which point he asked if I could 'maybe leave the bath water in the tub until the morning and empty it then' (which obviously I can't do because my bathroom would go mouldy). I told him I had a phonecall (not a lie) and had to go but I'd speak to him later. AIBU to think that I should be able to have a bath whenever I want and that this is just part of living in a terraced house? For example I don't complain when their dog barks at 11pm or I can hear their TV at 2 in the morning, because some noise is expected.

I know, this all sounds a bit ridiculous but I actually feel awkward having a bath in the evening now. Never in my life had to worry about when I wash!

They're being completely unreasonable. Letting a bath out to drain at 10:30pm isn't unreasonable in the slightest. That's just normal living noise. God, if they can't handle something as quick as a bath draining, they shouldn't live in a terraced house. Ignore them.

OP, YANBU. It is U of him to ask you.

When I lived in a small terrace, my neighbour played the saxophone and it was so loud it sounded like he was sat on my sofa. There is nothing you can do about noise. I probably disturbed them on occasion coming home late from the pub and so on.

You have to live your life to suit yourself, not them. You can't leave water in until the morning, it would be too dangerous with a little one around, and the bath would need extra cleaning all the time as it would have scum lines, and yes , the mould, but the main reason is your son's safety.

You don't want a war with them, but they asked politely, you said no politely so lets hope things don't escaluate. They can always move if they don't like living in a terrace.

Running bath water is a minor thing compared to the harassment that some neighbours get.

10.30 isn't that late crikey what time do they go to bed. It also wouldn't be safe to leave the water in the bath with your four year old. They are being selfish f*ers . Tell them to get a life.

The absolute cheek of it!

I am willing to make the journey to wherever in the world you live and tell them personally what I think of such a request!😈

I have had to live with noisy neighbours in the past and it seriously affected my mental health at times. Loud music, dogs, voices and cigarettes directly outside the bedroom window, kids playing football on my front lawn etc etc.
But unless you are singing or playing music in the bath, there's no way that should be considered a nuisance. With a small child in the house, a peaceful soak after their bedtime is the most reasonable thing in the world.
What if you need a shower after having sex? Are you going to sit around until morning, waiting for your neighbours to wake up? It's totally weird.

There is probably something that can be done to reduce splashing noises if the water runs onto concrete. Maybe a longer pipe or a flexible end? My plumbing is an internal stack, so have never had that issue, but there must be something minor you can fit, even if just to show willing?
Enjoy your quiet, relaxing bath OP. Sounds like a bit of sensible self-care to me.

Unless God forbid something happens to the small child, who is forced to live (unattended overnight) with a massive drowning hazard.

I can’t believe how many people are suggesting capitulating at all, never mind the ones who are happy to take risks with a small child’s life for the benefit of the cheeky fuckers next door

Wow, I think I've heard it all now!!
They are definitely being unreasonable! Glad to hear you're not going to change your routine because of this. Stick to that because if you did then they will think that they can control you and it could be the start of things!
I suppose you could check the drain cover to see if it's moved and the water is landing on it differently hence the louder splashing sound, but even then that sounds mad!
Don't feel awkward about having your bath. If they mention it again then say that you hear dog/TV but accept it's part of having neighbours.
Certainly a good point about leaving water in the bath with having a youngster. They are being totally unreasonable!!

They are being ridiculous.

I would say, now you mention it, your dog often disturbs me, as does your TV which goes on longer than the 5 mins mu bath takes to drain, and sometimes I can also hear you speaking. It’s water in a bath!

I wouldn’t change behaviour but when someone is over after your kid has a bath can they watch your kid while bath empties so you can see what the noise is they are complaining about. Only because it could be a blockage outside or by the drain and you could fix it to avoid any problems with your house. Eg the gutter outside is full of gunk which could then mean water is on the walls outside.

but you don’t need to change your routine at all. Unless you are singing hard rock while bathing as well with windows wide open 😆
but i understand that your baths are now a cause of anxiety which sucks.

start keeping a log of their noise eg dog, tv on so when they come over again, which they will you can grab your noise log and point out what they do. And if they bother you again you will put an enquiry into council office

Our (terraced) next door neighbour would have a bath every night at 11pm. As their bathroom joined our daughter’s bedroom (and being 2 at the time) she would, without fail, get woken up.

But we live in a terrace! Usual day to day doings will generate noise. There is no way I would’ve gone round to the neighbour to demand they changed their bathing routine.

If you live in a terraced home, there will be noise.

Frankly, the 11pm wake up was infinitely preferable to the feral family that now lives next door. 5 kids, an always arguing couple, and no one knows how to talk to each other without bellowing. And I do mean feral, kids dangling little ones out of the 1st floor window, an ever increasing rubbish pile of broken things (and a burgeoning rat population) and I shouldn’t be on nodding terms with the local Constabulary because the couple call the Police on each other at least once a week 🙄.

OK, their noise is way over the top (and having the kids under 8 lean out of the window to shout expletives & racial slurs out of the window when we’re on the patio in the summer just puts the cherry on the piss biscuit). But terraced living (with usual noise) is just well, terraced living!

@CentrifugalBumblePuppy It's horrible to have neighbours like that. I really feel for you.

I had my neighbour ask me to stop banging my child/dog gate.
It is spring-loaded so does crash a bit, but she has a bloody cheek when her kid bangs on the wall every night keeping mine awake and they bang kitchen cupboards and have drunken rows at 3am.

Living next door to people you need to expect some noise.
You do you.

YANBU. Would they like you not to flush the loo either 🙄.

Recommend a pair of earplugs.

Ignore them - especially if they are still up watching TV when your bath is draining. It's not like you are waking her up or anything.

If they persist, mention their telly and dog.

TBH I wouldn't worry about the bathroom getting damp as much as I'd not want to have to scrub out a cold, scary bath every morning.

YANBU

You give an inch now and who knows what else they'll expect you to do. Just fkin ignore the twats.

10:30 is not that late to have a bath.

I can't believe that your neighbour brought it up with her husband, they discussed it and then he chose to talk to you about it. All very strange. They had a lot of chance with all those discussions to realise that they were being silly.

I wouldn't mention it to them again. If they are so strange to mention it again, I would just say 'no, sorry, that's just when I wash. Got to go. Bye'. Don't agree to any weird requests like this.

I actually thought this was someone having a laugh and not being serious! Are there really people out there that complain about the most ridiculous things,

For example I don't complain when their dog barks at 11pm or I can hear their TV at 2 in the morning, because some noise is expected.

They're just looking to pick a fight/make sure you know who's boss around here. If their TV is on so loud that you can hear it next door and until 2.00am, no way is the bath water keeping neighbour awake or waking her up.

I live in a semi-detached house. Occasionally some mornings I can hear my neighbour hoovering about 7/7.30am through the adjoining bedroom wall but this is very faint as the houses are of a good solid build. NEVER has it crossed my mind to speak to her about this and never has it annoyed me. I’m sure she has heard much more noise from my house and my two kids over the years! There is no way you should change your bath time or apologise for the “noise” which is part of daily living and not anything excessive.

Wow literally in shock. I mean the noise can’t last for more than 10 mins whilst the bath drains. The entitlement of some people never fails to shock me.

I would continue emptying your bath when it's done.

Not because your bathroom would go mouldy (because it wouldn't) and not because you 4 year old would play with it if he woke up but because out of those two scenarios which seem to be your main reasons, you've missed the biggest and obvious one that you have a 4 year old who would more than likely drown in a deep bath of water if he wandered to the bathroom in the night, decided to have a play and then fell in.

And ignore your idiotic neighbour.

"Literally in shock". No you aren't.

Also, politely asking anything is NOT "entitlement"

If they bring up the subject, is suggest they where ear phones.
It's your house and you can have a bath and let the water out whenever you like! Not their business.

I’m really sensitive to noise so I don’t doubt there’s someone out there upset over hearing a draining bath every night at the same time. It’s one of those things that once it gets in your head it becomes more frustrating than it realistically is, and easy to blow out of proportion. However, the last thing I’d do is expect someone to use their bath according to my demands. Especially as early as 10:30, 3am regular baths or something might warrant a word depending on how disruptive it actually is.

Hopefully that will be the end of it now you’ve told him no. If he comes back for round two hopefully they will accept the suggestion of them putting something on the drain to dampen the sound, that way everyone can be happy.

They’re being ridiculous, and I say that as someone who’s normally tucked up in bed by 10.30. I use earplugs - expecting my neighbours to stop everything because I need to get up early is daft.

If you need to suggest earplugs, I can recommend Mouldex Sparkplugs.