Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

This is another world to me of terms of that level of income and spending that much on a holiday but what stood out the most was that your husband earns 3 times as much as you do but expects you to pay out thousands on a holiday because that's what he did
Also your £50k income is a great income don't think that its not. I only say this as you said only £50k

I've just seen a AIBU regarding peoples cleaners...I can't afford a cleaner, maybe I should post a sour response. Wait, this is MN where people from all walks of life gather, so maybe I'll just read the responses with curiosity and learn something. Like a mature adult who's not a bitch

There really is a significant percentage of MN users who can’t bear for others to have more than them isn’t there?!

Says much more about them than the OP!!

@Rauha 👌🤣

shall i start a go fund me to help you???

My thoughts exactly. A lot of bitter resentful people on this thread

OP did you ask for a holiday to the Maldives or was that his idea?

He should know that you make les money. Tell him that you can't afford a nice holiday from your salary so it has to come out of the joint savings. The gift is thag you organise the whole thing and on his "birthday night" you cover the dinner, activity, frinka whatever from your own savings.

Strongly agree.

I was so surprised to vote YANBU and see so many people had voted YABU, and couldn’t understand how anyone would think the OP was being the unreasonable one.

And then I read the first few responses and realised.

They voted YABU because of their income, and not the situation at hand.

He needs to contribute, surely he isn’t that dense? He must know you can’t spend £11k plus on a holiday? Just tell him!

What about Lapland? Go luxe but for a shorter period.

His choice!

If a troll had thought up this thread to expose the mean-spirited who are on MN, they'd have struck gold.

Tell him this.

Since he's not treating all family income as family money.

When you said "but I can't afford to pay for that kind of holiday. That's over 3 month's wages for me." What did he say? And if you didn't say that, then that's your problem, nothing to do with the actual cost of the holiday which is irrelevant.

Well said!

I'm worried about how much I can heat my home this winter.

It doesn't mean I'm a total knob when someone with a lot more money than me is asking if execting to cough up the same for holidays as her partner who earns three times as much as she does is reasonable. The principle's the same whatever the actual cost.

Someone very early in the thread suggested spending the same percentage, and I'd go with that if it's not going to be paid jointly.

Maybe she should leave him 🤭

Wouldn’t you think they’d want to hide it? It’s so unattractive.

😂

The. As well as the “family money” lot. There are many, many of us with separate finances.

Exactly what I was thinking!

God, I’d love to see the phrase tone deaf banned from this site. Chiding, prim and petty all at once.

As for the side-splitting references to tiny violins...

I wonder if Rishi Sunak and his squillionaire wife have similar quibbles in their married life

So if he spent 11k (7% of his 150k salary) on your 40th and expects you to spend the “same” you should spend 3.5K on his holiday (7% of your 50k salary).

Don't know why people are being so nasty. This isn't about 'who earns what' it's about whether or not a 'giver' has to match the amount a recipient has previously spent on them. IMHO no, they don't.

A person 'gives' according to their means with an open heart and the recipient should receive that gift in the same spirit. Doesn't matter if it's a £10k Rolex or £10 Timex. I wouldn't want anybody to go into debt for me nor exhaust their savings.

I think OP's spouse is being either greedy or has no 'practical' idea of what things cost in relation to a person's income. OP needs to sit down and have a very frank discussion of what her budget is. If he wants a champagne trip on OP's beer budget he can stump up the rest!

I would suggest that he either pays the difference between what he expects and what you want, or accepts your gift in the spirit in which it is intended.

Surely your husband knows you earn less than him?

Just have a conversation.

Or fuck him off and take me to St Lucia

'I only earn £50k',

Said nobody