To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

If I was a first time buyer I wouldn’t be buying now…keep saving (hubby might need encouraging to do this too!) and I wouldn’t consider looking until Feb. Personally I think prices will drop over the next month and tail off to figures we saw at beginning of covid

And think about what others have said re tenants in common on deeds as oppose to joint tenants.
if you pay 15% deposit
50/50 on legal fees and stamp duty (seems fair this is split equally as without your deposit neither of you could get a mortgage at all)
then he owns 42.5% and you own 57.5%
50/50 on payments - I would look at setting up a joint account for mortgage and bills plus extra to eventually build a one year emergency fund which will help cover any future maternity leave/sickness etc

There all sorts of issues here regarding the wisdom of buying just now and how a couple split their finances.

But I wonder what made you post on an internet forum and ask this question. Is there something at the back of your mind that isn't happy about your husband's commitment (notwithstanding that you say he is a 'great' husband). You're hesitating. Is this because of your nature - that you find it hard to commit or make big decisions, or is it because somewhere there's an alarm bell ringing that you can hardly admit to yourself is there?

I would take a step back and reflect. Personally I don't think this is a great time to take on a mortgage, but I don't think that's really the issue.

Surely you want your own house and not have to rent (and in effect pay your landlords mortgage!).
The pros of buying will always outweigh the cons.

Don't understand people who are married who have the "your money, my money" attitude.

Getting married isn't just a nice dress/ party. It's a financial contract between two people which says that you now own everything together. Your assets are pooled and you become one financial unit.

Can you imagine a guy coming on here and saying the same stuff. He would be absolutely slaughtered.

I cannot understand why you married this guy if you weren’t committed with everything. That means savings, the lot.

When me and my ex got married we had zero savings, ex then got a massive bonus at work that allowed us to put a deposit down for a house.
Not once did ex ever say oh this is my money.

I’m all for buying over renting. That said, if you’re a first time buyer I wouldn’t buy at the moment - it’s not sensible when we are on the verge of a house price downturn. I’d give it 6-9 months and reassess then.

As for the deposit, if you were unmarried I would say to contractually ring fence the deposit to protect you in the event of a split, being married is more complex. If the monies have been accrued by you before you married and haven’t changed form (been moved account or shifted in any way) then they ‘could’ still be classed as a pre martial asset and ring fenced. As soon as they go into a deposit or change form in any way, they becomes marital assets and your DH will have a claim to 50% if you split. Depends how you feel about the potential longevity of the marriage?

Many marriages end so it makes sense to ringfence what you already had pre marriage. Also women are the ones who tend to sacrifice their earnigg by power to have a family. So it is fine if men sacrifice their income.

Unfortunately as you're married if you were to split he's entitled to half of it

not necessarily though, it can be more complex than that.

I always boggle at this mindset. There’s a simple answer if you feel like this - dont get married in the first place. As previous posters say the whole point of marriage is that you are a unit. If that’s not what you want that’s fine - but don’t get married then!

I have had to advise people professionally - if they are that set on protecting their assets don’t get married at all. You cant be half in half out. Gets legally complex because the law assumes you have pooled resources.

Same here. Never thought about it but I also never felt he took it for granted.

I was your DH in this scenario - I had no deposit to contribute.

but 15 years later we’ve had our financial ups and downs with me earning the most for most of that time. So yes while DH put in a deposit at the start, we’ve equalised over time.

Having been stuck somewhere hellish for years due to negative equity...

DO buy somewhere where if anyone is letting down the tone of the neighborhood, it's you

DON'T buy somewhere you can't afford if interest rates double

DO buy somewhere you could take in a lodger if money gets really tight

DO run anything and everything past your parents / older colleagues/ MN / someone sensible and experienced - there was stuff in the survey and the searches that didn't sound too bad to us at the time. Spoiler - IT WAS BAD but we were just devoid of the experience to work that out.

DO buy somewhere with plenty of employers you could go to if you lose your current job

Hopefully you're worldly wise and chuckling at my worried exhortations above, going, "But of course!!".

BTW my OH paid the deposit on the House From Hell (I paid him back later and we had a declaration of trust drawn up to reflect that he'd put that money in). And I was the keener to move. And younger. So while I don't think it's a huge factor, actually, maybe you're not 100% off target OP!

There's two things here
Firstly the deposit, as you are married it's all 'family money' anyway, but I would look to ring fence it if you can via a solicitor. I was in a similar position and put down 100% of the deposit, but earnings wise, although I earn more, he puts every penny into the family, so I can't exactly complain as I also put 'most' of mine, but tend to be the bigger spender and also put a lot into savings and pensions.

Secondly the house, there's always a possibility of a housing crash, although it does feel more likely to happen at the moment. Plus the interest rates are going up. So if you buy, look to buy either with an investment hat on, or somewhere you're likely to be happy staying for a number of years. Don't over stretch yourself as interest rates could go up further, and as a pp said, look at the area should you need to change jobs

I think that many women and men who are not experienced in sharing money, bank accounts, etc. just don't know what to do when establishing a house and a mortgage. If they haven't shared fully before it's a big step. It's a good investment for the long term but my DH and I just did not know whether tenancy in common or buying outright made sense, and probably chose the wrong thing just out of cluelessness. When I was thinking about divorce it became an issue but honestly neither he nor me knew what was right, meant a real commkitment at the time. He said the other day he would do it totally differently if we started again on the furst house.

Dp paid our deposit, he's also sunk money into the renovations. I pay the mortgage.
It's a home for the both of you, even if the value dips you still have somewhere to live.

I think your looking at this incorrectly.

So if you want to protect your deposit from your DH if you were to divorce, how does it work if the woman has children and then the Man is the only one contributing financially?

It all sounds rather "heads I win, tails you lose"