Husband expects same level of holiday for his 50th that I got for my 40th

[Myusername100]

AIBU? My husband is 50 in 2024 and has started talking about where we will go away. When I turned 40 he spent a huge amount taking me to the Maldives, I think around £11K. He expects the same in return. Thing is I only earn £50K a year, where as he earns more than 3 times that amount.

I have savings that could cover it, but that is rainy day money, you never know when you might need it, especially with how the world is at the moment.

I suggested a nice place in St Lucia, high class with AI al la carte restaurants, premium brand alcohol etc. But he's unhappy that it doesn't include a private pool. Heck, I couldn't even afford the swim up room.

I just feel like he isn't sympathetic to my income and means.

This thread was never going to go well. 😂

OP, just talk to him. Say that his birthday is completely as worth celebrating as yours but that you don't earn enough to pay for the trip he wants, so can you pay for it as a family, or else go somewhere more affordable? You're both adults and presumably have been together a while so you need to be able to discuss this stuff.

Quite.

So your budget is £3.5k. Book a weekend at Butlins and donate the rest to a food bank.

Was you really in that much of a quandary you need advice? Or how about talk to your DH. I know it's an outrageous suggestion but hey 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely. You earn £50k and he earns £150k. He spent £11k, you spend £3.3k.

Do you pay 50/50 on all household bills?

Thank you. I have commented above to explain and also apologise for being crass when I know others are struggling.

I'm in a similar position to you OP. DP and I agree that we spend on treats on proportion to the amounts we earn, so it's fair.
Ignore all the spite.

Wait let me get the world's tiniest violin out for you.

I went to Bognor for my 50th and had a great time. I'm sure as long as you're with him he'll be happy wherever you go.

People on here are very sensitive to anything out of their price range, and attack those more wealthy. There must be an alternative forum to mumsnet, specifically for wealthy ppl? If not, can someone start one up please 😄

When we have holidays for each others birthdays we both pay. We'd never consider just one person paying. That seems strange
It's family money.

I really thought this was going to be that your household financial situation had changed and you just couldn’t afford to spend as much anymore. Something like this should be in the family budget.

He's your husband. Surely your income is shared. Bizarre.

😂😂

Is he definitely expecting you to cover the full cost? If so, YANBU.

Because not everyone has joint money.

Maybe in term-time...

Don't worry about it the neg nancies on here. I go to the Maldives every year, next year I'm doing Indonesia instead because the Maldives has doubled in price.

For context I made sacrifices. I have no children and work hard for my playtime. Nothing wrong with that.

I probably spend less in a year on my holidays than other people do on raising their kids! Yet get chastised all the time

🤣🤣🤣

@FatCatSkinnyRat has nailed it. MN can be a bloody horrible place sometimes. If you aren’t on the bones of your arse, you’ve nothing to complain about!!!!

Have a look at other countries in the Caribbean. There are several luxury hotels with private pools and beach access for a lot cheaper than the Maldives.

How long have you been together? I find it a bit odd that you don't share finances considering the difference in salary but I find it even more odd that this type of thing hasn't come up before. Also why start a thread? Surely the answer is obvious - just tell him that an 11k holiday is obscene on a 50k salary.

The money spent on gifts doesn't have to be equal, it is the thought and planning that goes into getting something special that counts.

YABU

You can’t expect to be treated to a certain standard and not be expected to treat the person back to the same standard.

Is he not very good at maths?

That was meant for @AuntieEntity