Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

I'd take the view that he earns 3 x what you do so he spends 3 x as much. You spend (say) £3.5k on a holiday for him for his birthday. If you save £300 a month then you can use that money for it.

£11k for a holiday! That kind of money would nearly get you a week at Center Parcs.

Surely if he wants to go and wants you there he pays? If not he goes where you can afford to take him.

My dh earns far more than I do but our income is joint. He wouldn’t expect me to ‘treat’ him from my income as it all goes into the same pot, anything special like a holiday would come from joint funds.

I don’t earn a huge amount, but I am super happy to get away from my money worries and think about holidays in the Maldives and selfish husbands.

Why? Plenty of people keep separate accounts.

So all the naysayers do not speak for me

Oh noo that's much more of a vairy nice honeymoon 😁

There are a lot of silly threads like this on here today

And this is why rich people SUCK.

Why have you not got a joint income if you’re married that things like this come out of??

Tell your husband that he can pay the difference but you are only paying for what your salary can afford - which is still more than most people dream of!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Op, do you not realise? You aren’t allowed to have money on MN!!
Seriously though, even if you don’t have shared finances, he knows that you earn significantly less than him. With joint finances, then yes, providing we could afford it, I would book something similar if I thought he would like it. If separate…..then I would assume he could count??

this place is so wierd sometimes.

As if

When me and DP go away for a holiday to celebrate a significant event like a milestone birthday we use joint money. I can't understand not doing it this way.

Read your last sentence back to yourself OP.

Sounds like a bit of a shit husband.

OP not to the financial extent you describe at all, but I get the situation as my DH earns a hell of a lot more than I do & I struggle to treat him the same as he does me with birthday & Xmas gifts. You could always say 'Here's X amount towards the holiday' then he can decide where he would like you both to go & pay for the rest. There's not much of another option unless you want to break in to your savings.

(Prefacing this with my own income - 18,000 p/a)

I understand the difficulties people are in at the moment, but does that mean that people can't post here about things like this?

Is it now AIBU-BNRP (Am I Being Unreasonable - But No Rich Problems?)

I sympathise with your situation OP. It's rude and annoying to have someone demand / assume that you return the same financial amount for a gift when you earn far less. Doesn't matter how much you / he earns. It's just rude and he sounds bitter and entitled. My husband is the same way and his gifted me generously through our marriage including a Rolex. I have come to resent the gifts because they're always held over my head and he even makes rude comments to me with the children around saying things like "I'm still waiting for my X (£££) gift" 🙄 He's well aware I have very little savings and make 1/4 of what he does. It's just rude. I think you need to have a serious chat with him.

My heart is breaking for you

We have joint accounts for house, bills, food etc and our own accounts for the rest.

I seem to have rubbed people up the wrong way. If said holidays were £1500 vs £500 would it have been an issue? The problem is the difference of affordability. Maybe I was a bit crass with saying amounts so apologies for that.

Does he, aye?

Money you earn is yours, money someone else earns is theirs.... How have you got to adulthood and not realised this?

Ignore the "OMG how much" posts. It's not a stealth boast so far as I can see. If he earns that much and he knows how much you earn then if he still thinks you should pay for everything then at best he was really bad at maths and at worst he's a tosser. My DH earns 125K+ and I earn 20K yet it doesn't stop us wanting to share holidays together. The issue seems to be that he expects you to use your (more limited) savings despite the fact that he has a very different disposable income 🤷🏻‍♀️