Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

Some people have a very weird notion of marriage finances. I remember a poster complaining she couldn’t get benefits as her dh earned over £100k….

Does the op’s dh get to occupy three quarters of their sofa or spread out over most of the bed?

Although my main issue with this scenario is how entitled your husband is being. I cannot bear people who are like this about their birthdays. Yes it's nice to get a great present or treat but it's not something that should be expected !

I Only earn £50,000! Blimey !

If you'd like a specific recommendation - from people who can't afford rent, heat or food - then why not try one of the White Lotus resorts? Sure, some of the guests die, but 🤷‍♀️

“Thing is I only earn £50K a year”

🎻🎻🎻

I'm sorry people are going so wild here about your income.

It's unbelievable he's expecting you to do the same for him and I think you should have an honest chat with him about it. Tell him what you can afford, relate it to the ratio of income Vs holiday cost and if he wants a more lavish holiday he should pay to top up from what you can pay

You poor thing op.

…what’s a swim up room?

I would suggest Cuba if you've never been there? We went to Maldives recently, it was great but I still think Cuba is better and much cheaper too. Whenever you choose to go, have a lovely time!

My heart bleeds.

It's so weird. I have a good friend who goes on the kind of holidays I could only dream of. She's a GP and earns a lot more than me. When she tells me about her holidays I say they sound lovely. I don't berate her for being able to afford nicer holidays than me. She has her own problems too, I wouldn't want to swap lives with her particularly.

Although myself and DH don't earn what you both earn, I am able to not be bitter about that and understand that everyone in life earns different and has different jobs etc.

So, in this situation, I would just speak to my husband and explain that there's no way I could afford a holiday like that out of my salary, and as grateful that I was for Maldives that was only possible because of his salary. I'd suggest paying a similar percentage like some other people have mentioned, and if he wants something more expensive then ask him to make up the difference as that wouldn't be a struggle for him.

He's obviously being unreasonable, if he earns 3x as much as you, how does he expect you to be able to afford what he can? I'm curious as to how you manage your household finances, this can't be the only time the disparity in income has cropped up, as you don't just pool income. Does he always expect everything to be split 50/50? If he doesn't, why is he expecting an equal contribution to a holiday now? How do you usually pay for holidays?

Yep, I'm afraid it was that line that did it. People post on mumsnet constantly about their kids' private schools etc, and don't get this kind of pile on.

There are way more wealthy people on this board than I expected to find, and it's a whole different world from mine. But I just shrug and scroll on. But " I only earn £50k" did make me wince..it was a very unfortunate turn of phrase. If she'd said "I only earn a third of his very good salary" this would be a whole different thread.

I do think that there will be more threads like this in the near future though, as those of us with low incomes are more drastically and scarily affected by inflation. I think that those in a more privileged situation probably need to think really carefully about the way they word their OPs. Of course they're entitled to have their own problems and to ask here, but a bit of empathy and careful wording might be a good idea.

Alia Palace Luxury Hotel and Villas - Adults Only

Looks nice and private pools!

Abso- frkkng- lutely

Yep

Why don’t you just gift him the ‘organisation of the holiday’ but you both actually pay for it out of family money?

I don’t really get how life works if a married couple earn vastly different amounts and don’t have a shared pot. What is he doing with all HIS cash if it isn’t family money? If he has three times more income, is he driving around in fancier cars, wearing fancier clothes, and eating fancier food than you?

We both have things we pay for. I pay various bills, food, kids and pets. He pays the mortgage and the more expensive bills, plus car and insurance. It works out pretty fair in terms of income.

@JessesMum777888

what?

First I’m not wired!

And if that was your attempt at spelling weird, I’m not weird either?
This is clearly a stealth boast about £11k holidays.

I gave my opinion, I didn’t ask for yours.
Mumsnet really should be a nice place but people like you telling me I’m “wired” for giving advice that was asked for by op , well you’re ruining MN.

Really? So what's the problem?

Your husband is a right entitled brat! You need to stop being worried about saying no to him, he’s not considering your feelings or circumstances at all.
You need to sit him down and tell him you’ll spend the same percentage as he did, but it’s beyond ridiculous for him to expect you to spend a 5th of your pretty tax annual income!

I have read nearly the whole thread and I'm surprised no one has told you, YABVVU (both of you) for wanting to celebrate your birthdays. I thought MN disapproved of celebrating birthdays after the age of 7? Or is it ok if you're not inviting friends? 😄

??? The expectation he has that the OP should spend 11k on his birthday!

So much jealousy on this thread.

It's getting to the point that unless you earn under £15K MN will have to put up a trigger warning when anyone who earns/has more asks a question.🙄