Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

But presumably if they're left with the same disposable income, if bills are split equally?

Or as I said previously he's a financially abusive bastard and she should leave.

That wax @Naunet

@AuntieEntity stop it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

So the word “only” turns people into arseholes? Cobblers.

The context was actually: DH expects her to spend around 11k on a holiday and she only earns 50k. Thus the holiday would represent 20% of her entire annual income.

Book yourselves into Butlins, you'll have a lovely time!

OP did your DH go on your 40th birthday holiday too? Because it sounds like these holidays are for BOTH of you. The holiday is the setting. The present is whatever you want it to be.

@ThreeblackCats
You seem a lovely person , upset because someone earns a lot , and critical of someone’s spelling.I’m sorry your life is so bad.

Blackpool should do the trick if you start saving now....

Ahh, I see what you’re getting at, but it doesn’t sound like that’s how it’s working. I think your first thought was right.

@Naunet I agree!

LTB

Thank you for those who have posted helpful responses. I apologise to those I offended, particularly with the ‘only’ part: it was short sighted of me but I honestly meant it in terms of the holiday cost.

You need to pick something you can afford. Even if you split bills on a % basis and he pays 60% vs your 40% (If 150/50k are gross salaries I assume that’s your take home split based on standard tax/NI) he will still have a lot more leftover disposable income than you. How about a shorter trip to a really nice hotel in a European capital for a city break? Also seems like you need a discussion about him recognising what’s realistic on your salary since he’s choosing not to pool income.

Honestly I just don’t understand the concept of saying we split the bills (even if you do as a % of income) and then keep the remainder for ourselves. I can never see how it doesn’t lead to situations like the one you describe. Why would you ever want someone you love and are committed to not to have equal access to your family earnings. Surely you’d want to go out with them/on holiday with them to nice places that are affordable based on your joint income vs limiting yourselves to what the lowest salary can afford.

How does your husband earn so much money when he is obviously very very stupid.

We have sorted it out. Thanks for all the replies, good and bad. We are going to Rhodes and then London for a Michelin star meal. Bucket list thing .

You lost ne at only 50k
Jesus!
People are struggling to put the heating on

Take him to Butlins. You could afford the gold accommodation hun x

We are all so very happy for you I’m sure.

Haven't been on holidays for 15 years but quite like hearing about other people dreamy hols what the heck is wrong with me.

I would appreciate whatever you arranged for me, it’s the love & thought that went into it, not tit for tat that’s just nasty

That isn’t my fault

Only 50k? Oh dearie me.

Google is your friend.

Thank you. I have commented above to explain and also apologise for being crass when I know others are struggling.

No need to apologise. Its just jealousy.

MN is for people of all incomes... not just those with less £££.

If you can't relate to the OPs issue because you're struggling with heating or eating....then it's best to scroll on.

Not everyone has the same problems and those that are financially ok, shouldn't be made to feel guilty, because they earn a decent salary.

🙄

Perhaps avoid threads which clearly state in the title that they are about holidays if they upset you so much. And it doesn’t take a genius to work out from the title that one of the holidays was on the extravagant side. Many people are not struggling. Are they not allowed to ask questions or post threads? Is therr a maximum income limit required to post here now?