Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

I would make sure I booked the holiday of his dreams with bells and whistles and that he paid his fair percentage-part of it.
Since you're in the fortunate position to enjoy these kind of things, it'd be a shame to waste your time making up problems.

And send us a postcard!

I'd get an evening job and save up.

I've been thinking this exact same thing.
Ladies asking advice re clothes/outfits etc.
Good God I've not heard of a lot of the high end brands which are quoted here as just normal day-to-day wear, let alone the ones I have heard of!
Seems a lot of folk on here wear Karen Millen just to lounge around in or do their pre-cleaner cleaning in 🙄😬

Some of us like it that way. I've got to almost 70 and it works for us.

Because I am a people pleaser and don't want anyone thinking bad of me.

oh, you’re way too late for that @Myusername100 , everyone on this thread already hates you for your insensitivity. You do know there are people here going to bed hungry and sitting in the cold!

There's a lovely 5* hotel in Crete OP that has private pools. Doubt it's anywhere near 11K.

Sit down and have a conversation with him and explain you had an amazing holiday for your 40th, but it was his choice to gift that, you don’t give people gifts just to expect the same in return. As a few others have already recommended, discuss with him that considering he spent 7% of his salary, you can do the same. As it’s around £3,500. Ask him what he would like and look online together and if he wants something more he pays the difference. That’s not unreasonable.

I'd be booking a caravan on the Suffolk / Norfolk coast and he could like it of lump it.

(I like the Suffolk / Norfolk coast before anyone feels I'm being rude)

Good lord,it's a dilemma alright!🤔

You're married - why is your holiday money not joint money? You should say that you will put in a quarter of the cost, which is relative to what you both earn.

Sensible answer.

I disagree, society is divided enough as it is, let us have a place where women can talk with each other where wealth/class/culture are irrelevant and differences enhance the conversation rather than kill it.

(not this thread, obv. 😀)

You hate the op because she earns more?
That’s awful and quite ridiculous.

I echo your sentiments....

Stupid. You can have swim up pools, beautiful beaches and sea , five star service at loads of fantastic places; USA, South Africa, south of France, Greek islands to name a few.
Why pick the most obvious tourist traps?

@CocoLux

yes, but where couples LOVE each other they make things 'fair' and non aresholes don't DEMAND the lower earner spends ££££ on their presents.only utter wankers do that.

@Myusername100 tell him if he wants to go on holiday he can pay. Buy him a box of chocolates or ditch the selfish nasty git!! He's bang out of order!!

No, they don’t hate her for insensitivity they’re materialistic and envious and austerity is a convenient stick to beat her with.

Me, I’ve been ill for 30 years, haven’t been abroad for 20, but unlike these posters I’m not jealous of people with money.

I'd hope that food shopping would be a shared expense along with all other household costs

This thread is ludicrous- people post about things in MN all the time that I can't afford. Should I never mention I have a mortgage and a car because other people are struggling to pay their rent and find money for the bus? This is not about the amount, this is about the DH not sharing his earnings.

A holiday is holiday not a gift. Just because it's his birthday, doesn't mean you have to pay for it all unless it's a surprise. Ask him to crack out his credit card to pay for the holiday he wants. Job done.

my heart is bleeding....

Because I am a people pleaser and don't want anyone thinking bad of me.

Oh dear. You're not very good at it. This thread must be incredibly difficult for you.

I don't hate you Op. Your problem is as valid as anyone else's. This is why I name change so often and don't post personal stuff. My partner is wealth. I never have to worry about money again. I have been at rock bottom and homeless in the past, and now I'm very fortunate. Your husband is a shit. He expects you to struggle just to take him on holiday and he doesn't treat you fairly financially. I'd be having a long think about the future.
If anyone hates someone for having more than they do then they need to have a good hard look at themselves. It's not a race to the bottom and we don't all get dealt the same cards. That's just life.

Oh ffs some responses are so bitter.

I agree this would be an issue, my first response would’ve been to make a joke “ermmm are you forgetting you earn more 👀 “ or just do what you can afford on your wage and then use a bit of savings to cover the luxury aspects ☺️

You are married. Pool holiday funds in proportion. Makes no sense.
He wants big holiday he funds it.