Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

@BigChesterDraws

Perhaps avoid threads which clearly state in the title that they are about holidays if they upset you so much. And it doesn’t take a genius to work out from the title that one of the holidays was on the extravagant side. Many people are not struggling. Are they not allowed to ask questions or post threads? Is there a maximum income limit required to post here now?

That's pretty much what I just said too. I doubt understand why people who feel unable to contribute, need to comment and in many cases, be so rude.

Should we have threads divided by income levels, to avoid this then! FGS.

Wrong quantity - but spot on for size! 🤣

Thank you, I needed this kindness x

This.

I have been to both and prefer St Lucia

Haha I was thinking that..

You only earn 50K a year you poor thing. Have you looked in to food bank vouchers?

No, but I donate £50 plus worth of food every month via the local church fundraiser and also run a WhatsApp group encouraging people to have cupboard clearouts. What do you do?

Loads but I don’t go on about it or stealth brag..

Loads = nothing

My husband took me to the Maldives for a milestone birthday too! We didn’t do anything for his as he didn’t fancy it. But had we wanted to, I’d have organised a trip anywhere he wanted. Because he earns loads of money, I earn a fraction of what he earns. But that is irrelevant because it’s our money.

Honestly, people are dicks.

How do you pay for holidays involving your kids?

I really wouldn't worry about it. Some of them are probably pretty well off anyway and just like playing competitive poverty games. Everyone can choose what threads they read.

I think the issue is the separate money. If you’re married why has he got so much more disposable income than you? My DH earns double what I earn, all of our money goes into a joint account and we transfer the same amount to our personal account. He earns double what I earn because I work part time to pick up the slack and cover childcare, housework etc that he can’t because he needs to work longer hours than me to earn more.

Good question.

Are you diamond shoes too tight and your 50s too big for your wallet

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

Your husband is treating you like a cocklodger. LTB.

This is why people are afraid to admit that they aren't on the breadline on here. Bitchy comments calculated to hurt, born out of jealousy. People hiding behind a keyboard spouting bile in the hope that they can take the shine off someone's day.
The issue with this isn't what Op and her husband earn. It's about the inequality in their relationship and the way her husband treats her. He is prepared to demand that she spends an amount of money on his holiday that he knows she can't afford. He earns much more than her, but he expects her to go 50/50 on expenses. It doesn't matter how big or small a woman's income is, if she's being treated like this it's financial abuse. It also shows that her husband has a nasty attitude towards her.

Actually @Beadpark the majority of the snarky comments on this thread are as a result of the OP using one word. 'Only'.

Already debunked.

We went to Bora Bora for my husbands 40th, I didn’t take him, he didn’t take me, we are married we just picked it, paid for it out of our family money and went. Anyway after going to Bora Bora for his 40th I would be a bit pissed off with Rhodes and a dinner in London for my 50th*.

*Actually I had a home cooked meal at home on my 50th as it was at the start of first lockdown in 2020, but that wasn’t the plan.🙂

Why don’t you just tell him you can’t afford it and work something out together ?

"he earns loads but it's ours" awfully nice of you to get him a great gift that he paid for

😂😂😂