To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

If the property will fit your life for the next ten years, I wouldn’t worry at all. If it’s a two year stop gap I’d be more wary. It’s already half his money, you know that.

Ask your solicitor for a declaration of trust, it cost me about £200. Its signed by both of you to agree if you split you get your contrabution back before any equity is split. The proces by me seem to have stabilised, but they are up and down over the years so its all relative.

From the moment, DH moved in with me, we were a team and pooled everything together. At the time he had negative equity, I had a flat with a 60% mortgage, so I had far more financially to put into relationship. Fast forward 28 years, DH has earned far more money than me and he's received an inheritance - it's all gone into the joint pot.

Funnily enough, we were talking last night and he said financially he just doesn't care what we've both put into the relationship, as he really values what we've got and what I put in in other ways.

Yes, there are other factors in the market you have to consider and you sound a bit like me in wanting to feel it's totally the right decision. Financially, they'll be ups and downs of buying a property, like I said my DH had negative equity, interest rates have been a lot higher than they are now, also lower. If you own a property you'll always have something of your own and once you retire, you won't need to worry about paying for rent.

*not going to…

It would need to be discussed with a solicitor to agree the actual split depending on the price of the property but I agree with the priciple that she could legally "own" a bigger share of the property than her partner since she paid the deposit.

I don’t understand this. Does your DH pay towards your household expenses now? If so he’s effectively helping you save, even if the savings are being transferred from your salary.

I out-earn DH. We have separate accounts as he is self-employed, and a joint account for bills. We’ve arranged our finances so that he puts money in the joint account, and I put a bit in the joint account and a lot in savings. We could rearrange it so we’re each putting into savings but then we’d be shifting money around a lot more than needed. So technically I’m the one saving, but it’s his too.

You haven’t explained why your DH has no savings, but you don’t sound like a partnership.

You can’t say it doesn’t work based on one outcome.

If you’re married, then no - holding your house as Joint Tenants with an uneven % isn’t a guarantee. But in the event of a contested divorce, it does show the intention of the parties. If this couple divorce in one year’s time, with no children, him not having given up a job to follow hers… all that kind of thing - there’s no reason why a judge wouldn’t agree to the £ split the couple themselves had agreed to.

My thoughts - irrespective of short term movements, property will eventually go up in value. Getting a mortgage means money you would have paid to someone else for rent is being used to invest in an asset for you.

The answer is the same as when is the best time to plant a tree? 20 years ago.

Buy a property now, in an area you like with room for young family if that's in your plans. I was reading something today that an additional bedroom can add $100k to property price. So rationalise how many bedrooms you actually need / might need.

Job security impacts both renting and mortgage. With a mortgage there is the ability to get hardship assistance, renting not so much.

Be realistic on your mortgage amount. Don't go for the maximum the bank will give you. If possible try to get repayments at 20-30% of your take home pay, not pre tax pay. That gives you breathing room for rate changes.

My unit went up $70k in 4 years. It is now valued at $170k more than I paid 11 years ago (60% increase). Renting and saving won't get you that return. My mortgage repayments (up until recently) have been less than what I was paying in rent. So for money I would have spent anyway, on rent, I've now got an appreciated asset.

Yes you could go into negative equity. But if I were looking to buy a home to live in, I wouldn’t be too worried about that as long as I can make the repayments if rates rose by a couple of per cent. Over the years, if you have a repayment mortgage, the amount will be slowly paid off and you’ll have an asset you fully own. Of course, you’ll have maintenance etc to pay-but if you rent forever, you’ll never own that asset. Renting has its place-you have flexibility and no worries about maintenance.
Your fear seems to be prices might crash and you’ll be left owing more than the house is worth. As long as you make the repayments, that will be temporary as you pay down the debt. Of course, it’s a gamble you take-but if you’re happily settled in an area you want to live in, the alternative is renting there and paying someone else’s mortgage off.

This

In my opinion you seem like a shit wife to come on here and say these things. You chose to marry this man knowing he had no savings, when you get married you become a unit. It’s not your money or his money, it’s both your money.

My friend had a lot more money than her DH in savings and she just waited until his savings matched what they needed for half the deposit. I'm assuming her parents advised her on this or thankfully she had some cop on about it. His spare money tended to get spent on drinking and entertaining. So she waited. Then they kept first house and bought another house together and a few yrs later she divorced him as his drinking and entertaining did not decrease when they had children. Keeping things equal financially was a very good idea in hindsight. If your partner simply earns a lot less than you but you are very happy with the way he handles his finances then I don't think it would be such an issue but if he earns similar or more than you and just prefers to spend than save then I'd have an issue with it being unequal for sure.

I think you are wise to be cautions, different attitudes towards financial matters are one of the main causes in marriage break ups. If you are a 'saver' and he is a 'spender' it can be very, very difficult. Again, it depends why he hasn't any savings, does he spend everything he earns? Does he spend on a lot of non-essential stuff? If you are the type to eat beans on toast a couple of times a week because you value being economical, putting money away to save etc and he likes takeaways and eating out (exaggeration but you know what I mean)... then you will face challenges in the future.

I've never looked at my own savings like that. When we married I owned a small property. We've recently sold it and the money belongs to both of us. It'll go towards a deposit for a house. I'm a SAHP and I think of his wages as both of ours. We're a team in every aspect of our lives. I think I'd only have reservations if I didn't see us this way.

When we bought a house, we used DP's savings as deposit. Mine were minimal due to a decade of sometimes-precarious self-employment. It was his idea - I actually didn't know his savings were that large - and they've been ringfenced in case we split up.

My increased salary was crucial to getting a good mortgage though.

Of course there were anxieties during the whole process but falling house prices wasn't one as we aimed to find somewhere we could be long-term, not a stepping-stone property. We don't foresee selling, really.

Isn't this quite common, anyway? Even with couples who earn similarly, in many of the cases I know the deposit was an inheritance or parental contribution from one half. Not even sure I know of any cases where each partner brought exactly half the deposit.

Interest rates are rising yes but they are doing so to much more normal rates. Looking back over the years rates have never been as low as they have been in the last 10 years so unfortunately it's lead a lot of people up the garden path in terms of the cost to borrow money. Up is where rates are going and where they are likely to stay. House prices tanking is only an issue if you have to move for some reason, otherwise it's a roof over your head regardless of if it's worth what you paid for it of 100k less. There are still massive benefits to ownership over renting and that's what you need to concentrate your thoughts on - there are risks to both ownership and renting, they are just different risks.

@CaffeineFreeEarlGrey why don’t you protect your deposit with a deed of trust? This is what my OH and I did with our first house when he put up all the deposit.

The principle was…

At the point of a future sale, if the value has dropped, his deposit is repaid first out of any equity (equity will build up if you have a repayment mortgage). So if the value has gone down, chances are he’ll get his deposit back, and then we bear the pain of losses equally.

At the point of a future sale, if the value has risen, his deposit is repaid first, inflated by the same % as the increase in value. His deposit was allowed to grow and did not have any costs deducted from it.

We have both been married before and have designed in an “exit” to our house, finances and significant purchases. Bit grim, but it works for us 😁

Think carefully. I put in all of our deposit (savings + inheritance) and DH put in nothing. Didn't feel bad about it at all at the time - I was lucky to have inheritance and to have been able to save. Things not possible for my DH.

However, he didn't engage with process v. much at all .Just signed on the dotted line and packed a couple of boxes.

Few years down the line and he has become lazier and nastier by the year. And now I want to leave. And now I feel so bitter about it. he has contributed nothing and yet half this house is his. I know I'm the stupid one.

But I think really it's the getting married thing that makes us vulnerable. Whoever puts in what - all assets are 5050. Biggest regret of my life marrying rather than keeping him as a DP.

I would too.

OP, your gut is trying to warn you.
Listen to it.

Hold onto your savings tightly.

I think the next year or two may be a rough ride.

This is your decision, these are YOUR savings.

Is he really saving hard?

If not, tell him he needs to over the next 2 years.

He sounds very cavalier with your savings.

There are two issues here; should you buy a house now? and should finances be shared in marriage?
I don't know whether you should buy a house now, do you like the house? Will you live in it for a long term? Can you afford the mortgage repayments taking into account interest rates?

I do think that in a marriage the money is family money and that you work as a team. I'm pretty sure that legally once married it's considered family money too. It's understandable to feel stressed when moving house so maybe that's why you're focusing on this aspect?

Do you have to put in all your savings to get the house you want? You could just keep some back.

Buy a home for the long term. Worry about affordability not price fluctuations. Your savings more likely to go up in value invested in property compared to losing value in real terms sat in the bank.

I don't get your attitude. Your savings are for him too. It's not like you're buying him something only he can enjoy. You are both paying a mortgage to buy the property.

House prices in the UK won't "tank" - you're making a sound financial investment and getting a home.

^^
this!

It’s both a sound investment and a home. You need a home, and otherwise are throwing money away renting. It’s really unlikely property prices will tank - level off maybe, but that’s not a problem.

If you fix your interest rate at a level where you can afford the payments (presumably you’ve passed the stage of finding out what offers are there for you) then you shouldn’t lose money as you’ll still have your home even if prices do dip a bit. They’ll go up again at some point even if so, so if you can keep paying the payments you’ll be ok.

Your life savings are currently losing over 10% a year with inflation so better to turn it into bricks and mortar asap before it is no longer enough for a deposit. Rents will go up, everything will go up except for your savings earning their pitiful 5% or whatever you've got them on.

This.