Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

You earn 3 times less than him, so pay 3 times less than what he did for your 40th.

Why don't you just point out that he earns 3 times what you do and is being an arse? I don't see what's difficult here?

So over a year away. You might be dead or divorced by then!

Yes because it's that simple

Be blunt with him. I earn 1/3 what you earn, so of course I can't afford 11k. Help me choose somewhere you'd love that is within my means.

He's a bit of an arse to be playing up about this. Is he horribly materialistic?

Trollific!

Absolutely.

Some of you are vile. Just because someone has more money than you doesn't mean they can't have problems.

Get over yourselves. Being a bitch isn't going to pay your mortgage is it? I've been in both positions and being a horrible person doesn't help anyone.

Because I am a people pleaser and don't want anyone thinking bad of me.

Ugh that's a real first world problem you have there

Your issue isn't the holidays, it's the fa t your "D"H keeps his own money and disguises spending money on holidays as "buying you a present".

I suggest you LTB.

Mean, selfish and unkind.

I think I would be gently pointing out to him that since he earns three times what I earn, he's actually asking me to spend three times, relatively speaking, as much as he spent. £11k is just over 7% of his salary, but it's 22% of yours! Blimey!

And if gently pointing it out to him didn't work, I'd be taking him to Blackpool.

Is there a diagram (or a link) yet?

Every time people I know have booked this kind of thing, the bloke has paid really (via the credit card bill) but the wife did the organising.
I can't believe he is expecting you to fund it from your own salary at the same price range he spent from his much larger salary.
Tell him straight, as another poster said, what your % budget is - around 3.5k - unless he wants to pay but you organise it

When you said: “I earn three times less than you and can’t afford a £11K holiday”, what did he say?

In other words, I’m not sure what sort of advice you’re looking for, beyond telling him: ‘you earn three times less than him and can’t afford a £11K holiday’.

If you don't have merged finances, then I think spending the same proportion is the way to go.

But I don't think we can calculate that for you as we don't know how the other bills are divided - are they all pro-rata, or do each of you pay certain ones? So headline earnings might not be the whole story, if he's paying eg mortgage and childcare.

You need look at proportion of his disposable income that he spent, and perhaps aim to match that?

And you need to tease him mercilessly until he stops being such a prick

My thoughts are with you OP 🙏

I'm sure on 50k you can afford a week away at haven, maybe even live a little and buy the entertainment passes.

My husband might only earn a fraction of your husbands wage but he would give me his last penny.

Your husband is being grabby and inconsiderate and you should tell him so.

Is there a reason your finances are as they are (previous children?) If not this is a good time to discuss shared finances - you can still have "your own" money if you want to save or spend as you wish - just have the same amount.

What on earth is the point on having two different income levels within a family/marriage?

Why on earth do each have your separate moneypot and pay for holidays from one partner's income or the other? Don't you have a joint account for such things?? That is really weird.

🤣🤣🤣

You are married, your income is therefore 200k, you can afford to take him wherever he wants to go. Why isn't your money shared? If he'd share his money you can go wherever he wants to go.

Yes, I mean, I would imagine he understands simple Maths to be such a high earner, surely he can work proportions out for himself?

We need a special "Loaded Mumsnet" thread @Mumsnet

This seems extremely fair to me. A good idea