For welcoming Jennifer Anniston’s honesty about her struggle to have children

[RhubarbRocks]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-63576100

As someone who went though multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF in my late 30s and early 40s it’s good to see this normalised in the news. It sometimes feels very isolating when you can’t have children (not least here when it’s sometimes questioned why childless women are here - I joined during ivf and have stayed for all the other non child related chats!)

So not really an AIBU but maybe a question/observation about the assumptions we make about whether a woman does/doesn’t have children.

I didn’t read the story but, yes, that must have been hard. Especially as Brad Pitt went on to become a father multiple times, even though that seems to have gone pear shaped now. As someone who only seems to have to drop her knickers and she’s pregnant, I can’t say I’ll ever truly understand the troubles that women go through but I’ll always lend a sympathetic ear to anyone who needs it.

It was Brad that ended up hurting Angie. And I always thought it was strange with Aniston and Pitt got together, as they seemed so mismatched, I knew they wouldn't last. I clearly remember reading the magazine article of Pitt and Aniston's wedding and thinking wtf? Those 2 have no chemistry and nothing in common. I never did get the fuss over those 2 (who only lasted 4.5 years, Jolie and Pitt lasted over twice as long) and saw it as manufactured publicity hype of 2 people that wouldn't have been good together otherwise.

I read an interview recently with Courtney and she said her biggest support during her fertility problems was Jennifer.

Maybe it was at different times. Maybe she didn't feel able. Maybe she thought she would be accused of lying to steal the limelight. A hell of a lot of maybes!

Infertility is a lonely place and it's easier to claim you don't want children that tell the truth!

Pitt didn't cheat on Aniston. Even Aniston herself said this. He was upfront about being attracted to Jolie, she wanted him to go have an affair an 'get it out of his system', per a Vanity Fair interview, but Pitt was too honourable to do that, so left Aniston and then chased up Jolie halfway around the world. Which is what we all on here recommend, isn't it? That you split from your partner, and then go to the new person.

Wow, the victim-blaming and the narrow-minded prejudice is strong with you, @JessicaTooManyRabbits . Brad abusing his children is not in question. He has supervised visitation and his abuse is a matter of police reports and court records.

But given the source is a woman who has done many crazy things and used to keep a vial of her lovers blood around her neck

Yes, because we all must be judged on our past by small-minded pearl clutchers. Fyi, it wasn't a 'vial', it was a teeny tiny diabetic pinprick of blood in the centre of a glass locket. No different from people having a lock of their child's hair in a locket.

The rest of your post is delusional, victim-blaming DARVO venom. Pitt treated her Jolie badly, he had admitted that at least. His abuse of his children is a matter of public record, just as his attempts to smear Jolie in the press.

I hate it when people say “well you can just adopt”.

Adopting a child means taking on a child with complex challenges in nearly all cases - even newborns are affected by the removal from a natural parent - and there is a significant chance they may come with evidence of feral alcohol syndrome or the effects of drug abuse in pregnancy. It isn’t for everyone and it isn’t an automatic solution.

Adoption is an incredible, selfless thing to do and it is an exhausting, intrusive process which will, although undoubtedly be rewarding, bring a very unique set of challenges for life. It isn’t like choosing a puppy. It is not an automatic solution if you can’t have kids.

To the 'just adopt' posters.
Do you know anyone who has adopted?

In the uk you dont just adopt. It is a long drawn out process where your whole life up to that point is scrutinised. Yes it is different in the USA as I met other people from over the world on my adoption journey.

But the reality is adoption is not the same as parenting your own birth child due to all the trauma they had even before birth. Before adoption I had never done anything as difficult and isolating in my life. I was married when we adopted, now I am not. The girls who are both mid teens now live with me all the time. I have little support from friends and family. A lot of friends and some family just fell by the wayside when it got tough. The girls do see their dad now and then. There is none of this 50/50 it is more like 97/03.

Infertility is also very difficult and isolating and the world judges you but in a different way. Still very hurtful and painful and I never have got over it, but I did come to terms with it.

Anyone adopting a child for the ‘normal’ parenting experience is going to be very disappointed

Oh really?

My adopted DD is about to turn 18 and my experience of parenting her has been perfectly normal and rather wonderful. No trauma, no attachment disorder. A loving, trusting, kind hearted, brave girl who is absolutely "my own" child.

I would never urge an infertile woman to adopt but I hate the way some Mumsnetters talk about adopted children and how damaged they all are. It's simply not true.

Oh ffs. Here we go. Why don’t you just adopt? Like adopting is the same thing. They are completely different.

@JessicaTooManyRabbits Why are you so upset at Jolie, as if she personally did something to you?

And are you saying her son who was around 16/17 at the time, didn't know what he was saying? How much further will you reach to blame Angelina, because you disbelieve women? None of her older children want anything to do with Pitt, and all the children seem extremely close to Jolie. He also has knocked back visitation days to see them, so he clearly is not that bothered with them, and they know it.

@JennyNotFromTheBlock

Um no it’s not a matter of record. It’s a matter of record Ange alleged it during custody battles and some courts bought it - and others didn’t.

Pitt hasn’t hurt Ange as you claimed - she hurt him by getting sick of him then trying to cut his kids out his life and being extremely petty in the divorce details considering they’re both rich

@JennyNotFromTheBlock

None of the children can have anything to do with him, whether they “want anything to do with Pitt” or not because Angie has seen to it by pushing continuously for sole custody and trying to cut him from their lives. This is the reality.

This is complete batshittery and I don't even know where to start.

Yes - she's amazing. Taking control of the narrative and opening up means there can't be many more boring stories about it either, which much have been so distressing over the years.

Good on her.

@JennyNotFromTheBlock

Christ Calm down, “victim blaming” and “DARVO” in the one post.

Neither of us know them to know for sure - you say Pitt has been trying to smear Jolie, perhaps it’s the truth and she’s trying to smear him to get custody.

You have no way of being so certain

Also Ange’s beahviour over the years is extremely odd not just youthful hijinks

@JessicaTooManyRabbits You really are brainwashed with hate, aren't you?

Im of the opinion that she wanted the split and then to get custody just started making allegations (and possibly even re writing the past in her own mind). She has a long history of bizarre and unstable behaviour and always seemed egotistical.

They didn't split until the incident on the plane, where he hit Maddox. Of course, then, like any decent mother, she wanted the split. The 'allegations' she made are backed up by POLICE REPORT OF THE INCIDENT ON THE NIGHT. And evidence from GROUND CREW AT THE AIRPORT. Are you saying police, and ground crew, are lying? Again, so she did a few wild things as a kid, and you are so narrow-minded you are stuck in the past you can't see how she has grown, or perhaps don't want to see it because it doesn't suit your agenda? She has a reputation of being a great humanitarian and an excellent role model for girls, is unassuming and one of the least egotistical people there is.

he went along with all the crazy stuff she wanted

What 'crazy stuff' is that? I bet you won't answer, because you can't. She didn't want anything crazy with him. You also seem very disablist.

she wants to cut him out her world entirely and is prepared to say anything to cause that.

He hit at least one of her children! Of COURSE she wants to cut him out?! What is with your vicious and misogynist victim-blaming here? She acted fast like any protective mother would, the fact that he won't even bother seeing his kids often - instead spends his time filing frivolous lawsuit after frivolous lawsuit over things like wine companies, and the fact none of his children want to see him, speaks volumes.

You realise he denies all her claims and claims they are a result of a custody battle (they’ve both had court wins there).

All abusers denies claims made against them. Yet it was not just her claims, it was claims of ground crew at the airport, 2 other witnesses, and police.

She has also been quite petty about going after his outside assets and businesses in divorce considering they are both incredibly wealthy in their own rights

Wow, are you ever so misinformed, I feel embarrassed for you. You have it completely back to front. Pitt is the one who has gone after her over outside assets such as their wine company. He had filed lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit, even to stop her from selling her share and moving on him. He has been manipulative, financially abusive, and controlling. Check your facts, she has not once gone after him for any of his assets, in deed and in fact, on the contrary! He has gone after her.

Adoption is an incredible, selfless thing to do

That is so patronising. It's a different way of becoming a parent, you don't need to bestow qualities on adoptive parents that we don't have.

I love her. But she shouldn’t have had to reveal this.

It must have been immensely painful for her when BP left and went on to have a vast number of children with AJ.

She’s so dignified though. She’s always spoken so well about him in the media and he has publicly said how hard he was to live with.

And could the Jolie-Pitt talk go on another thread? It's just showbiz gossip not related to the OP.

I always assumed she had had trouble conceiving due to what must have been a really harsh diet and exercise routine. She was incredibly thin in her Friends days - always wanted to tell her to have a pudding! I guess she must be naturally petite but she appears to have not a scrap of weight on her even now as she has got to the age where most of us have added stubborn to remove inches. I often wonder if what seems like a surrogate trend in Hollywood is down to this - women working their bodies so hard, and depriving their bodies of so much to be able to maintain their profile in the industry. This, rather than the idea that these women are refusing to ruin their bodies with pregnancy and childbirth for the sake of their aesthetics. Didn’t the Judy Garland film have scenes where she was told she belonged to the film company, for example?

I'm adopted and want to thank you. People like you are amazing. But yes totally agree even I couldn't adopt now, it's not for everyone and not fair to suggest people should "just adopt" when they want their own child

@JessicaTooManyRabbits You're full of hate and prejudice, aren't you?

As a result a lot of her troubling and unstable behaviour

Really she was not much more wild than any other hollywood celeb, you are over-exaggerating.

with the fact she really went after him while he was with Jen

Yes, make out the woman is the bad one..... It has been said by multiple sources that PITT was the one who chased her, she was reticent to get involved with him for many months. He chased her, not the other way around. But I know that doesn't suit your 'Angelina is the typical succubus woman devil while Brad a man has no agency' misogynist agenda.

and also the multi country adoptions (nothing wrong with adoption but the way she’s kind of made a point of country shopping for children is odd and intentional)

You're really reaching here. She has only adopted from two countries, and they were countries she was involved in with as a human rights advocate for the UNHCR.

plus the way she’s been so petty with the divorce despite them both being rich af (going after businesses only Pitt had any hand in and that are passion projects for him)

Except you are deeply ill-informed and have it factually completely back to front. Angelina has wanted to move on, yet Pitt has been so petty that he has filed lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit over her business interests, even wanting to force her not to sell her own shares in a company!

makes me think she’s more than capable of simply making up stories about Pitt to get sole custody.

Except there were eyewitnesses from ground crew, 2 other witnesses, and police reports on the night. So that destroys your own agenda right there, dead in it's tracks. Pitt is the one who has been making up stories about Jolie through his agents.